Hello
I have not posted since just after my mother died in early February 2021. I am feeling very mixed up emotionally and more isolated than when I was keeping mum shielded from COVID-19.
1) The funeral cannot take place until 1st March.
2) My siblings are in other support bubbles created when mum was alive. Hence I am still effectively isolated in the house, just do not have mum sitting in her chair.
3) I had not appreciated how much caring for mum and related matters filled my day. Now I just wander round the house, having sorted the funeral and utilities out.
4) The house is so quiet and I find I am okay for a while then get pole axed with feelings of grief. I guess I am in shock. I had prepared myself for mum’s ongoing decline into Dementia over several more years and was happy to support her. Her sudden decline with heart failure was not something I had imagined would happen. Two days of palliative care where mum rapidly slipped away from knowing I was there was very hard to deal with after total isolation for almost a year.
5) My major problem is I cannot at present get back to old mum pre Dementia in my memories. Four years of caring, one of which we were shielding, all I have are Dementia related memories. I can only hope over time I will connect with old mum in my memories.
I find myself talking to mum, hoping she is now at peace. I feel very lonely, isolated, emotionally low, but then that represents where I am.
I have not posted since just after my mother died in early February 2021. I am feeling very mixed up emotionally and more isolated than when I was keeping mum shielded from COVID-19.
1) The funeral cannot take place until 1st March.
2) My siblings are in other support bubbles created when mum was alive. Hence I am still effectively isolated in the house, just do not have mum sitting in her chair.
3) I had not appreciated how much caring for mum and related matters filled my day. Now I just wander round the house, having sorted the funeral and utilities out.
4) The house is so quiet and I find I am okay for a while then get pole axed with feelings of grief. I guess I am in shock. I had prepared myself for mum’s ongoing decline into Dementia over several more years and was happy to support her. Her sudden decline with heart failure was not something I had imagined would happen. Two days of palliative care where mum rapidly slipped away from knowing I was there was very hard to deal with after total isolation for almost a year.
5) My major problem is I cannot at present get back to old mum pre Dementia in my memories. Four years of caring, one of which we were shielding, all I have are Dementia related memories. I can only hope over time I will connect with old mum in my memories.
I find myself talking to mum, hoping she is now at peace. I feel very lonely, isolated, emotionally low, but then that represents where I am.