I'M SICK OF CRYING TODAY! FED UP FEELING EMOTIONALLY DRAINED, GUILTY, ANGRY,UPSET,WEARY,AT THE END OF MY ROPE!
MY MUM HAS BEEN AN ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE TODAY. TOTALLY FEEL LIKE SHE HAS PUSHED MY BUTTONS ALL DAY! AND I'VE TRIED SO HARD TO KEEP MY COOL AND NOT RISE TO THE BAIT!
THE USUAL THINGS KICKED OFF WHEN I ARRIVED TO SEE HER:-
- THE FIGHT CAUSE SHE NEEDED HER HAIR WASHED AND DIDN'T WANT TO.
- THE HUFFING BECAUSE I WASN'T TAKING HER STRAIGHT OUT FOR A RUN IN THE CAR ( HER IDEA OF A RUN IS ABOUT 40MILE ROUND TRIP!)
- I MADE HER LUNCH AND SHE DIDN'T WANT IT.
-SHE HAD LOTS OF FLOWERS IN VASES IN THE PORCH - ALL OF THE WERE DEAD AND SMELLING SO I STARTED PUTTING THEM IN A BINLINER TO CHUCK OUT AND SHE GAVE OFF ABOUT THAT.
- I TRIED TO TIDY UP AS SHE DOESN'T DO HOUSE WORK NOW AND SHE GOT ANNOYED AS SHE JUST WANTED TO GO OUT!
SHE LIVES WITH MY BROTHER BUT HES AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS AND I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT HER BEING ALONE OVERNIGHT, SO SHES UP WITH ME TILL TUESDAY TILL DAVID GETS BACK.
I'VE JUST LOST IT WITH HER! AND NOW I FEEL SO BAD! SHE WAS GOING ON AND ON AT ME ABOUT SILLY STUFF LIKE....DID I LOCK UP HER HOUSE....DID I TELL MEALS ON WHEELS SHE WOULDN'T BE THERE....DID I CLOSE THE BLINDS.....PUT COAL ON THE FIRE....OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITH THE QUESTIONS!
I'D BROUGHT UP A BAG OF HER OLD PHOTOS TO PUT IN AN ALBUM FOR HER AND I WAS GOING THRU THEM WITH MY FLATMATE IN FRONT OF MUM AND SHE STARTED ALMOST ACUSING ME OF TRYING TO STEAL THEM. I TOLD HER I WASN'T AND THAT ACTUALLY SOME OF THEM WERE MINE FROM WHEN I WAS AT SCHOOL AND I WAS GONNA THROW THESE ONES OUT. THIS IS WERE SHE TOOK IT ALL UP A NOTCH AND REALLY STARTED.
i KNOW THAT TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED SOUNDS LIKE NOTHING BUT I WAS PUSHED TO MY LIMIT AND LOST MY TEMPER! I STARTED SHOUTING AT HER AND LEFT THE ROOM. MY FLAT MATE TRIED REASONING WITH HER TO CALM DOWN AND STOP GOING ON AT ME. IN MY HEAD I FIGURED 'GET HER UP TO BED AND THAT'LL STOP IT ALL'. SO I CAME BACK INTO THE ROOM AND TOOK HER BY THE ARMS AND PUT HER IN THE HALL AND SHOUTED AT HER TO GO TO BED WHICH SHE DID!
I'M SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF AND FEEL DREADFUL THAT I COULD LOSE MY TEMPER LIKE THIS OVER WHAT WAS SEEMING NOTHING REALLY. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THE CONSTANT UNRELENTING GUT WRENCHING STRESS OF EVERY DETAIL OF LIFE WITH A DEMENTIA SUFFERED.
MY FLAT MATE CHECKED ON MUM TO SEE HOW SHE WAS AND SHE'S FINE, HAS FORGOTTEN IT EVER HAPPEN (SMALL MERCIES) BUT I'M DEVASTED.
PLEASE HELP BY TELLING ME IF THERE ARE WAYS TO COPE BETTER WHEN SHE'S IMPOSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH. I CAN'T HAVE ANOTHER TODAY!
ANN
MY MUM HAS BEEN AN ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE TODAY. TOTALLY FEEL LIKE SHE HAS PUSHED MY BUTTONS ALL DAY! AND I'VE TRIED SO HARD TO KEEP MY COOL AND NOT RISE TO THE BAIT!
THE USUAL THINGS KICKED OFF WHEN I ARRIVED TO SEE HER:-
- THE FIGHT CAUSE SHE NEEDED HER HAIR WASHED AND DIDN'T WANT TO.
- THE HUFFING BECAUSE I WASN'T TAKING HER STRAIGHT OUT FOR A RUN IN THE CAR ( HER IDEA OF A RUN IS ABOUT 40MILE ROUND TRIP!)
- I MADE HER LUNCH AND SHE DIDN'T WANT IT.
-SHE HAD LOTS OF FLOWERS IN VASES IN THE PORCH - ALL OF THE WERE DEAD AND SMELLING SO I STARTED PUTTING THEM IN A BINLINER TO CHUCK OUT AND SHE GAVE OFF ABOUT THAT.
- I TRIED TO TIDY UP AS SHE DOESN'T DO HOUSE WORK NOW AND SHE GOT ANNOYED AS SHE JUST WANTED TO GO OUT!
SHE LIVES WITH MY BROTHER BUT HES AWAY FOR A FEW DAYS AND I'M NOT HAPPY ABOUT HER BEING ALONE OVERNIGHT, SO SHES UP WITH ME TILL TUESDAY TILL DAVID GETS BACK.
I'VE JUST LOST IT WITH HER! AND NOW I FEEL SO BAD! SHE WAS GOING ON AND ON AT ME ABOUT SILLY STUFF LIKE....DID I LOCK UP HER HOUSE....DID I TELL MEALS ON WHEELS SHE WOULDN'T BE THERE....DID I CLOSE THE BLINDS.....PUT COAL ON THE FIRE....OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITH THE QUESTIONS!
I'D BROUGHT UP A BAG OF HER OLD PHOTOS TO PUT IN AN ALBUM FOR HER AND I WAS GOING THRU THEM WITH MY FLATMATE IN FRONT OF MUM AND SHE STARTED ALMOST ACUSING ME OF TRYING TO STEAL THEM. I TOLD HER I WASN'T AND THAT ACTUALLY SOME OF THEM WERE MINE FROM WHEN I WAS AT SCHOOL AND I WAS GONNA THROW THESE ONES OUT. THIS IS WERE SHE TOOK IT ALL UP A NOTCH AND REALLY STARTED.
i KNOW THAT TRYING TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED SOUNDS LIKE NOTHING BUT I WAS PUSHED TO MY LIMIT AND LOST MY TEMPER! I STARTED SHOUTING AT HER AND LEFT THE ROOM. MY FLAT MATE TRIED REASONING WITH HER TO CALM DOWN AND STOP GOING ON AT ME. IN MY HEAD I FIGURED 'GET HER UP TO BED AND THAT'LL STOP IT ALL'. SO I CAME BACK INTO THE ROOM AND TOOK HER BY THE ARMS AND PUT HER IN THE HALL AND SHOUTED AT HER TO GO TO BED WHICH SHE DID!
I'M SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF AND FEEL DREADFUL THAT I COULD LOSE MY TEMPER LIKE THIS OVER WHAT WAS SEEMING NOTHING REALLY. HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DEAL WITH THE CONSTANT UNRELENTING GUT WRENCHING STRESS OF EVERY DETAIL OF LIFE WITH A DEMENTIA SUFFERED.
MY FLAT MATE CHECKED ON MUM TO SEE HOW SHE WAS AND SHE'S FINE, HAS FORGOTTEN IT EVER HAPPEN (SMALL MERCIES) BUT I'M DEVASTED.
PLEASE HELP BY TELLING ME IF THERE ARE WAYS TO COPE BETTER WHEN SHE'S IMPOSSIBLE TO DEAL WITH. I CAN'T HAVE ANOTHER TODAY!
ANN