Michael E

Registered User
Apr 14, 2005
Ronda Spain
Just want some quick guidance - opinion-

Monique is hallucinating badly during the night and morning - sometimes her mother with her but frequently a group of friends who are 'good company' - at night I normally just say 'your dreaming - come back to bed' and that seems to work - cos its dark.

In the morning - daylight - in the living room when she asks me where they have gone I am divided between the 'dreaming' answer and 'they went home' They'll be back later' - my problem with the latter two is if she realises what I am saying is nonsense then her trust will be diminished..... Or is it if she asks the question - where are they? she so believes their existence that a fobbing off answer is perfectly acceptable? ---- funny as I write this I think I know the answer is - 'They have gone home, will be back later' - I think!


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Michael

yes, I think you have answered your own question... they will be back later [which in fact is probably true is Monique sees them regularly].

Funny how putting things in writing can often resolve things. The number of times I have not posted something here because I have realised I have answered the question I was asking!


Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
West Sussex
Hello Michael,

Yes, agreeing with her and going along with her reality is the only way I have found that works with my Mum.

If you think about it, if someone were to tell you that something you were experiencing was not real, that would be at best irritating and at worst very scary, so do whatever it takes to keep your Mum happy.

Come to think of it that's what we did before they had AD!



Registered User
Sep 16, 2005

I think the "they've gone, they'll be back response" is a good one (funny how just writing about these things can clarify them for us, isn't it?), they have gone for her and will be back no doubt, so i think you're right, this answer will do. Dad regularly appears to see things and shoos them away sometimes I just let him shoo and shoo but sometimes he gets so upset by them I have to do something so I always tell him the truth.
I say "Dad, I know you can see these things, but I can't so I'm guessing that they really can't do you any harm. Can I do anything to get rid of them for you, what if i stand here?" And i stand where he is looking at the time. This often seems to work. Its like he comes back to my world. I'm glad for your wife that her visions are nice ones so far, sometime I think my Dad must see the grim reaper or something because he gets terrified by what he can see, and other times they must be nasty things because he gets really angry at them! He does seem to get comfort from me saying I won't let them do anything to him though. I feel pretty useless when he sees these things because to him they are obviously very real, but at least so far what I say seems to help him. <shrug> :confused:
I agree with you that it is important not to lose your loved ones trust, thats why I acknowledge that he can see them, but I tell him the truth that I can't, but I don't try to tell him that they are not real, because for him they are. I think so long as you don't outright lie, i.e. pretend you can see them, you can manage to walk that line. I'm not saying that you need to tell her you can't see them (I only tell Dad this because for him it seems to calm him down, he's weird in that he seems to be able to bring his old logic into play, so long as he can rely on me as a base for what is real in this world). Good luck!


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Hi Michael, how about, sorry I'm not sure, I didn't actually see them leave. That way it's the truth for you and a believable answer for her. Used to work on my Mum as I hated to lie to her if I could help it like you. Love She. XX


Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
Peg talks to someone in the empty armchair I ignore it and it stops.
Tonight she asked the one in the chair"where has Norman gone,it's not that I don't trust him I just wondered"
On this occasion I did ask "if that is Norman who am I",she said there are two Normans.
I said to her you had a little lapse of memory there didn't you? to which she replied
Yes but it doesn't happen very often.
Funny old world


Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
Hi everybody

I am new and just about feeling my way through. I am glad to have found an online support group after some search. Here is the background info which I posted into another thread but am repeating for convenience

I live in Germany but am from Asia and due to my mum's Dementia, I brought my mum to live with me here in Germany to be able to take care of her. My mum's a widow, 79 and I am her only child. Although I would still say she is in between stage 1 and stage 2, there have been periods when she has been aggressive and just two weeks back, broke upon the front glass door with a tiny wooden sculpture. On gentle questioning, it transpired that she had been getting commands (auditory hallucinations) directing her to do awful things including throwing all the food in the bin, which is when we reverted to Haloperidol. With 20 drops per day (still low dosage), she was continuously dazed and had lost her appetite and refused to drink enough. I have now reduced the dosage to 10 drops and so far, she seems to be manageable.

Mum can pester me with her hallucinations. I usually play along as that's the easiest to do but there are times when she says things like I have to serve meals to all the guests seated at the table and tends to get agitated about the fact that I am not doing it or in the middle of the night, I have to open the door to let someone in for he/she is stranded and needs a play to stay. On occasions, esp. when she was quite frightened, I asked her to take me to the 'object' she was seeing which usually was a coat hanging on a hanger, or a flask/vase at the window. On getting closer to the object, she would then laugh but I have been wondering if one can really remedy distorted perceptions which cause such behavioural issues, especially in the evenings (that we know as sundown syndrome).

I wonder how caregivers manage this aspect of Dementia at nursing /residential homes. Would appreciate some ideas.

Sue Stimpfig


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Hi Sue, well if she saw the funny side of thinking a coat on a hanger was a person, then in my book, you did well. Don't think there are any completely brilliant, always will work ideas, you just do the best you can at the time. This is what you sound like your doing, well done, this is the hardest, most difficult illness I have ever had to deal with and I have seen a few in my time! What works one day may go down like a lead balloon the next. You just keep plodding. Nice to have you on board by the way, keep posting. Love She. XX