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Haven't even started properly yet and I already feel like I have been set back


Registered User
Jan 20, 2015
My mother (very early stages of mixed dementias) is(was) supposed to have bunion surgery next month, which was to be carried out under a local rather than general anaesthetic as per her consultants advice. It's fairly urgent now as she's in pain and has reduced mobility. This has been on the cards for a while (surgery was initially advised quite a number of years ago, but she opted to try and manage without surgery at that point, not realising how bad it would get). Care following the surgery was apparently all in hand via her CPN, but her CPN has now been off sick for a number of weeks (months?). She does not yet have a social worker, but I think that I may have managed to get the ball rolling on that. I have just found out that because the surgery is to be carried out not at the local hospital, but at a clinic with no facility for overnight stays, care following the surgery is not possible. The only option, it appears, is to start the whole referral process again, with an initial assessment within 18 weeks, to get a referral to the hospital - which apparently only does the surgery under a general anaesthetic. I am feeling suckerpunched. We made it very clear that living about 3 hours away, we were not able to provide the after care that she would need (apparently minimum 48 hours around the clock care/supervision, and 6+ weeks close care following that). We thought the care was organised, and she has good friends and my SiL close by who could keep an eye.

After a days 'phoning and emailing, we now have a replacement for the CPN - a mental health nurse, who is going to look into this - she sounded lovely on the telephone.

So, I guess, partly this is just an explosion of frustration, and partly a request for any suggestions that can help me find a solution. I have spoken to Age UK who have pointed me in the direction of a number of factsheets, but they do seem focussed on emergency care in the event of accidents, rather than essential scheduled care. I am hoping (somewhat desperately) that the MH nurse will be able to at least point us in the right direction - I haven't even broached the distinct likelihood that the op may not be happening with my mother yet.


Registered User
Jan 20, 2015
Developments - feeling lost!

So, I spent quite a lot of time phoning round different people in case anyone could help, and now have a social worker assisting (who seems lovely), and the prospect of a social worker visiting my mother tomorrow to do an assessment: I am hoping I can find someone to care for my children after school so that I can go. Post op care was, I was told, in hand once more, and I had breathed a huge sigh of relief.

I have just been told that I need to arrange the intial residential care that my mother will need - and been given a number to discuss the financial side of things with, along with a list of 'appropriate to the needs of my mother' care homes, and I need to advise tomorrow which care home. So my question is, is there any way I can find out how friendly/comfortable/homely/suitable the places are? I've Googled, and already dismissed one on the basis of the CQC report, but am lost as to how to make a decision from here.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
I`m afraid the only way you can find a suitable home for your mother is by personal visit. I do understand how difficult this may be when you have a young and dependent family and job to maintain but there`s really no other way.

See what advice the Mental Health Nurse has to offer and don`t hold back asking for help. You will not be able to find a suitable home in the blink of an eye so don`t allow yourself to be put under that kind of pressure.


Registered User
Jan 20, 2015
I apologise, I don't think I have been very clear: My mother is living, and will continue to live, at home, hopefully for a long while yet. This is just meant to be a couple of nights in a care home environment following fairly drastic bunion surgery - next week - to enable her to regain mobility and alleviate pain. Following that, she is going to have carers in her own home until she is sufficiently recovered to manage without again. I have to tell the social worker tomorrow, which care home we choose. I cannot get there to look today - she is on the other side of the country.


Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
West Hertfordshire
I'd be inclined o ask the SW for suggestions-
What locale are we talking about?

have you considered sending her home with a 24 hour carer for a few days? prob cheaper and less worry

What i'd have thought suitable for my mum might be your idea of hell on earth!
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Registered User
May 21, 2014
They can't put you under that kind of pressure. A patient cannot be discharged without a proper care plan in place and somewhere to go to, and I would have thought it's the social worker's job to advise you here.
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Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
Might be worth posting the location on here, G-Dragon, in case there's anyone who has a relative in a good CH locally. Maybe alter your thread title to include the location so people living there gravitate towards it.

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