hallo everyone

[Helenbak]

My Mum is a vascular dementia sufferer. She was diagnosed a few years ago with the onset after suffering TIA's but last February she had a bigger stroke and, long story short, I have had to move her and my Dad over 250 miles to where I live. Mum is now in nursing care following a rapid physical and mental decline but she still knows me. Since last year when it became apparent that she would have to go into care, my ten year relationship ended, my career of over 11 years ended October and I went self employed and I have been trying to keep an eye on my 80 year old Dad but things are getting harder. He fell and broke his leg several weeks ago and although the operation he had was a success, he has displayed some confusion. I have recently been told that he may also have this horrible illness but am awaiting confirmation following assessment. I am trying to look after myself but finding it hard to visit both of them so I try see my Mum at least four times a week and my Dad five days. Trouble I am having is I feel bad if I don't go. I have power of attorney for Dad so even in hospital I have to deal with his finances and I have court of protection for Mum - as an only child there was little option if I wanted to protect what they had worked for. I am just looking for some much needed support online as I find all I ever talk about to my new partner are issues to do with my parents. So hi to all on the forum at the moment and I do hope to forge some friendships.

 

[creativesarah]

welcome

you will find lots of support here and you can let off steam, have a good rant to those who understand and will gladly listen and add advice if you ask for it

sarah

 

[Helenbak]

welcome

you will find lots of support here and you can let off steam, have a good rant to those who understand and will gladly listen and add advice if you ask for it

sarah

Thanks Sarah, I have just realised I should maybe have posted on the welcome page - I think I need to stop beating myself up but I cant seem to function very well these days!!!!

 

[Izzy]

Hi and welcome to TP from me too.

It sounds as if you really have your hands full. I'm glad you found TP as you will always find someone to listen here. You'll also get lots of help and advice when you need it.

It's fine to have started your own thread rather than posting in the welcome thread! Keep posting (goodness, I sound like Bruce Forsyth on Strictly!).

 

[jaymor]

Hi and welcome.

Nothing is easy when caring for someone with dementia and trying to keep everything going all the time is sometimes impossible. No one can do everything and remember most of us are thrown in at the deep end with no training, we just manage.

Keep coming here, use the forum to get information, support, advice and friendship, we can all help each other.

Look forward to hearing more from you,


Take care

Jay


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Helenbak]

Hi and welcome to TP from me too.

It sounds as if you really have your hands full. I'm glad you found TP as you will always find someone to listen here. You'll also get lots of help and advice when you need it.

It's fine to have started your own thread rather than posting in the welcome thread! Keep posting (goodness, I sound like Bruce Forsyth on Strictly!).

Thankyou Izzy.

I have looked through some of the many conversation threads on this site and it seems everyone has the feelings of guilt and that they find they struggle with getting the correct support for their loved ones at times. I would like to hear from anybody who has come through these hard times - perhaps people who have lost both parents to this type of illness and who have had their own lives turned upside down.
At the moment I think I am quite depressed. I find it difficult when the slightest thing goes wrong as with last night when someone tore off the wing mirror on my car and didn't stop to see if I was ok and to exchange details. I have been really down since last night, its as if everything I know, treasure or have worked for is going and I cant see any positive days ahead. When I try to think of a better future all I can see is a few years ahead watching my parents suffer, coping with their eventual death and everything that goes with it before perhaps having a bit of happiness and peace - and then succumbing to the illness myself. I have been fighting for a long time now and think it is all taking its toll. I don't have a very high opinion of myself and right now think I am a selfish whining individual who should be grateful she had good parents in the first place!!!!

 

[chris53]

Hello Helen and a warm welcome from me also, thank you for introducing yourself and doing your first post.....sometimes not so easy... I have myself my own mum and now mum in law in the grips of dementia, a shock for my husband and myself, double whammy.....I am also an only child and hubby is now (since his sister died) all of us here really have our lives turned upside down, not only our lives but our thoughts and way of living, sometimes you just cannot be "you" and it can be so sad watching our parents not being themselves, and you try to get to know this different person and at times you really want to give up, so please keep on posting here so much support is here for you from us who are people that care and are now carers.
Take care Helen, best wishes and a hug if you need it
Chris x

 

[Helenbak]

Hello Helen and a warm welcome from me also, thank you for introducing yourself and doing your first post.....sometimes not so easy... I have myself my own mum and now mum in law in the grips of dementia, a shock for my husband and myself, double whammy.....I am also an only child and hubby is now (since his sister died) all of us here really have our lives turned upside down, not only our lives but our thoughts and way of living, sometimes you just cannot be "you" and it can be so sad watching our parents not being themselves, and you try to get to know this different person and at times you really want to give up, so please keep on posting here so much support is here for you from us who are people that care and are now carers.
Take care Helen, best wishes and a hug if you need it
Chris x

Hallo Chris

What a lovely reply to my post. Thankyou. Your kind words really meant a lot and you seem to be experiencing similar feelings and reactions to my own.
I am struggling, I do have a supportive partner but then I feel I put too much on him even though we have been friends for over 17 years and only together for several months. But his father had alzheimers so he is very familiar with the illness.
Then I feel guilty about the effect all my worries must have on him. In addition to the usual guilt feelings a lot of people on TP seem to have.
I will really benefit from support on here I think. Has taken me ages to actually start talking about it to others but high time I did get involved in a forum.
And the hug was well appreciated

Thankyou and look forward to further interactions with yourself and others .

x

 

[daddysgurl]

Hallo Chris

What a lovely reply to my post. Thankyou. Your kind words really meant a lot and you seem to be experiencing similar feelings and reactions to my own.
I am struggling, I do have a supportive partner but then I feel I put too much on him even though we have been friends for over 17 years and only together for several months. But his father had alzheimers so he is very familiar with the illness.
Then I feel guilty about the effect all my worries must have on him. In addition to the usual guilt feelings a lot of people on TP seem to have.
I will really benefit from support on here I think. Has taken me ages to actually start talking about it to others but high time I did get involved in a forum.
And the hug was well appreciated

Thankyou and look forward to further interactions with yourself and others .

x

.....and a hug from me x