1. Livveywills

    Livveywills Registered User

    Jul 11, 2015
    57
    So mum has been in the care home for a week and a half, it seemed to be going so well, but now she wants to go home, she doesn't need any help or support. I clearly just want to get rid of her.
    I'm getting guilt trip phone calls, and when I went to see her today she looked so unhappy, after around 40 mins of her constantly telling me that there is nothing wrong with her and what is my problem and why can't she take care of herself I left the room. Tried every distraction conversation I could think of.

    In the end I took her out to take the dog for a walk, couldn't go far as it was too cold for her, but it did the distraction trick.

    I've had 3 phone calls since then the last one asking if I can bring some fruit up now, which I can't i'm on my own with the girls, and out at a conference tomorrow, she wasn't happy about waiting until Sunday.

    I feel so guilty, such a bad daugher, but I know I can't do it anymore, I know that I was going under with the pressure, I know that she is safer here and I simply couldn't keep her safe.

    I just want her to settle and be happy- but then I know that is crazy pip dreaming as she was so unhappy before and it was all my fault for not beign there all the time.

    Wish I could catch a break, but dementia just doesn't play fair:(
     
  2. cat64

    cat64 Registered User

    Sep 1, 2014
    45
    so sorry you are having such a hard time....I sympathize big time.

    My mum went into a care home last saturday and I visited yesterday for the first time.

    My sister and I feel absolutely awful this week, almost shellshocked but we have to keep telling ourselves we have done the right thing and so have you.

    Dementia is an awful evil disease...my mum seems very confused and keeps saying things like where are my keys I cant leave without them and looks out the window and says oh that road is near to the house isnt it! ... but she is safe, eating a little, washing and talks to the carers so is getting more stimulation than we could ever manage.

    Does your mum have a mobile then that she can ring you?.
    ...dont know whether its nasty to say that luckily my mum doesnt have one!! she used to but rang my dad who she is divorced from so many times he was seriously distressed so when it ran out of credit we managed to hide it from her!!

    Im sending you a mega hug and do pm me if you wish to chat more.
     
  3. doodle1

    doodle1 Registered User

    May 11, 2012
    240
    Hugs hon others have posted that it takes time. And you need that time
     
  4. Livveywills

    Livveywills Registered User

    Jul 11, 2015
    57
    Yes she has an age concern mobile that just has pictures on it so she can just press one and it calls her. It's a great phone, but there are times that I wish it had died!

    Ended up scooping up the kids in their dressing gowns and driving over with a bowl of fruit, figured if you really fancy grapes and I'm telling you you've got to wait 2 days it isn't going to help. She was pleased to see the children and we managed to get Emmerdale on the TV in her room before I left, have now made the care staff aware that mum can't work the tv but love Emmerdale so that might get sorted for her!

    I guess you are right and time is what it is going to take to get used to a new thing, itis such a huge thing to take someones home away and pretty much deprive them of liberty, I've put this decision off for so long because I didn't want to be the one to have to make it.

    Have to keep hanging onto the fact that it is the right decision, that mum can't make those decisions any more.

    But oh it's hard, and I do feel selfish, and like crying in a little heap
     
  5. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Oh sweetheart,

    Of course it is the right decision and you have amazing courage and also love for your Mum. She is safe and well cared for so let your mind be easy.

    Loads of support,

    Aisling
     

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