Has Anyone Ever Had To Lock Their PWD In Whilst They Go Out?

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,391
Kent
The question from the OP was about locking a person with dementia in the home and leaving them alone while out to do shopping.

Its completely different to locking doors to keep the person with dementia safe and staying with them.

Secure units in care homes are always staffed and people with dementia are not alone. There are procedures to be adopted during emergencies.

I locked doors to keep my husband from going walkabout but he was never left alone.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
12,671
England
That’s right Sylvia, locked doors when there is someone there is ok but the original poster posed the question ‘ if you go out shopping’ which should be a no no even if it was not breaking the law.
 

ChristinaG

Registered User
Feb 21, 2017
92
No, in England and Wales a DoLS order only covers care homes and hospitals, not domestic settings.
I wrote to the local authority social services to check this and was told I would be breaking the law if i locked mum in on her own at home. In fact they came rushing round to see me on the same day I raised it. I was so worried mum would leave the house at night as she kept opening the front door or someone would get in. I had to sleep overnight with her and get overnight care support on the days i couldn't stay as only then could i lock the front door. It is true that only care homes and hospitals can seek a DoLS but I was told this meant that it isn't possible lock anyone in a domestic house not that the law can be ignored. If unsure it's probably best to email ir call adult social care at your local authority.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,589
Essex
Hello again! I have an update in that my youngest brother who is inclined to be invisible is coming at 4 pm so I am happy. Dad is relaxed and looking forward to seeing his son. Of course I would like my brother to be around more often (and so does dad) but he is coming today. Therefore I am so happy I can almost forgive him for being invisible and saying that as I have chosen to stay at home I am partly responsible for dad's Alzheimers. I could give a few other reasons for dad's Alzheimers but I am too polite and I have a lot to deal with as a carer without anymore aggro. I also realise that some people are 'afraid' of the symptoms.

MaNaAk
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
431
If dad can get out of the back door and into the garden then he's not locked in.

I have my own key to dads front door and always lock it when I leave. Dad has his own key but is always losing it!! I leave a key in the back doors and I hope he won't take them out or he'll lose those too...

If you think he'll be fine for those 3 hours on his own I don't see a problem. It would be different if you were locking all the exits and he couldn't get out in an emergency!
I agree with this. I too have on occasion locked my dad's porch door as he has a habit of wandering and only goes through this door to do so. He has two other ways to come out his house.
I admit I don't like locking the door but it was his idea and, going by his experiences, he's more at risk being taken advantage of when he is out in the streets in the middle of the night than from an indoor fire.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,589
Essex
Thankyou once again! The latest update is that I phoned at 5 pm and the carer answered the phone so all was well! The carer had it on her records that she was due to visit so we don't know what happened at the office!

MaNaAk
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
All's well then. How did you feel while you were out? For me, I just could not stop thinking about mum in house alone.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,589
Essex
All's well then. How did you feel while you were out? For me, I just could not stop thinking about mum in house alone.
I know how you feel Tin. I was okay but when dad started sundowning before we got the carers involved there were times when I was quite shaken. Then I tell myself I am trying to do my best for dad and that I am doing more than my siblings. Next time I'm told that my living at home is partly responsible for dad's Alzheimers I might decide to say something though!

MaNaAk
 

YorkshireLass

Registered User
Feb 15, 2017
208
Ilkley
I believe if the stage has arrived where the PWD has to be locked in and couldn't unlock the door themselves and get out knowing what they were doing then you must be looking at 24 hour care. I ended up in this situation and had my mum with me every hour of the day. Obviously it's impossible to continue this level of care without other support/sitters. There was only myself and my husband and after investigating private carers from an agency (whilst my husband sat with mum!) very reluctantly I just had to look at residential care for mum. A terrible situation where unfortunately it takes a crisis for you to realise you can't go on.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,589
Essex
I believe if the stage has arrived where the PWD has to be locked in and couldn't unlock the door themselves and get out knowing what they were doing then you must be looking at 24 hour care. I ended up in this situation and had my mum with me every hour of the day. Obviously it's impossible to continue this level of care without other support/sitters. There was only myself and my husband and after investigating private carers from an agency (whilst my husband sat with mum!) very reluctantly I just had to look at residential care for mum. A terrible situation where unfortunately it takes a crisis for you to realise you can't go on.
Yes! Unfortunately one of my brothers seems to think it is partly my fault!

MaNaAk
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
2,473
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hello everyone!

As you all know I now have carers coming in about twice a week and at the moment dad can still be left for a certain amount of time whilst I go shopping. However I want to ask if anyone has ever had to lock their PWD in whilst they do a bit of shopping or go out in the afternoon. Dad is generally clearer during the day and if I have to lock the front door he will still be able to get into the back garden if need be. I don't want to incarcerate dad too much but I would like him to be safe. On Saturday I will be in until about 2 pm when I have to go out. I will phone dad at 5 pm to make sure he is okay and then my brother will be coming to see him at about 5.30/6.00 pm. I thought the care agency had this date done in their books but I checked and I found that they hadn't and of course it is too late for them to get anyone. The fact that I told them I was celebrating a friends birthday seems to have confused them!

MaNaAk
When my son was a little boy I often had to leave him at home for a short time because I had no other choice available.
I made sure he was safe at home and then I went out.
I never thought I was breaking the law, even though I probably was.
Forty years later, I would do the same with my husband
Only if it were absolutely necessary, of course.
And for a very short time
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,598
Liverpool
MaNaAk I know you know it already, but it doesn't harm to hear it, blaming you for this vile illness is ridiculous, none of this is your fault!

Funnily enough my sister who hasn't ever helped with mum one iota also put the blame for my mum having alzheimers firmly at my door.

I personally think she was trying to justify to herself not helping out, but telling me I was responsible and having the cheek to text the same has done nothing for our relationship which is now non existent.

Hey ho such is life. I hope she sleeps at nights, or do I? Mmm, now there's a thought. :D:rolleyes:  x
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,589
Essex
MaNaAk I know you know it already, but it doesn't harm to hear it, blaming you for this vile illness is ridiculous, none of this is your fault!

Funnily enough my sister who hasn't ever helped with mum one iota also put the blame for my mum having alzheimers firmly at my door.

I personally think she was trying to justify to herself not helping out, but telling me I was responsible and having the cheek to text the same has done nothing for our relationship which is now non existent.

Hey ho such is life. I hope she sleeps at nights, or do I? Mmm, now there's a thought. :D:rolleyes:  x
I think both your sister and my brother are afraid of the symptoms of this illness as my brother clearly doesn't have the patience to deal with it. Also I have a friend whose parents do not have dementia but she is being blamed for their illnesses because she is the one doing most of the caring. The invisibles who blame us for our parents' ill health don't realise that they will need care themselves at some stage or they will probably become carers and then maybe they will start to think of us.

Hugs to you

MaNaAk
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,598
Liverpool
The invisibles who blame us for our parents' ill health don't realise that they will need care themselves at some stage or they will probably become carers and then maybe they will start to think of us.
MaNaAk
I agree with you. I have to say that should my little sis ever get poorly and need care or support (hopefully she won't) I trust she won't feel it's ok to come knocking at my door as I'm afraid the answer would be no I won't do it. Sometimes what goes around comes around!
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,589
Essex
Of course it isn't your fault.
Thankyou Myss!

Invisibles can't do our job because they don't have the patience. The first time my brother said this was when he found out that dad wouldn't let me leave the hospital when he had to stay the night. This was the time when dad had a few falls because he had very low sodium but this one night his sugar level was found to be 2% (I had battled to keep his appetite up to stop his blood sugar level getting too low) I literally saved dad's life that night. One brother thanked me and said I did brilliantly but I didn't know how to react to the other brother except that I realised later that he has no idea how to cope with Alzheimers or diabetes for that matter. Every time dad has sparkling diabetic results I realise it is down to me maintaining the same diet dad had before Alzheimers made him forgetful.

We carers have to deal with other relatives as well as PWDs!

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
1,589
Essex
I agree with you. I have to say that should my little sis ever get poorly and need care or support (hopefully she won't) I trust she won't feel it's ok to come knocking at my door as I'm afraid the answer would be no I won't do it. Sometimes what goes around comes around!
Dear Lavender,

In January of this year the brother who said that my living at home is partly responsible for dad's Alzheimers (this is now laughable!) said that he wouldnt expect his partner to have to care for him which on one level is very thoughtful of him. He is seven years older than her but he forgot that Dad was seven years older than mum and he ended up caring for her before she passed away from heart trouble. My brother's poor partner was rather speechless because she probably still remembers her potential mother-in-law. Just because one person is older than the other doesn't mean that the older person won't end up as a carer one day. I love my brother and I know he loves me but I don't think he know what he is talking about!

MaNaAk
 

Islay

Registered User
Apr 9, 2018
21
Hi there, I’ve just joined this forum, but am sadly not new to the world of dementia.

Have you thought about a camera that links to your phone? I have the nest cam, and every time there is movement in the room it gives my mobile phone a text message. Could put it in the hallway if movement in the front room is too frequent? There is also a facility you can pay extra to record footage when movement. You can also converse through the speaker of person able to communicate. x