Hard to move on

[Roma]

My mum died in 2010 of end stage Alzheimer's - hung on to bitter end with all the horrors that entails.

My problem at the moment is that I have been caring for my mother in law who has vascular dementia since my mum died without any break in between and every day that I see her it just keeps reminding me of how my mum suffered in her last months. It's as though I can't move on until my mother in law dies and I can be free of all things dementia related.

There are differences with my mum and MIL as MIL is more aggressive and unwilling to be helped and can be quite abusive verbally when she doesn't understand why she needs help with showering when in her mind she has already been in the shower. My mum was very grateful for my help and was never aggressive, although when she went into a care home she became a bit aggressive because she didn't understand what was happening to her and she lost her language skills.

I feel very teary today - not helped by my fluctuating hormones due to perimenopause

I know everyone on this forum understands what I'm going through. I just wish it wasn't so hard.

Roma

 

[bilslin]

Hi roma sorry you're having a bad day. Sounds like you need abit of me time have you got carers coming to help. Its good to get on tp and off load, isn't. I've been caring for my mum for 8years and up to 3years ago cared for my dad who sadly passed away. So I know how it is not to get a break. What about family can't they help. Or what about the pros crossroads or age concern. Good luck with it hope you feel better soon. Linda xx

 

[Roma]

Thanks for your reply Linda.

It would be pointless getting carers in as she would refuse to let them through the door. My own mum had carers after a bit of persuasion, but she had a slight awareness that things weren't right with her and she needed help, and as I lived half an hours drive away from her it was sensible to have carers come in twice a day to see to her medication and her meals, but then she started to go walkabout looking for her mum and dad (deceased) and I knew then it was time to move her into a care home.

I live much closer to my MIL so it's easier to get to her. There is no other family, apart from me and my husband (her son), who isn't finding it easy to handle but does help.

I think like a lot of people we're just waiting for the 'crisis' to happen for us to take action.

In the meantime I'll just do my best to care for her, but I think we may get some respite care for a couple of weeks in a care home just to give me a break.

Thanks again Linda - it certainly does help to come to TP to offload.

Roma x