Having a Bit of a Crisis

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by NORTHSIDE, Dec 14, 2018.

  1. Susan11

    Susan11 Registered User

    Nov 18, 2018
    1,483
    No. His half will be defined when you have the assessment and then any payments will only come from his half and will not reduce your half.
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,205
    Female
    South coast
    If you are worried about it you can organise separate bank accounts. It is something that is often recommended anyway.
     
  3. NORTHSIDE

    NORTHSIDE Registered User

    Jan 28, 2017
    80
    Male
    Northumberland
    Hi canary, yes I agree that that organising separate bank accounts is the thing to do. I have POA and we now have 3 account, a joint account for all joint living expenses and separate individual accounts hich our income goes into. I then have standing orders in equal amounts from each of the individual accounts into the joint account. Hopefully should the need arise this demonstrates that I am acting fairly as POA.
     
  4. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,489
    Female
    @NORTHSIDE I can see your point about your wife's age. None of us can predict how long our PWD will live, so it's very difficult to plan for care. My mother went into a care home when she was 82, but aside from dementia she has no other health problems and her parents lived well into their 90s (her father was 98!) so she could have a long road ahead, and her funds will only last about 4 years so after that SS will have to pick up the bill. It's all so unpredictable. I think you will know when it's the right time for full time care, in the meantime it sounds as if a couple of weeks of respite would be very helpful.
     
  5. NORTHSIDE

    NORTHSIDE Registered User

    Jan 28, 2017
    80
    Male
    Northumberland
    Hello to everyone who replied to my post. Just to let you know I took the first step today and spoke to my GP and to Social Services. The GP is to arrange a visit from the Psychiatric Service who will assess my wife's current condition and advise whether any further medication would be appropriate. Social Services are to visit to advise me on appropriate providers of day and respite care in the area.

    To cap it all my wife has been really good today, just to make me feel really guilty. But I know realistically that she could 'turn' at any time. Well that's the first step taken and although my heart is now pounding I know that I will be able to cope with her behaviour over Christmas knowing that measures are now in place to change things.

    So thank you all for your support and advice, I'll be in touch and let you know what happens. Merry Christmas and best wishes for a happy New Year.
     
  6. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,178
    And you, sweetheart. My heart has been pounding for the last six years ... warmest, and thanks, Geraldine
     
  7. NORTHSIDE

    NORTHSIDE Registered User

    Jan 28, 2017
    80
    Male
    Northumberland
    Hello and best wishes for a very happy new year to you all. Just an update on my position. Social Services have now visited and carried out a needs assessment for both myself and my wife. As we are self funding it seems a bit irrelevant but what was useful was the knowledge they had of suitable facilities.They have referred my wife to a council run day care centre which specialises in dementia..

    She visited for the first time last Wednesday, I visited by myself the day before to assure myself that it was suitable. I must admit I was very apprehensive, in particular i just didn't know how I would broach the subject with my wife. During my visit I had a long chat with the manager and came away greatly reassured. She virtually answered all of my questions before I had asked them and knew exactly what to say to ease all of my anxieties. There was a lovely happy and lively atmosphere and the age of the clients was younger than I had anticipated.

    They provide a bus to pick up and drop off at the door and a substantial lunch. I told my wife that i had arranged day out for her which included lunch and she seemed to accept this fairly well but refused outright to get on the bus despite the best efforts of the carer who travels on the bus. We agreed that I would drop her off by car which I did. On arrival she was immediately greeted with a coffee an a member of staff sat with her and chatted. I was ushered out of a side door and made my escape.

    I phoned at lunch time to see how things were going and was told that she had settled in very quickly and was entertaining everyone by singing and dancing. She came back home on the bus and although she was a bit grumpy and wouldn't speak for 10 minutes she soon came around.

    So we'll try again this week, hopefully I would like to get up to three days a week and drop the carers who come to the house. The respite is on the back burner for a little bit until we can get into a routine with the day care.

    Thanks again for all of your support, I feel so much better now that we've made this small first step towards more long term care.
     
  8. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,205
    Female
    South coast
    That sounds very positive :)
    I hope it soon becomes part of her routine
     
  9. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    I'm cheered to hear the day center staff were so skilled and responsive. It sounds a good and supportive place, for you both. Thank you for the update!
     
  10. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    750
    Male
    Newcastle
    #50 northumbrian_k, Jan 14, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2019
    Hi @NORTHSIDE,

    Many of the things that you describe I see in my wife, although she remains (all too) vocal and is a great deal older than yours. You do need to try to get more time to yourself and periods of at least 24 hours when you are completely free of any caring responsibilities.

    I am not sure where you are in Northumberland but if in reasonable distance of Newcastle (where I am now based although Northumbrian by birth) there is a care provider that might be of use to you. It provides services at the name of centre deleted by moderator in Brunswick village as well as in the home. I have had the benefit of a day support carer for 5.5 hours on one day a week, tried my wife at the day centre (which did not really work out) and she has had 2 periods of residential respite with more to follow.

    I hope that the council run day centre continues to work out and is just the start of you finding a bit more time for your own life,
     
  11. NORTHSIDE

    NORTHSIDE Registered User

    Jan 28, 2017
    80
    Male
    Northumberland
    #51 NORTHSIDE, Jan 14, 2019
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2019
    Hi @northumbrian_k, I was aware of the name of centre deleted by moderator, we are about 25 minutes a way by car. I had a chat with a very nice lady from the Alzheimers Society who did a bit of research on my behalf, she tells me that the name of centre deleted do not cater for residential respite.

    My plan is to get to 3 days day care and also a couple of weeks residential respite. However dementia respite facilities seem few and far between. Again the nice lady did say there is a home in Cramlington, name deleted which cater for dementia respite. So I plan to pay them a visit. I'm not sure how I explain it to my wife., but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

    Thanks for your response, I may get in touch myself with the centre in Brunwick regarding residential respite, best wishes to you and your wife.
     
  12. northumbrian_k

    northumbrian_k Registered User

    Mar 2, 2017
    750
    Male
    Newcastle
    I would suggest that you do get in touch with the centre in question as it certainly has facilities for residential respite as well as a day centre that can be used by anyone in residence. My wife has had 2 stays of 3 and 6 days in the 5-bedded unit and 3 more stays are booked for later this year. The respite facilities are popular and get booked up well in advance. As for explaining it, I didn't and it seems that my wife considered it to be a hotel.
     

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