Have a crisis & need some advice quickly

Graybiker

Registered User
Oct 3, 2017
326
0
County Durham
Hi
Dad has undiagnosed dementia, doesn’t want a diagnosis after caring for mam (Alzheimer’s) for years.
His short term memory is non existent, but otherwise has been managing well with minimum 1 visit a day from me.
yesterday when I visited he wasn’t himself, slurring his words, hard to understand, numbness in left hand. Long story short he had a TIA, taken to hospital overnight but home today.

the first problem is, he is now much more confused than previously, which is to be expected I know, but Right now I don’t feel like I can safely leave him alone. I brought Things for an overnight stay, but obviously will have to leave at some point & there’s no-one I can ask to stay with him.
The second problem is, I am full time carer for my adult daughter. She lives independently but I spend about 5-6 hours per day with her & cook for her every night.
Obviously that cannot continue & she’s panicking about what will happen tomorrow, never mind the foreseeable future. She is under the care of Adult Mental Health Services, but cannot contact her care co-ordinator until Monday.

Does anyone know where I can go to get someone to sit with dad while I go out for an hour?
also, how can I get some care for my daughter at such short notice?

Apologies for the long, rambling message, been a bit of a day.
Any advice or links would be appreciated,
many thanks x
 

Claire250

Registered User
Sep 25, 2021
22
0
Hi Graybiker

So sorry to read of your troubles.

I would say to get in touch with your local Social Services who should be able to put you in touch with carers who can provide sitting services for your dad. My SS put me in youch with a few organisations. They were paid for services but not extortionate if you really only need an hour or so each day.


It might be a good idea to get a carer's assessment for yourself though and see if your dad would be willing to be assessed at the same time.

Take care.
 

Shedrech

Registered User
Dec 15, 2012
12,649
0
UK
hi @Graybiker
there should be an emergency contact number for your Local Authority Adult Services on the LAs website

also see if an advisor on the Support Line can help, in the morning, they open at 10am
 

Graybiker

Registered User
Oct 3, 2017
326
0
County Durham
Hi Graybiker

So sorry to read of your troubles.

I would say to get in touch with your local Social Services who should be able to put you in touch with carers who can provide sitting services for your dad. My SS put me in youch with a few organisations. They were paid for services but not extortionate if you really only need an hour or so each day.


It might be a good idea to get a carer's assessment for yourself though and see if your dad would be willing to be assessed at the same time.

Take care.
Thank you so much. I found the number & rang them. They’re going to try & sort care for my daughter tomorrow & look into someone to sit with Dad So that’s brilliant.
iI wouldn’t care but I had arranged a telephone appointment with daughter’s care co-ordinator for 2 weeks ago to discuss exactly this, but she was ill & haven’t heard anything since.
I will look into a care assessment, but the difficulty really is my daughter. Dad is 88, lost mam to Alzheimer’s 2 years ago, has no friends or other family to visit or even speak to.
Daughter is at least active on social media etc & can walk to local shop for food, order takeaway etc(though it’s rarely acceptable).
It’s so hard to get care for people with mental health problems, autism etc
Anyway, thanks for your help, much appreciated x
 

Graybiker

Registered User
Oct 3, 2017
326
0
County Durham
hi @Graybiker
there should be an emergency contact number for your Local Authority Adult Services on the LAs website

also see if an advisor on the Support Line can help, in the morning, they open at 10am
Yes, thanks, I found that & they’re looking for care for daughter & someone to sit with dad.
I will ring that number tomorrow, thank you so much x
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
Hi @Graybiker your dad may improve although probably slowly. My dad had a prolonged hospital stay and came home in a very poor state but he did improve slowly but never quite to where he was before, I had to move in 24/7 from then on.

You may not be able to care for both your dad and your daughter long-term but the advice you have been given from the others may well get you through the short-term period. Hopefully your dad may improve over the next couple of weeks but if he doesn't then you may have to look for other care for him.

I hope he improves quickly.
 

Graybiker

Registered User
Oct 3, 2017
326
0
County Durham
Hi @Graybiker your dad may improve although probably slowly. My dad had a prolonged hospital stay and came home in a very poor state but he did improve slowly but never quite to where he was before, I had to move in 24/7 from then on.

You may not be able to care for both your dad and your daughter long-term but the advice you have been given from the others may well get you through the short-term period. Hopefully your dad may improve over the next couple of weeks but if he doesn't then you may have to look for other care for him.

I hope he improves quickly.
Thank you, that’s good to hear :)
Appreciate you replying x
 

Graybiker

Registered User
Oct 3, 2017
326
0
County Durham
Update
Social Care Direct can find no-one at all to help daughter out. I will be contacting her Care Co-ordinator tomorrow.
when I got up today, a little while after dad, I heard him in the bathroom, I asked if he wanted a coffee, he said yes. I went into the kitchen & there was a full cup of tea on the table & a croissant still in the oven, oven switched on, that he had completely forgotten about.
I had to go to daughter’s today, had to resort to asking neighbour to listen out for dad & leave him a note telling him to bang on the wall if he needed help. Neighbour was fine, she was my mam’s cousin, but her husband is seriously ill & obviously I don’t want to bother her if I don’t have to.

Prior to contacting neighbour I messaged my brother who lives abroad. Asked him if he could ring dad while I was out, to make sure he was ok & keep him occupied. He said he’d “Rather wait a few days until dad’s more settled.” Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!

I didn’t manage to ring Alzheimer’s helpline today in the time available, but will be doing that tomorrow.
 

Graybiker

Registered User
Oct 3, 2017
326
0
County Durham
Another problem is, Dad doesn’t have internet, so I’m tethering my phone to iPad, but he lives in a place with a bad signal so it keeps dropping out.
Above message is incomplete.

What I also said is that Dad is 88, probably not that long left & I would like to spend as much time with him as possible. I know his routine etc very well, we rub along just fine. He is happy & content when I am here. I can manage him no problem. I WANT to take care of him.
my daughter is 23, I have the rest of my life to take care of her, as I have done alone so far. But all I am offered is care for dad & not for her. It’s not right. It’s not unreasonable to want his last few years to be as easy & comfortable as possible. He wouldn’t take well to carers coming in. Mam had Alzheimer’s, I arranged carers twice a day for meds etc. Dad cancelled it as he said it was too intrusive & inconvenient.
Of course I am aware that I might not be able to care for Dad indefinitely, I will know when I can’t after experiencing Mam’s difficulties. But I am angry that I am not being given the support I need to do that.

Sorry but not sorry for rant. I know I can do that here.
Thanks again x
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,620
0
@Graybiker I felt like that with my dad who was 89 and he also had terminal cancer so I basically left my husband and son to themselves for a year until dad died. My husband did help me a lot though. Dad was very content with me there or my husband and we all got along great but it did wear me down.

I hope that you can continue to take care of your dad as long as possible. I admit that looking after dad wore me down but I did have a lot of fun with him, he was easy to care for and no problem really. Like you I wanted his remaining time to be happy and I think that it was.
 

Graybiker

Registered User
Oct 3, 2017
326
0
County Durham
@Graybiker I felt like that with my dad who was 89 and he also had terminal cancer so I basically left my husband and son to themselves for a year until dad died. My husband did help me a lot though. Dad was very content with me there or my husband and we all got along great but it did wear me down.

I hope that you can continue to take care of your dad as long as possible. I admit that looking after dad wore me down but I did have a lot of fun with him, he was easy to care for and no problem really. Like you I wanted his remaining time to be happy and I think that it was.
Thank you, that’s so good to hear, though I can see how hard it was for you. I keep saying, so long as he’s happy, that’s fine with me. That’s all we can hope for isn’t it?
I’m well aware it will get tougher, but will do what I can for as long as I can, as we did with Mam.
I’ve been worn down for the last 25 years, , I’m well used to it, but determined to get as much help as I can in the coming months/years. I know it will be a fight but it has to be done.

I hope you are ok now & I really appreciate your reply
Thanks x
 

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