Had enough today.

[DollyBird16]

Morning...

I managed a couple of days to visit Mum in the week but have once again fallen foul of d&v Can't help but think my body is trying to reset to default after using so much effort to contain the overload from running at critical, & it's venting pressure from every safety valve at once

I am even more convinced that Mum had another TIA ( mini stroke ) about eight weeks ago, as she too has become immobile & needs this huge contraption just to stand her up. Consequence of being in a wheelchair is her developing sores so ended up being bedridden, thereby keeping her off her touche to allow it to heal. The benefit of the chair is being able to wander between the various lounges for different views of the outside world & also out into the garden.

Mum has far less stress around her care - whether she acknowledges that or not - than there would have been if I had insisted she come home. There are all sorts of gadgets & gizmos available to them that just wouldn't fit in a domestic setting, designed to help make Life comfortable for my mum...why would I not want that for her. If we were still in her home the whole mother & daughter relationship would have been gone forever, to be replaced by feelings of resentment & confinement, just waiting for the inevitable for either of us.

I well recall a nurse from the Dementia Team in the hospital asking me if I wanted to remember Mum as my mother & smile, or as my mill stone & resent every dirty bedsheet. Made me think ... long ... & hard...

Hi how you doing, hopefully you are feeling a little better. X

 

[DollyBird16]

@Lavender45 I’d be cross about the carers too. SW needs to know talk about their budgets and they are not getting value if that’s what the staff are doing.
Sorry again hope i’m Not winding you up too.
Good luck tomorrow.
@Marnie63 bliss a stroll round m&s and free drink, my ideal day. Lovely to read you got a break for a while. Did you make any purchases at m&s?
Hope Mum has a restful night give her a gentle hug to let her know I think of her and ask her for one back it’s from me. X

 

[Marnie63]

@DollyBird16 - only some socks and towels! Bless you, I will give mum a big hug all round, and a warm hug back to your mum too. I hope things are on an even keel?

I actually find it much harder to give mum a hug now! Hugging someone in a hospital bed is very hard - too small, and when she's in the wheelchair, it's not comfortable. Still, have to make the best of it, at least she still hugs me back occasionally!

 

[Pollytickle]

Have you thought of talking to an independent body - perhaps the Health Care Trust in the next county or something - about your concerns surrounding the CH Lavender, or the Ombudsman & CQC? Ask them if they could do surprise visits & check medication records; if they can do it for prisons, surely they can make more of an effort for our vunerable. It's a pity you didn't take photos of the 'meal break' & threaten to go to the papers with them! ... I wonder if someone like Pan0rama or W@tchdog might be interested ... From my perspective we have been incredibly lucky so far with the staff where Mum is, but it won't stop me from being vigilant at every opportunity I can get. Remind me: do you have PoA to cover Health & Wellbeing?

Hello to Everyone ... Hope you're all avoiding the snuffles & wheezes that come out to play at this time of year! Then again, here in the South, I've had the balcony door open from about 10 in the morning till gone 4 of an afternoon the past few days; crazy huh ..but I'm not complaining

 

[Lavender45]

Hello everyone thank you all for being so supportive.

The meeting was long, around 2 and a half hours. Essentially mum had to remain where she is until she deteriorates enough not to need emi nursing at which point she can be moved. Well see on that point!

As always I went with my bullet pointed list. The social worker read it and apologised. She said she'd placed people in PC before without issue. Tough I have plenty! Enough for a whole army in fact!

The home nicely played into my hands. There was a Halloween party in one of the downstairs units and mum had refused to go, but with a little cajoling I got her to go to the party and we used her room for the meeting. Mum's bathroom door was partly open and there was a soiled pull up in a washing up bowl on the floor. Not good.

It turns out the home have been over medicating mum. She is meant to have 2mg of diazepam at 2pm with a further 2mg available as a prn. They have been giving her the second dose at bedtime for at least a month for no reason. This will go as a safeguarding issue. Some of my other points may well go as safeguarding too. The home have once again promised to do better. We will see.

 

[Marnie63]

I've heard 'safeguarding' mentioned recently by mum's current SW too, but wonder what it actually means. In our case, the SW said she was going to raise as a safeguarding issue re. the fact that mum developed a pressure sore on her bottom and heels while she was in hospital for 4 weeks. Maybe she has done this, but I have no idea what happens after that - does the hospital get a 'ticking off'? Is it more formal/serious than that? There must be loads of instances like this - with the current state of hospitals and the NHS (I speak from evidence I've seen) - do they really care, does anyone have the time to follow this up/do anything about it? It's all quite worrying if I stop to think about it for too long. OK, so mum got bedsores, but how many people actually die after admission and things not being done properly? Hmm.

@Lavender45 - the overmedication is really bad. Really bad. A mistake with medication? Very serious. Jeez, what are these places up to? I hope things get better for you and your mum at that home, I really do. I would be spending my life there, which is why it's a step I don't yet wish to take with my own mum.

I now understand why mum's current care package has only been agreed up to December - it's because the total weekly amount is rather more than the amount I think they will put towards her care in a home! If I want to keep her at home for longer, which I do (depending on how this goes of course), then I will have to think about a different care package, otherwise they will probably keep urging me to move her to the nursing home I viewed. I've told them I want to give it another couple of months, up to Christmas, to give mum a chance to make any further mobility improvements, if there are to be any, and they seem happy with that and I think it's why they have funded up to December only. I am now standing her up from bed every day and yesterday she did quite well. It varies, depending on how tired she is. Physios are coming today from the NHS team so I hope she can show them a good stand! I know it's a long way from her walking but while she makes even the tiniest bit of progress after the stroke, I refuse to give up on her.

Had a real fright this morning - I picked up two canvas shopping bags from a corner of the hallway on the way out and threw them onto the passenger seat of the car - out scuttled one of those rather large house spiders and disappeared down by the handbrake. No way was I going to drive that car. I quickly looked under the passenger seat and said spider very kindly crawled into the back footwell and then across to the other side of the car, giving me time to open that door and scoop it out of the car with the very handy card I'd written my shopping list on. Imagine driving along and that thing appearing on your head!

 

[Lavender45]

Marnie eeekkkk about the spider. I'm not good with things which have more than 4 legs!

I've started a thread about safeguarding as I've googled and not found out much. I want there to be serious implications for the home as incorrect provision of medication could have had serious implications for mum. I don't want this to be a naughty, naughty don't do that again tap in the wrist for them.

 

[Amy in the US]

I generally have a hands off policy regarding spiders, based on the following: they eat things I like less than spiders, they mostly stay out of my way, my cats keep their numbers down. However, no spiders are tolerated in my bathtub, anywhere near my bed, and I never thought about in my car, but am adding that to the list! Eurgh!!!!

 

[rosy18]

Oh Marnie I hate spiders I'd have been going frantic xx

Lavender What a Mess!!
Wrong meds is unforgivable I hope you get some insight on your thread You've certainly had your work cut out with this home. Neither you or your Mum should be having to deal with all this extra pressure.
Sending you warm ((hugs)) xx

I've just been through all the toilet issues again, same scenario not having a bowel movement for 5 days had to give suppository Mum had lots of pain as no longer knows how to have a bowl movement so just had to wait for it to happen on Sunday then having to keep going to toilet with Mum as she's now gone the other way but being faecelly incontinent there's been a lot of pad changing. It's either feast or famine with Mums bowels and she really does hate going to the toilet now. Poor Mum.

Hope everyone else is feeling as well as can be xx

 

[Aud56]

@Carmar & @Marnie63 I am blown away by the depths of your love for your PWD & your total selflessness in your continuing struggles. You are very special people in my opinion

And I agree ++ with Moggymad's opinion girls - you are both more incredible than you realise!

 

[jorgieporgie]

Afternoon Ladies,
Oh Marnie the spider could have crawled out whilst you were driving imagine if that had happened. I once had a wasp in mine whilst dropping my ex off at the airport, I pulled into the bus lane and stopped get it out and got clocked by the traffic patrol police and received a £60 fine for stopping in the lane.
Rosy came up to Blackpool on Saturday it was force gale winds but we enjoyed it. One of my grandchildren wanted to go on the big dipper but that as closed for the winds and also the top of the Tower as closed also. I am glad I didn't arrange to meet up as the time went so fast to fit everything in, but will certainly meet up next time when I come without the grandchildren.
Lavender hope your ear is improving x
Thinking of you all and hope its a peaceful week for you all. xx

 

[Lavender45]

Glad you enjoyed Blackpool Jorgie. My ear is very much better thank you, I can hear in stereo again. x

 

[Marnie63]

Well, I've been feeling a tiny bit better about things lately. I guess tiny is better than nothing. I'm getting more used to the routine now of having carers here three times a day. Don't like it, but am getting used to it! Last night, I think for the first time ever in my life, I feel asleep on the sofa in the evening and woke up at 1 am! This of course was very useful as I could then see to mum and go up to bed having settled her again. I think it also helped that I was outdoors again yesterday - went for a little walk in the fog in the morning and then planted some tulip bulbs (they'd been sitting in a box in the house for months, begging to be planted). Fresh air is great to lift the mood a bit and I will try to get out more often, even for short periods, to get some fresh air in my lungs.

Mum's NHS physio support from the reablement team has come to an end, but luckily they have agreed to refer for some further support at home, though this will take weeks to get, apparently. The lady I am paying to come and see mum once a week seems to me to be much more switched on somehow, of course she is here for a fixed period, and I guess the other lot are rushing around like headless chickens, trying to spread themselves around many people. But, both groups seemed to agree that mum is getting stronger, so this gives me hope for some further improvement. Have to take it slowly and carefully though.

Hope all you lovely people are OK.

 

[Lavender45]

A tiny bit better is a great achievement Marnie. You are right a bit of fresh air works wonders.

Hopefully with the support of the private physio and yourself your mum will continue to improve in strength over the coming weeks. With luck you will find a way to snatch small amounts of time to be outside as it's obviously done you the world of good. X

 

[Marnie63]

How are things with you and your mum @Lavender45 ?

 

[jorgieporgie]

Morning Ladies,
Marnie you sound a lot more happy now your getting used to the invasion in your home. I was like that at first, but soon came to realise it dose make life a little easier. Enjoy getting out more to blow the cob webs off a bit of fresh air certainly makes you feel like you can breath again.
Lavender hope all is well with you x
Worrier how are you getting on?
Hope you all have a nice peaceful Sunday big hugs everyone xxx

 

[jorgieporgie]

Good Morning Ladies, Hope everyone is ok, big supportive hug to you all xx

 

[Lavender45]

Morning everyone.

PC just gets better and better.

I went in on Tuesday to see mum. Not long after I arrived mum needed to go to the toilet. As she is not mobile a standing aid is used to transfer her requiring 2 staff, the one to one plus one other. Mum was duly toiletted and returned to her chair, but almost immediately needed to go again, this time mum had to wait almost 40 minutes to go to the toilet as they were short handed due to staff training and no one could be spared to assist the one to one. Needless to say I wasn't happy.

Move forward to yesterday, my cousin and his wife went in and found 2 tablets on the floor in mum's room. They were not happy, neither was I. I reported them to safeguarding over both the toilet and the tablets.

Yesterday afternoon I received a call from mum's community psych nurse and he told me that mum was still being given the nighttime dose of diazepam despite the home already admitting it had been given in error (it should actually just be a prn) and it being reported by the social worker as a safeguarding incident.

I went in yesterday evening and demanded to know what was going on. On 5 of the last 9 days they have incorrectly given the nighttime diazepam, so it's not even a consistent error. I've reported that to safeguarding too.

I have a meeting at 11.30 with the management of the home. This isn't good enough.

 

[Lavender45]

Yes Mia I'm angry even more so now. The meeting was a total whitewash, best of all the social worker tells me I'm looking for problems. I'm furious and I've complained to her manager. That was hours ago and I'm still angry. It's just arrrhhhh and some very unprintable words. X

 

[DollyBird16]

@Lavender45
I really have no intention of making you more cross. But how blooming dare that SW say that. Too right report her. look for problems these were in your face. I’m so cross - idiots bet they don’t actually have loved ones in this position.
So in my opinion you are spot in with your action and right to do what you’ve done on every occasion.
Ok let’s take a deep breath together.
Time for a cuppa or something better. xx