• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can access this area by going to the Health and wellbeing forum >here< or you can directly access the area >here<.

having to make sure my dad is decent

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
My dad wears incontinence pants but takes them down before reaching the toilet and subsequently we have a mess on the floor after visiting the toilet he is forgetting to put himself away and does not always comprehend what I am asking him to do so most of the time I have to put him away and pull his pants up I am finding this difficult with him being my dad... Does anyone else have this problem
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
Only the first part of your thread, To avoid any accidents I go to the bathroom with my mum to make sure she gets in right position in front of loo before pulling anything down, bit of a hassle I know, but it saves on having to clean wood floor in there every 2-3 hours. So far she can pull everything up and so I don't always have to stay with her. Are they pull up disposable pants or pads that your father is wearing? Somewhere on the internet there is a company that sells disposable pull ups for men, from what I can remember they are slightly longer in the leg part.
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Only the first part of your thread, To avoid any accidents I go to the bathroom with my mum to make sure she gets in right position in front of loo before pulling anything down, bit of a hassle I know, but it saves on having to clean wood floor in there every 2-3 hours. So far she can pull everything up and so I don't always have to stay with her. Are they pull up disposable pants or pads that your father is wearing? Somewhere on the internet there is a company that sells disposable pull ups for men, from what I can remember they are slightly longer in the leg part.
Hi thank you... Yes dad does wear the pants but I struggle with him to keep them up until he reached the toilet oh well just another one of them things
Thanks again for replying xx
 

balloo

Registered User
Sep 21, 2013
227
northamptonshire
Hi thank you... Yes dad does wear the pants but I struggle with him to keep them up until he reached the toilet oh well just another one of them things
Thanks again for replying xx
My husband has the same problem with his mum ,she often needs wiping but he cannot do it .I do it most days . she wears the incontinence pants at night .
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
Would braces slow down the process of starting to pull things down while walking to the toilet or do you think he would just stop midway and undo the braces?
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,714
Yorkshire
Don't have any solution
but totally empathise with problem
I put dad in 'trousers' that don't have a fly/zip to do up and so cover up his 'bits' when he or I pull them up - such as jogging bottoms (got them from M&S, there were some cotton walking style pull ups as well). I thought he would object but took to them straight away; one less thing for him to think about, I guess. BUT he pretty much makes it to the loo on time so no 'pants' needed yet.
If drawstring done up tightly, maybe he wouldn't get them down without help - and if wearing the pants, the concern is not if he doesn't make it and the pants come into use, I guess.
Instead of telling him in words what to do, could you mime? A bit tricky for us daughters isn't it!
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Don't have any solution
but totally empathise with problem
I put dad in 'trousers' that don't have a fly/zip to do up and so cover up his 'bits' when he or I pull them up - such as jogging bottoms (got them from M&S, there were some cotton walking style pull ups as well). I thought he would object but took to them straight away; one less thing for him to think about, I guess. BUT he pretty much makes it to the loo on time so no 'pants' needed yet.
If drawstring done up tightly, maybe he wouldn't get them down without help - and if wearing the pants, the concern is not if he doesn't make it and the pants come into use, I guess.
Instead of telling him in words what to do, could you mime? A bit tricky for us daughters isn't it!
A big thank you to you all for your suggestions it helps a lot to have support and to know that I'm not alone... So glad I found this site
Thanks again everyone xx
 

Roses40

Registered User
Jan 25, 2015
473
manchester
Having had one daughter and three granddaughters I struggle with hands on male genitalia, especially re my father, however, needs must and repetition has allowed me to come to terms, or at least change my own mindset as regards what is the requirement of the moment. Having a urinal bottle has given both of us an element of independence, i.e. He didn't have an inside toilet when he was young and is therefore comfortable using a bottle. May not work for you but hope springs eternal, love Rose x
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Having had one daughter and three granddaughters I struggle with hands on male genitalia, especially re my father, however, needs must and repetition has allowed me to come to terms, or at least change my own mindset as regards what is the requirement of the moment. Having a urinal bottle has given both of us an element of independence, i.e. He didn't have an inside toilet when he was young and is therefore comfortable using a bottle. May not work for you but hope springs eternal, love Rose x
Hi rose thank you and yes gradually I am comming to terms with handling my dad yes it is a need and I just have to get on with it... Got dad a bottle but he just forgets to use it, he made a point of asking for something to urinate in but now that the ot,s got him one it just sits by his bed totally forgotten about!!!
 

Katrine

Registered User
Jan 20, 2011
2,839
England
I can imagine how difficult it must be for you to have to handle his 'bits'. It really is too intimate for most children to cope with. I certainly could not have done it. I have done some personal care for my mum, and could do it again if I had to, but thank goodness I never had to do it for my father. I could do it for my husband too, but that's very different.

The only suggestion I can make is for you to buy disposable gloves and always carry a few in your pocket. Put them on when your dad heads for the toilet. I think it would be easier to touch him if you are not making direct skin contact. A gloved barrier is not only more hygienic but reduces the intimacy of the contact.
 

Chemmy

Registered User
Nov 7, 2011
7,591
Yorkshire
I can imagine how difficult it must be for you to have to handle his 'bits'. It really is too intimate for most children to cope with. I certainly could not have done it.
Me neither, Katrine. Nor would my dad have wanted me to. I realise this doesn't help the OP, but I do commend her for trying to cope with this.
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Would braces slow down the process of starting to pull things down while walking to the toilet or do you think he would just stop midway and undo the braces?
Hi tin thank you the suggestion but think that he would stop to take the braces off will just have to get on with it.!!!
Tried using the nylon mesh pants with pad inserted but he pulls the pad out and puts outside of the pants I then have to put it back in place... Just as well that I still have a sense of humour as I could tear my hair out sometimes
Thanks again best wishes xx
 

cragmaid

Registered User
Oct 18, 2010
7,941
North East England
I know it seems wrong to have to make sure that your Dad is tucked in and private, it's bad enough when it's your kids:rolleyes:....but if you want him to be dignified, you have to do it for him. .... Katrine is wise, saying to keep a pair of vinyl/latex gloves in your pocket and then it's a quick " Let's get you tucked in properly Dad"...no fuss.

The first time I saw the side of my Mum which I hadn't seen since the day I was born:eek::eek:, I wanted to run away. This is not something a child should have to sort for their parent, but when they can't manage it, you have to be the one to restore dignity.

Seriously, if you really can't do it, then perhaps you will have to consider extra help at home or residential care, because, sadly this is a problem that could run and run.
Good luck.x
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,714
Yorkshire
Katrine and Cragmaid so perceptive and practical!
Somehow, Exhausted 2015, this 'position' is different, for me, from wiping his bum (done while singing a calming hymn to myself in my head) which was something I never thought I'd be able to do - but as Cragmaid said, done in a matter of fact way as if nothing at all out of the ordinary, and accepted by dad in the same manner, bless him for his kindness to me.
And Cragmaid is right - we each have to acknowledge what is our 'last straw' - your chosen TP name says a great deal in itself.
If it helps :- dad was peeing at night in all sorts of strange places and as I didn't live with him, I never quite knew what I was walking into each morning when I went to visit. (sorry - pun not deliberate - but won't edit it out). He is now in a care home - for another reason - and the staff say he has not left puddles at all; he has an ensuite so toilet is much closer. One less anxiety for him, I guess. I do feel that him being cared for by others has taken lots of pressure off us both.
I don't know what your overall situation is, but do think of accepting more help.
 

exhausted 2015

Registered User
Jul 5, 2015
624
stoke on trent
Katrine and Cragmaid so perceptive and practical!
Somehow, Exhausted 2015, this 'position' is different, for me, from wiping his bum (done while singing a calming hymn to myself in my head) which was something I never thought I'd be able to do - but as Cragmaid said, done in a matter of fact way as if nothing at all out of the ordinary, and accepted by dad in the same manner, bless him for his kindness to me.
And Cragmaid is right - we each have to acknowledge what is our 'last straw' - your chosen TP name says a great deal in itself.
If it helps :- dad was peeing at night in all sorts of strange places and as I didn't live with him, I never quite knew what I was walking into each morning when I went to visit. (sorry - pun not deliberate - but won't edit it out). He is now in a care home - for another reason - and the staff say he has not left puddles at all; he has an ensuite so toilet is much closer. One less anxiety for him, I guess. I do feel that him being cared for by others has taken lots of pressure off us both.
I don't know what your overall situation is, but do think of accepting more help.
Thanks again everyone for your advice and support it is extremely difficult caring for my dad but I am going to continue for as long as I possibly can the one thing that I have learned is to always take my crocks upstairs with me at night because dad does get confused as to where the toilet is, the other night about 1am the I opened my bedroom door to be greeted by a stream of urine entering my bedroom... So whenever I have to get up during the night the first thing I do is slip my crocks on!!!
Before I found this was site I knew that there must be 100,s of people in similar situations as mine
But it has helped me tremendously to hear about other carers stories