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Happy memories? Why don't I have any...

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by sophiem121, Nov 30, 2015.

  1. sophiem121

    sophiem121 Registered User

    Nov 19, 2015
    2
    Recently after the death of my granny I have been struggling with dealing with it. Many people try and help me by telling me to remember the happy times I had with her but she was diagnosed 20 years ago shortly before I was born. When I was young I took the time for granted and as I grew older her condition deteriorated. All I can remember are the unhappy memories that I never want to remember but are burned into my mind. I'm away from my family and my friends don't understand as they have never had a dementia death and don't know how its different to a normal death. Any advice on how to deal with her death without having the memories most people have?
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,226
    Merseyside
    Hi Sophie

    I'm so sorry you're struggling.
    Are you away at uni? If so it may be a good idea to gave a chat with student support about someone to talk to.

    Try to remember granny is at peace now & not suffering.
     
  3. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,041
    Hi Sophie

    Sorry to read you are struggling in your grief. It must have been hard for you growing up and not knowing your granny before she became unwell., I bet though she had happy times with you, her granddaughter watching you grow, despite her illness. Of course the difficult times are very difficult and it is hard to erase them from your mind and uncover more positive memories. I wonder if you know much about your Granny's life before she became ill, and wonder if finding things out about her might help you in your grieving, times before she was afflicted.

    Experiencing your granny's death is 'normal' for you because it is your experience. Everyone's grief is unique for each person they lose because we are each unique as are our relationships - your granny will have treasured you I'm sure.

    Do try as Cat suggests to get some support where you can talk through how you are feeling.

    Best wishes
    Sue:)
     
  4. GuiltandSadness

    GuiltandSadness Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    14
    Hi Sophie

    My grandma passed last Friday. I had some time as a young child with her, but in my opinion not enough. I was a carer for a short time.

    If you can isolate 1 memory, find one photo it may give you peace. I remember feeding the swans.

    I have 3 pics (she was a photographer) and a painting we collaborated on (she was also an artist) I hold dear. Moments in life.

    My journey to acceptance is new, if I can help at all lmk. These forums are a wealth of knowledge. Read and post.

    Good luck to u. xo
     
  5. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    I'm so sorry you feel sad, but I found photographs very cathartic. If you don't have any of her, when she was young, do you have any knowledge of where your Granny was born, and grew up? It might help if you could Google the area, for photographs of the time when she was born, and create your own memories that way.

    One of my hobbies is Genealogy, so if I can help in any way, please PM me. And you need never feel lonely on here - everyone understands xxxxx
     

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