Has my husband got the signs of dementia?

[olderbutnotanyw]

Hi It's funny isn't it how I've in the past worried that it'll be me getting dementia - my mum had it, her sister had it & her dad had it. Yet now here's me pondering if it's my husband. in the early stages.

He's recently started to get annoyed at me when asking him politely to do something. Examples are getting loud in the pub and swearing to the point where others are looking at him and then him telling me to shut up when I gently requst he bes a bit quieter. The again asking if he could remember to lock the back door each evening after gaving a smoke, he got really annoyed at me. Also when requesting him to turn the telly down please.

He's accusing me of treating him "Like a child" and he's never had anybod y do so in all his life. It's beginning to get me down I feel like I can't say anything for fear of annoying him. I'm beginning to want a divorce I don't want to live like this.

Is it me or him at fault here? I don't wan tto live out my final years being unhappy or scared to say anything

.Any thoughts at all would be helpful please - any reflections if it's me or him at fault including me over reacting. Thanks...

 

[Grannie G]

He's recently started to get annoyed at me

This is how it began with us @olderbutnotanyw. It got to the stage where if I breathed in I felt I should have breathed out.

I suggest its time you start keeping a diary and then you will have something solid to show your doctor

 

[Lawson58]

I think the early red flags for me were my husband's paranoia. It didn't matter what I did or how I did it, he was the victim. I was always criticizing him, he could never do anything right and I was the source of all his problems.

It is an incredibly difficult situation to deal with and we had huge personal problems for a number of years. We actually discussed separation but it wasn't a financially realistic option so stayed together.

Just the other day at his regular geriatrician's appointment, in a discussion about his 80th birthday, he very sneakily suggested that I was very good at keeping secrets from him. The secret I had kept was that his brother was coming from UK as a surprise for his birthday.

Grannie has suggested that you keep a record of your husband's behavior and if it persists I think a chat with his GP would be a good move.

 

[Grahamstown]

I'm beginning to want a divorce

Oh yes I know that feeling and looking back that’s how it gradually began to dawn on me that this was not right. My husband’s symptoms were different but I didn’t like the way life was going. The problem is often getting the person to agree to see the doctor and I am sure other people will give you advice but that’s definitely the next step.

 

[canary]

When I read your words my heart almost stopped because OH used to say those exact words to me too.
He was always accusing me of "taking him over", "trying to control him" and "stopping him doing things"
If I questioned anything he said or did this was interpreted as me criticising him and saying "no" would send him into a rage. I thought of leaving him too, but deep down inside I knew he was ill.

I agree - start keeping a journal of all the odd and out of character things that he says and does.

 

[jenniferjean]

The problem is often getting the person to agree to see the doctor and I am sure other people will give you advice but that’s definitely the next step.

I tricked my husband. I made an appointment for myself but explained over the phone that I wanted the doctor to see my husband. I asked him to come with me and wait in the waiting room. After a few minutes while I had told the doctor what was happening, she called him into the surgery and took it from there.

 

[olderbutnotanyw]

Thanks Sylvia - funnily enough I actually started to a few nights ago! He's been much better today but that's how it tends to go up and down.

 

[olderbutnotanyw]

Thank you for your replies so far. They have been very helpful! Funnily enough I started to keep a diary a few nights ago.

If my husband has the start of it then I'm happy to support him - a long road ahead indeed if so - I remember my dad looking after my mum then eventually her going to a Nursing home...

 

[Guzelle]

My husband is now in a care home but this is how he was in the early stages. He would accuse me of bullying him when I was trying to help him. He was always critical of things I said and did. He would argue about anything. He would have days when he seemed more his old self aswell. I also thought of leaving him because I was so unhappy. He was rude to close relatives aswell. If he suggested doing anything and I said I couldn’t I was at work that day he would shout at me and say I was never available. He was unreasonable most of the time. I dare not say no to him or he would throw things at me!