Has anyone experienced this?

[dragnet]

I Look after my father of 80 years+ who has alzheimer's for about eight years he still dresses himself and makes a drink. My mother and I are at times finding it very difficult as she is in her 80's but mobile but we are going to bed exhausted and a headache we hardly find anything good to laugh at anymore.

My father is always arguing whatever we say he replies by saying the same old thing I do this for you and that , I work my fingers to the bone,( but does not do anything). He wants to die, he talks non stop to himself. At least he does not go out walking anywhere. He constantly is in and out of the the toilet before he has to go out.

We cannot get to him to have a bath and showers are definite no what is the best way for us to get him to wash.

Is there any advice why he constantly has to talk to themselves how to deal with a situation when he gets angry as we know we are going to get an ear full and then upset us and we know there is no good reasoning with him walking away does not help as he follows us and talks through the door.

 

[Haylett]

Dragnet - I'm so sorry, this all sounds very wearying for you and your mother - and clearly your poor father isn't happy either. Do you get any outside help at all? Did your father have any particular interests that you (or some outside carer) might be able to tap into? eg. gardening, cars, fishing, mending or making things? Playing cards? Music is a great soother, if there are any particular types, or era of music that your father enjoyed in the past? Did he like dancing?

We put music on for Mum to help her to sleep; we used lavender oil on her pillow to soothe her; we also had things she could do, such as plant seeds, re pot seedlings, play the xylophone, cards - she also enjoyed looking at cards she had received for birthdays or Christmas. We read poetry to her and Shakespeare and got out memory boxes from the library (old school things; war ration books and tins etc ) but you could make your own memory box for something that might interest your dad, make him more settled - and so get a break for you and your Mum.

I hope someone offers you something that works for you. You're bound to get good advice here.

 

[dragnet]

Dragnet - I'm so sorry, this all sounds very wearying for you and your mother - and clearly your poor father isn't happy either. Do you get any outside help at all? Did your father have any particular interests that you (or some outside carer) might be able to tap into? eg. gardening, cars, fishing, mending or making things? Playing cards? Music is a great soother, if there are any particular types, or era of music that your father enjoyed in the past? Did he like dancing?

We put music on for Mum to help her to sleep; we used lavender oil on her pillow to soothe her; we also had things she could do, such as plant seeds, re pot seedlings, play the xylophone, cards - she also enjoyed looking at cards she had received for birthdays or Christmas. We read poetry to her and Shakespeare and got out memory boxes from the library (old school things; war ration books and tins etc ) but you could make your own memory box for something that might interest your dad, make him more settled - and so get a break for you and your Mum.

I hope someone offers you something that works for you. You're bound to get good advice here.

Yes he like gardening and chopping away at bushes and plants but nothing really interests him he never has been one for music we are looking into having help but itis the asking makes you feel you have failed

 

[juniepoonie]

dragnet you must ask for you your mum an dad. it can get so hard that you are desperate in the end. don't let it get to that point if it isn't all ready. it can be quite difficult knowing where to go for help. has dad been assessed yet by the CMHT does he have social worker? if no get the help of your doctor make him understand you need help. sometimes you need to spell it out . good luck juniepoonie