I lost my Mum on the 15th March so like you still learning to recognise this different grief. If it helps, I creid more during the years before her passing. I never thought I would be dealing with dementia, it was a shock and it needed a crisis for me to realise how bad things were. Cry, like you cried niagra falls, then I had to take responsibility. The only child, with the support of my own family moved her without her permission, she was diagnoised 4 weeks after with cardio-vascular, mixed dementia - SEVERE!!!! This was more traumatic for me than her, then another move 12 months later to a dementia secure unit - more and more tears, and so it went on throughout the long goodbye witnessing my Mum disappearing, then I felt I was no longer special to her, more more more tears, more tears when having to made decisions during her last few months and days. Was I doing everything she would have wanted - it was hard. I was with her when she slipped away - the tears were different, the responsibility taken away too. I like you have no regrets, I visited her every day, and more latterly helped her at lunchtimes - it didn`t matter now if she knew who I was, but deep down she knew I was speciail, but she couldnt express it. Her speech gone, but we enjoyed lots of hugs and kisses and giggles, about what, we`re not sure. I did everything I could to ensure she was well cared for, worked with the team of carers and latterly with the GP, who backed my decisions after a discussion with her. Yes the grief will continue as you and I both readjust, recover and reflect. So expect the different tears now, let them flow. Be happy that your Mum is free of this dreadful condition and you a new life too. I wish you well. Time will heal. There is no good dwelling on the past, we must look forward, we can`t change anything, and perhaps like me you have been through the "did it really happen" or as someone else on TP siad it was surreal
Big big hug
Heather x