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Firstly I want to agree with everyone who has advised against changing the POA or will.Hi there
I agree with the sage advice given here...this is the dementia talking, not your NaN as you remember her. This is a cruel, brutal disease that robs sufferers in the most awful ways.
please don’t take it personally it really isn’t directed at you. All your Nan is seeing is her house being sold but she probably doesn’t know why...this caused her to react. I would guess your Nan is feeling she’s losing in independence? Especially if she has a,ways been independent.
It was the same with my Mum when I tried to get her to see her GP for a diagnosis, she found out that I’d been contacting her GP Surgery for help and advice, her reaction was exclude me completely from her GP. I found that incredibly hurtful because all was doing was trying to help. But seeing it from her perspective I think I would be annoyed too.
Frustrating I know.
If you have Health & Welfare power of attorney it's useful to provide the GP with a copy of that too. I've never had any trouble with mum's GP refusing to speak to me about mum, even without a letter from mum providing her consent or a copy of the LPA, but some GP's are more reluctant than others to do this. If I need to speak to mum's GP the receptionists pass on the message and he always calls back the same day.One thing I have recently done is asked my dad to sign a letter giving the GP consent to discuss the medical issues with me. Without that you can't expect to discuss anything with the PWD's doctor. I recommend others to do that before it becomes impossible as dementia progresses. I am constantly amazed at all the references to talking with GPs in this forum. I can't imagine being able to call my own GP never mind someone else's and get to speak to the GP. They are protected by receptionists. They don't divulge their mobile numbers or personal email addresses. The days of Dr. Finlay answering the phone at Arden House seem long gone. I am wondering how people manage to have these useful conversations!
If you have a financial POA you should be able to get whatever details you need directly from the bank so no need to ask your nan to divulge anything.My nans GP has been brilliant and discussed concerns with us, as well as forwarding me letters that he has sent to nan mainly in relation to her driving when she no longer has her license. Nan also gave permission for the consultant to speak to me and to also include me in any letters that they send to her. Unfortunately this latest outburst seems to have stemmed from me asking for her bank card details to give to her solicitors for her searches, and her speaking to her bank who told her that she must never give her card details to a single person. That has resulted in her not trusting me and believing that I am using it for my own purposes. Whilst I understand that bank person is trying to protect her, either nan has taken their words out of context (quite possible) or they need to retrain to word things perhaps a little more sensitively.
If your Nan has dementia she may not be mentally competent to change her will, so her will as it stands currently may have to remain. When my late Dad wanted to change his will about a year before he died, he needed to be examned by a consultant psychiatrist to ensure he was mentally competent enough to understand the implications of what he was proposing to do. The psychiatrist's report said, Dad had 'senile dementia to a marked degree' so Dad's solicitor wuldn't allow the will to be changed..Hi @lensgirl ,
I would suggest you support your sister in the background, as you say you will, and wait for your nan's reactions to your not visiting and calling her any longer. She might also calm down...or not take notice of your new behaviour...or miss you.
Who knows. Dementia is so unpredictable.
I would neither remove myself from the POA nor ask your nan to remove you from her will.
The POA might be useful when her dementia worsens and in case you should help your sister with managing your nan.
Re your nan's will, your being removed from it may result in economic damage to you, only because you took offence of the whims and suspects of a demented old lady.
Is it worth it?