having to face reality

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Helen12, Jun 16, 2016.

  1. Beetroot

    Beetroot Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    So sorry for your loss and all the trauma of watching your mother's passing. Sounds like you did all you could and more. Be comforted by that.
  2. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    eastern USA
    So sad for you, hard to experience, moving beyond words. I hope, now that she is finally at peace, you can begin to find comfort in knowing you did everything you could. Warm good wishes to you and your family, condolences on your loss.
  3. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    East Coast of Australia
    So sorry for your loss. I went through a lot of that the last twelve months of my Mum's life so know how hard it is. Rest and relax as much as you can, there are still a few tough days ahead. I'll be thinking of you and hoping you get a lot of support from family and friends to help you through.
  4. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    I am sorry for your loss, but glad your Mum is free of this cruel disease now, take care of yourself and your family xx

  5. longshanks

    longshanks Registered User

    Aug 26, 2014
    I cannot believe that this most recent post by Helen has appeared on Talking Point today.

    My Mum (84 yrs and in what I feel must be the latter stages of Alzheimer's), has just become a resident in what the family hopes will be a really good Nursing Home.

    Until seven weeks ago, she was still able to get around her bungalow, albeit slowly and rather laboured, she could still talk (or at least talk gobbledegook on the phone to hubby and I) and she could also read things aloud from catalogues that were sent to her in the post, Damart and Spalding plant catalogues etc) and she could still enjoy her food, using cutlery.

    Then a spell of seven weeks in Hospital (taken in with a uti and possibly a chest infection was evident too, as she'd been coughing at home according to Dad (85 years and her sole Carer) it was decided that she was not a candidate for a rehab centre, as she had bad.
    arthritis in her knees - she had had trouble at home getting up from a chair - even from her recliner, which would raise her up to nearly a standing position, if she used the button

    She may not have been able to recognise the family, but she always smiled at us and any visitors (especially any ladies who visited) with my Dad, friends or family seemed to be able to get Mum to talk a little.

    Towards the end of Mum's hospital stay, she did not acknowledge my Dad, (they've been married 61 years and have known each other for 65), will not talk and takes her hand away when he tries to hold it.

    She has not been out of bed yet in the N H and although I know it is early days and the staff need to get to know my Mum, I think that any romantic notions I had about decorating a sun-hat for Mum to shade her, when she sits out on sunny days in the
    Home's landscaped garden may have been a little optimistic as so far, she has just been in her bed, with her head inclined to one side - no speech, no recognition of Dad who noticed that they had put Mum on a liquid diet and Dad says that she is making this awful rasping,
    rattly noise in her throat.

    The Home's Dr. is due to visit on Monday, so we are hopeful of more news then, but things are not looking hopeful.... does anyone on T P know anything about this awful noise that my Mum is making, please, as it is worrying the family but the Nursing staff have not reacted to this.

    To add to the mix, Mum has limited vision, diverticulitis and she may be doubly incontinent by now and because of lack of movement over the past three years, is very plump.

    I, too, hope that if this is what my Mum's life has become, that she will not be in the N H for a long time... how I hate this disease.

    best wishes to you all,

    [ en QUOTE=Helen12;1286009]My mum has Alzheimers and is at what I believe is stage 7. She doesn't know any of us, stares blankly, is incontinent (both ways), doesn't speak,stopped walking very suddenly in March and now seems to have forgotten how to swallow. She is in a good care home and the doctor saw her Monday . Her diabetes is bad and he has started her on insulin , also meds for high blood pressure. She spends a lot of time in bed , either sleeping or just staring. She is not my mum! I feel like she went months ago but I hate to see her like this and the effect it is having on dad (88 with Asbestos and on oxygen!) and my brothers is just horrible. It seems an awful thing to say but I wish she would just slip away! Her quality life appears to be nil but my dad and one brother seem to be holding out for some kind of miracle and keep thinking that's med or that drug could "bring her back". I don't know if its because Im the oldest or because the only female but I feel I have to be strong and more practical as I'm sure we are getting to the end.I know from reading the posts that a lot of you are there too, but how do we get through it while trying to remain upbeat and positive but knowing that she could go anytime?? How long does this stage last??Just being able to write down my feelings has helped, so thank you all for reading.[/QUOTE]
  6. Ellaroo

    Ellaroo Registered User

    Nov 16, 2015
    Really , sympathise with what poor mum and you are going through.
    My mum has declined after hospital admission and i wonder how long ?
    All I can say is we are getting that little bit nearer to the end of our loved ones being in purgatory and being on the receiving end of their anguish and frustration.
    To lose your mind is to lose everything .good job we can support each other here xx

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