Know this comes up a lot but OH has the sort of incontinence that is not getting to the loo in time or messing up the physical process of a pee. Never at night or just sitting around which makes it seem more like something that can be worked round Is distressing him HUGELY and he hates pads and hates me prompting him to go to the loo regularly. Now doesn't want to go out at all in case it goes wrong. Anxious sleeping in case it does start happening at night. ( Waterproof cover on mattress and occasionally wears pull-ups if particularly worried) Has anyone ever found a way of resolving this? Could it be linked to meds? On Donepezil (normal dose) and Memantine (low dose). No UTI and had scan of bladder and kidneys which didn't show any real cause.
Has anyone managed to resolve incontinence?
- Thread starter Pots and Pans
- Start date
I bought Tena Men pull-ups which OH wears all the time- the padding is mostly at the front. They look like underpants- white with grey stripes, and he says they are comfortable. So easy to replace and dispose of into the bin.
Thank you @ Old Flopsy I know the pants. But doesn't it mean an awful lot of changing every day? Jeans off to change them whereas pads just pads. Due to mobility issues I mostly have to help get jeans on and off as well as shoes, so I suspect lots of bad temper! Just wondering too if can try anything else to help eg drinking different fluids? Changing meds? Adding a medication to help bladder control maybe? Anyone done that with any success?
Just a thought, not that it is the same but my wife has double incontinence and we use Tena Slips which I have to pull down her jeans and knickers to change but she can leave on her shoes, jeans and knickers while I change the pads. She has pro super medium because they have the largest capacity but they must do a mens with smaller capacity. They have a wrap around waist band and the pad goes under and has velcro type tags at the front (not a great description but you would understand if you saw one). Try contacting your local continence service via your GP. They provided us with different samples to try. I understand each continence service offers anything from suggestions, through to samples, and sometimes regular free supplies. see https://dementiaguidance.co.uk
Rather than jeans, which can be ‘stiff’ and have zip and buttons to cope with, could your husband wear jogging bottoms when just trundling around at home? With elasticated waists they are easy to take down quickly and easy to wash and dry when necessary.
First time on this forum, didn’t realise so many people in the same position as me. My H is up all night, doesn’t recognise toilet, wanders around with me in hot pursuit. I haven’t slept through the night for 3 years. He hates Tena pants and takes them off in middle of night. Seeing my H so diminished is heartbreaking. There doesn’t seem much practical help out there but reading all these messages makes me realise I am not alone and I will get through this nightmare.
Thank you. Sound great. We are not yet referred to continence service. Can try via GP but I will look online for these. Can only talk to GP on phone really. Something comfy might make all the difference. Only problem is that these sound complex enough for me to have to fit in... something else OH hates having to ask. But he does stuff with pads like putting them in wrong way round. Yesterday had all the sticky side stuck to himself. Like a mini wax job removing!
Thanks. Yes. Tried to go this route and will sometimes wear a pair but he is a dyed-in-the-wool jeans plus belt wearer. Never wears anything else out of choice except the odd pair of combats ( buttons!) Or, in summer, denim shorts. Carries no surplus weight so can still wear shorts in late 70s - same waist size as in his 30s too as always active till the fall last year. Kinda part of his identity and losing denim for him would be so depressing - another nail in coffin. But yes, it's another compromise we are going to have to get into...
Agree. To me its the worst part... someone I care about so much falling slowly apart. Heartbreaking indeed to see him sit and cry after a toilet accident - plenty of capacity enough still to be aware of what has happened but desperately depressed about this issue. Not wandering at night yet... if you handle that level with no help, am full of admiration for you. Forum already helping me. Other members truly do understand. Friends etc never see full picture (we have no family to help,). Not like I can discuss incontinence with his mates! (Chance would be a fine thing anyway in all this lockdown stuff,).
@Browny10 thanks for the dementia guide. Lots of stuff in there about records etc I had never heard of. Have the AA and council tax discount and blue badge but had never heard of Herbert bottles etc. Main problem I have with this is who to put down to help ( same with respite). One good neighbour/friend who is currently moving ( and has a key) but no one else really close enough or able enough to rely on. Should I just put down local GP? Am just registered on local carers support so this might help. Thanks so much for advice though. Will get my act together. Hadn't thought got instance about packing bag either yet we did this for a year when son had terminal cancer and when not with us (on off at own home) we had to be ready to jump into action rapidly. Same thing now really for me.
Mum was on Donepezil and pee'd gallons - definitely more out than in - so may be worth looking at that. We stopped it due to other unwanted side effects, but it may just be a matter of adjusting the timing of the dose.
You can get incontinence pants that are washable, and look / feel like "normal" underwear. Capacity won't be like a pad/pants, but it may work for you - although there is still the changing them issue.
A couple of tips with changing:
the pull ups tear down the side, so easily removed.
only need to remove one shoe and one leg from trousers. Feed the trousered leg through the leg hole in the pants, followed by the other (empty) leg of the trousers, through the same hole. I think it makes more sense in practise!
@Pixie 911 - this may be a step to far, but you can get adult sleep suits (do up a the back), to prevent your husband removing the pad at night. I can't find the link, but if you search some of the incontinence posts on here you will find it.
You can get incontinence pants that are washable, and look / feel like "normal" underwear. Capacity won't be like a pad/pants, but it may work for you - although there is still the changing them issue.
A couple of tips with changing:
the pull ups tear down the side, so easily removed.
only need to remove one shoe and one leg from trousers. Feed the trousered leg through the leg hole in the pants, followed by the other (empty) leg of the trousers, through the same hole. I think it makes more sense in practise!
@Pixie 911 - this may be a step to far, but you can get adult sleep suits (do up a the back), to prevent your husband removing the pad at night. I can't find the link, but if you search some of the incontinence posts on here you will find it.
you can buy elasticated jeans like joggers but denim or combats the same. if he doesnt like all elastic, my husband has elastic on the sides of his jeans. he is not in pull-ups yet but has had a few accidents and these maybe a compromise. still got button and zip but looser and stretchier[he likes the stretch jeans which are not so rigid]
Thanks, both of you. So helpful to hear from others with experience. It's all just so distressing for my husband. Throws him into a sulk/wants to shoot himself mood which then ends up ratty for rest of the day.
Look on chums.co.uk website if you are interested in elasticated jeans. I bough some for my dad to avoid the need for a belt.
Have you discussed any sleeping medications with his GP? Mum has Mirtazipine and Quetiapine, and does, mostly, now sleep through the night. Before she could be up 5 or 6 times, which, as you know, is very wearing. There is a trade off, as these may increase the risk of falls. I worked on the principle that if Mum is asleep, she not up wandering around and potentially going to fall anyway.
I only found this forum a few months ago (4 years along the road to hell), and isn't it a relief to know that others are out there dealing with the same problems as you? It doesn't make it any better, but no-one mentions these things when they wave you off from the memory clinic, and you think you're the only one experiencing them!
Oh dear! I saw the title of your post then your user name... and thought maybe you'd found your own solution!
I think anxiety is the thing here. When my mum first started becoming incontinent her reaction was very much the same as your husband because she had enough awareness to know she was wetting herself which brought feelings of shame, embarrassment, etc. I'm not surprised. It must be awful. But at the same time, mum often didn't know where she was (in a care home) or thought she was at school so she imagined she would get punished and humiliated for wetting/messing herself, which is very sad. This led to a certain amount of denial - the large brown mess in the middle of the carpet was nothing to do with her, someone had come in and done it in the night. She hadn't wet her pad - the girls (carers) made her wear them and they were always wet when they put them on. Etc, etc. Sometimes it was funny, mostly it was heartbreaking.
What I can say is that this stage was short lived and it passed. She soon got used to wearing pads and became much more accepting. (Though it's sad at the same time because you know the dementia is progressing as more awareness is lost.) I hope it's the same for your husband...
I think anxiety is the thing here. When my mum first started becoming incontinent her reaction was very much the same as your husband because she had enough awareness to know she was wetting herself which brought feelings of shame, embarrassment, etc. I'm not surprised. It must be awful. But at the same time, mum often didn't know where she was (in a care home) or thought she was at school so she imagined she would get punished and humiliated for wetting/messing herself, which is very sad. This led to a certain amount of denial - the large brown mess in the middle of the carpet was nothing to do with her, someone had come in and done it in the night. She hadn't wet her pad - the girls (carers) made her wear them and they were always wet when they put them on. Etc, etc. Sometimes it was funny, mostly it was heartbreaking.
What I can say is that this stage was short lived and it passed. She soon got used to wearing pads and became much more accepting. (Though it's sad at the same time because you know the dementia is progressing as more awareness is lost.) I hope it's the same for your husband...
Thanks. Nights ok. It's getting frustrated or angry in the day, espec evenings, that seems to bring it on. Or any effort. Do hope it is short lived. Have just ordered washable pants and will look into jeans with no belt needed.
@Jaded'n'faded sadly pots and pans dobt work! Unless I brain him with one...
