He doesn't like his friend any more.

[carolmillar]

Hi

This is only the 2nd time I've posted but have found the comments here to be really helpful so I wonder if anyone can offer advice.

Dad is in the early, possibly coming into mid stages of AD I think. A few weeks ago, he suddenly decided he wanted nothing more to do with one of his friends and told him so on the phone. Although his friend, Tommy, knows about Dad's AD he still took it quite badly. When the subject came up, (I got around to taking about Tommy without mentioning the phone call) Dad told me 'Oh I've had enough of him, he gets on my nerves, I've told him I don't want anything more to do with him'. I tried to find out why he felt this way without success and didn't want to push him so we had to leave it at that. But he hasn't forgotten and still won't speak to Tommy.

This hasn't been too big a deal as he didn't Tommy all that often. But now he has started saying things about his partners brother-in-law, Alan, along the same lines. He often tells me he thinks Alan tells lies. He told me Alan say's he can swim and Dad is convinced he can't and that he's lying.

Hazel, Dad's partner and her sister are very close and the 4 of them often go on holiday together which they did last week. There were a few problems during the holiday, Dad wanted to come home all the time and tried to leave the bedroom during the night, and Dad became quite rude to Alan and was snapping at him.

Hazel sees her sister and brother-in-law almost daily and if Dad decides he doesn't want to see Alan anymore it will make things very difficult.

We are really worried about this and don't know how to tackle it. Does any one have any similar experiences they could share, or any suggestions on what we can do?

Carol

 

[Norman]

Dear Carol
the very first thing too remember is that you cannot reason with the unreasonable.
Good friends and people who understand Dad will rise above the insults and nasty remarks,my wife insults our elder Son nearly every time she sees him.
Don't try to reason do not argue and try too rise above it.
Hope this helps
Best wishes
Norman

 

[Sheila]

Hi Carol, we had this sort of thing with Mum, as Norm says, no point in arguing. Just try to move the conversation in another direction or if its a confrontation, remove them or the person they are having a go at if you can. Its a nightmare isn't it, love She. XX

 

[looby97]

My Dad does this on a regular basis to my brother in law. He only has two daughters - I am the eldest and was married before Dad had AD. Dad often went to the pub on a Saturday with my husband and people often thought they were father and son. My sister has only been married 18 months and started dating Alan when Dad was "acting odd" but not diagnosed. Alan will often walk into a room and Dad will ignore him and then announce that he hates "that fella". Mum used to get quite upset and feel that Alan would not want to visit any more. We just laugh at it now and Alan will make a joke and Dad will eventually come around. We don't know what causes it and haven't tried to find out. The other week my Dad was picking an argument with my sister - I intervened and told him to leave her alone. He gave me a filthy look, told me he hated me and didn't know who I was let alone why I was picking on him. He promptly took himself to bed and fell asleep. He does it quite often when he is tired or feeling insecure. I'm sure if you explain to the people your Dad is like this with that it won't go away that they will accept it as part of his illness and nothing else

 

[Sarah-Anne]

snap

During my fathers ilness his best friend was snubbed on each visit....they had known each other for 58 years.
'I don't want John in my house' dad would say...oh god...this was the only outside visitor dad was getting...we couldn't lose him.
My dad was vile to him but he kept coming back for more.
If the friend can't understand get him to read these replies...supply as much info as possible...you have to cope with this.......x

 

[dmc]

hi

my mum actually threw me out of her house just before her diagnosis, it upset me dreadfully, as i hadnt a clue what id done to upset her so much.
thankfully it soon passed, heres hoping your dad will soon forget his anger towards his friend, and heres hoping his friend understands its not your dad but his illness thats doing it
good luck
donna x

 

[Libby]

Hi Carol

My mum used to get irritated with long standing friends when they came round to see them. If I happened to call in when friends or older relatives were there, she would go into the kitchen and whisper to me - "I wish they'd go - they've been here ages' This was before I really understood AD, and I found it really odd - I used to feel so sorry for dad, who was virtually housebound towards the end of his life, and loved it when friends called around.

As Norm said - sadly - you just can't reason with them.

Libs