hardly type because of tears

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Gromit, Apr 25, 2007.

  1. Gromit

    Gromit Registered User

    Apr 3, 2006
    187
    Edinburgh
    Well, there you go, tears totally set in. Crying while trying to type. Maybe that means I have realised diagnosis 2 weeks on even though expected it.

    THIS IS MY DAD!!!

    Can't express how I feel other than devastated.

    I really hate this. My job is fixing things - of a sort. I can always help organisations. I always find solutions. I always am relied upon. Why can't I sort this out?????

    I cannot believe how much I am upset right now. Is this normal?

    Does having a rubber stamp of diagnosis mean you have to feel this way?

    I was ok when I thought it could be something else. Why am I being sooooo pathetic.

    Hubby gone to bed. Don't blame him. Tearful wife is prob traumatic. Its just all so unreal.

    Sorry to be off loading like this. But I really need to.

    Thanks.

    Phew.

    Will need good make up tomorrow I reckon.

    Love to you all.

    Alison.

    XXX
     
  2. janew

    janew Registered User

    Mar 28, 2005
    51
    Dear Allison,

    I found the diagnosis really hard to accept and I could not believe it was happening to my mum. I think this was the hardest time for me.

    Few years down the line, each day you seem to face new challenges. I am working full-time but my mum goes to an EMI home while I am at work as can't be left now - tonight I have collected her and she had a fight with a resident as she has a fixation at the moment about 'toilets' - I just can't believe this once mild mannered person has come to this. I just wonder what is next round the corner.

    I have learned to try and enjoy each day as it comes - some days are worse and then you get a good day - not very often now.

    The most important part is to look after yourself - its taken me a few years to believe this - I didn't want to give in and its only recently that I have given in for respite but since doing this I feel so much better and can continue caring a bit longer.

    Love Jane
     
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Dear Alison

    It sounds like a classic example of shock, and why shouldn't you be shocked? As for normal: well it wouldn't be normal if you weren't upset - in effect you've been told your father has a terminal illness. A long terminal illness, and depending on his age and other health conditions, something might happen before, but a terminal illness all the same.

    I know it's a cliche, but time is about the only thing that's going to help you cope. Obviously you'll never feel happy about this, but coping can be good.

    Love

    Jennifer
     
  4. Gromit

    Gromit Registered User

    Apr 3, 2006
    187
    Edinburgh
    Selfish

    Sorry for the outburst everyone.

    Dad is in very early stages - I feel such a fraud for feeling this upset when I know how much everyone else is dealing with and coping so admirably too.

    I think it is hard at the moment because I was hoping for something else. And because he is so physically fit and still very funny - great sense of humour.

    I hate thinking that I will watch and experience him going on this journey - but for goodness sake think how bad that must be for my Mum to watch. Careful now, I might get tearful again. I feel like I am going to watch losing my Dad and watch my Mum suffer through it. where the heck is the blummin magic wand?

    fix this one then Mr Potter!

    Sorry, but I am so low at the moment my sense of humour would embarass by Dad even - as in it is rubbish.

    Crikey - my eyes look like I've been in the ring with Mr Tyson. Woah!

    think its going to be a long night.

    Love to all of you - as always.

    XXXXXXXX
     
  5. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    Alison: if you get in the ring with Tyson, it's your ears you should be looking out for!

    Jennifer
     
  6. Gromit

    Gromit Registered User

    Apr 3, 2006
    187
    Edinburgh
    Jennifer - I soo remember that - ugh! No wonder he spat it out though, nothing worse than grissel (sp).

    Tabloids had a field day with the close ups as I recall.

    so if Tyson isn't the right comparison for my eyes (ears only) I wonder if anyone can give me a better comparison.

    Basically I look like I have been trying to use Botox on my eyelids it would seem!

    Love
    A
    xxxxx

    P.S. thanks for cheering me up!
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,884
    Kent
    Dear Alison and Jane,

    A diagnosis of Alzheimers is so shocking, and so scary, it`s not surprising it takes time to sink in. All you can see is a long road ahead, having to watch the deterioration and being expected to stay strong.

    It`s a tall order, and reduces us all to tears. Tears for ourselves and tears for those we love.

    Never apologize for off loading on TP. This is why it`s here. In using TP, you are not causing further upset to any of your family members, who have enough on their plates, but communicating with people in the same or similar situations who have been where you are now.

    I hope you feel a bit better this morning, and if not, there is always someone here.
     
  8. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Jane, that is really good advice.

    Dear Alison, I'm really sorry that you are grieving so much about your dad. There will still be things you can fix in the future, concerning your dad's care and quality of life, if not the diagnosis. Once as fixer always a fixer, I reckon.:) Do look after yourself too, however. Love Deborah
     
  9. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Alison,
    Maybe the first tears of many I am afraid - tears of sadness, frustration, annoyance, desperation and some joy. All we can do is love and support our parents through this - your fixing skills are going to be a God send!!!
    Love Helen
     
  10. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Alison,

    Don't ever apologise for offloading. That's what we're here for.

    And don't ever think, either, that we're all coping.

    We all went through the same tears and panic when we realised that this awful illness was real, and we had to cope with it. It's a scary proposition.

    And we all still have days when we think we can't cope, when all we do is cry, and all we want to do is run away. You'd have to be superhuman not to feel like that sometimes.

    So turn to us whenever you feel bad, just as we'll turn to you. We all need each other.

    How are the eyes this morning, by the way?:D

    Love,
     
  11. Gromit

    Gromit Registered User

    Apr 3, 2006
    187
    Edinburgh
    Embarrassed

    Feeling a bit better today if not a tad embarrassed for being so upset yesterday. though I suppose it is to be expected.

    I am so grateful for all your kind words and support.

    Eyes are a bit dodge today but nothing a good concealor can't sort out.

    Many thanks for being there for me.

    Sending love and hugs. Words aren't enough to thank you all.

    Alison

    XXX {{{{{HUGS********** XXX
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,884
    Kent
    Dear Alison, don`t be embarrassed.

    We all know where you`re coming from and with all the strength in the world, can`t stop the tears flowing at really bad times.

    I find it much easier and less embarrassing to cry on TP, than with `there, there` people who mean well but don`t really understand.
     
  13. chip

    chip Registered User

    Jul 19, 2005
    400
    Scotland
    Thinking of you Alison. Its a rollacoaster ride. Good and bad days. At the moment its fighting for what is right that keeps me going. I aim to change things for all carers and sufferers. After all no-one knows who will get this next and who will have to care at any age. I'm here if you want to talk.
     

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