Had enough today.

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Grannie G

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Apr 3, 2006
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It`s really difficult to get the doses right, to calm rather than drug.

I do say to those against medication, the torment is suffered by the person with dementia just as much as the carer.

I hope you manage to find a happy medium. Perhaps try half the dose, with the permission of the doctor.
 

jorgieporgie

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Mar 2, 2016
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Thanks Granny G,
Mum is only on small dosage of half a 1mg twice a day. Just thought I might eliminate the day time dosage and just give her the night one. Will get advise today from GP. XX
 

jorgieporgie

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Mar 2, 2016
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Hi Molly and Jorgieporgie
Well dad didn't know where he was this morning. He thought he was in a hotel. We went out for a walk and the carer came which is not normal for a Weekend but I needed the break. Get back and they carer put in the book 'bill very stroppy'
I am thinking of calling the GP in the morning as he had been sulky and rude the last week so maybe just a quick check for an infection.
Hope you are both ok. Shame we can't put them all in the same house and we could all get out for a wine. By the way I hardly have a glass maybe 2 a week max. Just need more ha ha

Morning Worrier,
Just seeing how you are, hope everything is ok.xx
 

MollyD

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Mar 27, 2016
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Hi jorgie.

I read your post and am pleased to hear your mum is getting sleep and rest from her demons and consequently you too.

It's a thin line, isn't it? This medication conundrum, enabling someone peace from unendurable terror vs doping and dulling their personality.

With mum, it was an easy choice, she was in torment and a danger to herself. Sounds like your mum was in dire straits and needed chemical help too.

I notice with mum that the doped effect recedes once she's adapted to a dosage. But I do struggle with the same fears as yourself. I voiced them to my GP and he quite baldly replied "stop giving them to her and see what happens", meaning the delirium is likely to return.

Mum was pretty unsettled at times while I was away. But she's unsettled at times when I'm home too, soooo...

The carer told me that mum smacked her this morning at 5 am when she was calling for me and her carer was explaining I'd be back at 7 am. "Don't give me that bull!" she screamed and smacked her arm hard. Nothing major, but we agree it needs noting. Mum doesn't usually lash out physically (apart from the really crazed period).

How are things for you today?
 

jorgieporgie

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Mar 2, 2016
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Hi jorgie.

I read your post and am pleased to hear your mum is getting sleep and rest from her demons and consequently you too.

It's a thin line, isn't it? This medication conundrum, enabling someone peace from unendurable terror vs doping and dulling their personality.

With mum, it was an easy choice, she was in torment and a danger to herself. Sounds like your mum was in dire straits and needed chemical help too.

I notice with mum that the doped effect recedes once she's adapted to a dosage. But I do struggle with the same fears as yourself. I voiced them to my GP and he quite baldly replied "stop giving them to her and see what happens", meaning the delirium is likely to return.

Mum was pretty unsettled at times while I was away. But she's unsettled at times when I'm home too, soooo...

The carer told me that mum smacked her this morning at 5 am when she was calling for me and her carer was explaining I'd be back at 7 am. "Don't give me that bull!" she screamed and smacked her arm hard. Nothing major, but we agree it needs noting. Mum doesn't usually lash out physically (apart from the really crazed period).

How are things for you today?

Hi Molly,
Hope you had a good break. Well fron Saturday onwards Mum been lovely, quiet and sleepy but no demons. I think she is used to the meds already started going down hill again not as bad as she was but getting upset again. Was only going to give her meds on an evening but decided not too especially now.
Got SS coming on Friday to assess her now they think she is stable and see about going into a day centre a couple of times a week. We will see!
My day out tomorrow with SIL which I look forward to then Saturday got my Cousin, SIL and friend coming for a Chinese and a little tipple, hope Mum is quiet that night can not do with Mum, Dementia, and headache. Have read your post too. xxx
 

MollyD

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Mar 27, 2016
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Hope you enjoy tomorrow and roll on Friday and the assessment. You need both badly.

And a tipple. Cheers. :D
 

jorgieporgie

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Mar 2, 2016
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YORKSHIRE
Well Molly doesn't everything change in a flash. Mum started again today, daughter let me down for tomorrow so won't be going out on my Thursday outing really peed off
and to sum it all up got a Jury Service Summons for end of May, no way I can do that.
At least Saturday's Chinese still on as they are coming to mine. Sometimes you just wonder what you have done wrong in life to get all this ***t. Moan over.
 

MollyD

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Mar 27, 2016
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That doesn't qualify as a moan, jorgie. You've every reason to feel pee'd off. God, it's a rough ride for you. *My* heart dropped when I read your post so I can only imagine how disappointed you are.

Hopefully, Friday's assessment will soon bring you regular breaks you absolutely need. I learnt with a sinking heart that you can't rely on the discretion of someone's good intentions and promises. You need watertight breaks. Period.

Sending you a big hug, for what it's worth. Small comfort, I know.
 

jorgieporgie

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Mar 2, 2016
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YORKSHIRE
Thanks Molly. How did you get carers for your Mum was it with SS. I am thinking of asking for a carer at least one day a week, the sitter didn't work out, it wasn't worth the upset for just two hours and the aftermath. But if I can get someone all day Mum would have to get used to it. I really look forward to Thursdays, my SIL said lets take Mum out with us but that's not a break for me, I know that sounds selfish on my part but you know what I mean. Lets see what SS say on Friday.x
 

MollyD

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Mar 27, 2016
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Fought long and hard to get mum's care package increased from 7.5 hrs to 10.5 hrs a week. Laughable considering this is based on mum's needs. At least it means an hour in the morning and 30 mins per eve 7 days a week. I'm in Ireland so it might be different for you. We privately fund any other care (non agency carers). I wouldn't cope now otherwise, don't know how I did it before. If I backed off, the HSE might give more hours to mum. The whole thing is quite sick and counter-intuitive. Family have to abandon the caree to get state help here. Talk about "working together with families"... The notion sucks. Quelle surprise! Hopefully, the NHS is more person centred.
 

jorgieporgie

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Mar 2, 2016
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God that's not much help Molly. My Mum is still mobile and not incontinent at the moment. What I really need help with is someone to take her out for a day or just have her so I can have one day at least to go out. I am starting to get cabin fever, good job weather is nice can can at least sit in the garden (when allowed). I am hoping that they may give let me employ m own carer and maybe I could get back into the working environment just a couple of days. I don't know how it works for you in Ireland but we can still get carers allowance and earn £100 per week. If I could do that it would be a great help financially. Mum still in bed slept all night so I am having a quiet breakfast on my own, won't be long before the fireworks start though. Hope you and Mum have a peaceful day. xx
 

MollyD

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Mar 27, 2016
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Ireland
Morning dear jorgie :),

I hope you enjoyed a relaxing breakfast!

Yeah, it'd be really great if you got that. If you have it left in you, fight for it -- have a good ol' meltdown in the presence of SSs. Let them see what *you* are enduring as well as your mum. Easy said, I know, I know.

Hope you get that spell in the garden too. Mum had a good night's sleep so is quite awake this morning. Even if asleep she senses when you leave the room and starts calling. It means it's not even worth trying to sit out. I'd be like a cat on a hot tin roof waiting for the kango hammer holler :D.

But I *do* have two days away, to keep me sane. I mean that. At the end of a bad day I'm teetering along the line of sanity/insanity. I wouldn't have lasted much longer without it (I wish it was 3 days!). Likewise, I don't know how you're sustaining your input. You've a great deal of stamina, jorgie. Nevertheless, you're human and you need time out. I'll keep saying it and hopefully the UK SS will telepathically hear my voice like a kango hammer holler :).

We can get carer's allowance here and work up to 16 hrs a week too. I did that for some years when caring for mum and dad. But their needs were very light then. When I was made redundant it almost coincided with dad's death and mum's needs increased. She was of sound mind, however, so we had a great relationship. Somewhat of a team in many ways.

I'm thinking I'd like to work one day a week now but it'd need to fit into the intricate house of cards I live in. Watch this space.

♡ Let the sun shine on your face.
 
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jorgieporgie

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Mar 2, 2016
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Not been a bad day today Molly, how has your been. We have spent most of it in the garden in fact got a bit of a tan. I have been pegging washing out and the quicker I do it the quicker Mum brings it in (ha).
Mum looks a bit rosy too with the sun. My poor cat Mum been trying to put sun cream on her now. It's so funny not that she can get the lid off otherwise it would be a disaster in the making!!
 

MollyD

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Mar 27, 2016
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Jorgie, :)

Delighted you'd a pretty benign and sunny day, washing relays notwithstanding. Also delighted Cat survived the latest onslaught. lol :D

I'm fit to be tied. Tomorrow is another day. Hell, so it is...:(
 

WORRIER123

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Oct 1, 2015
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Hi Molly and Jorgieporgie
Well had a right week of it. Dads been so awful in how he speaks to me. Hatred in his voice. The poor carer has had it too
Yesterday I managed to get to a carers session for 2hours. 12 of us in a room listening to a psychologist followed by the carers centre saying how they can support both us and our families
Out of everyone I was the only one to get a bit upset when describing dad but came out feeling there is help out there
Home to conquer the world and dad so nasty to me
Called doc today say please visit he must have an infection. Said she would then got a call to say too busy get home from work and she's been and needs a sample but he couldn't so spent all evening trying and nothing
He only goes twice a day morning and before bed yet I get him to drink loads
So sitting hoping he will go as I need to drop with GP at 7am
 

jorgieporgie

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Mar 2, 2016
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YORKSHIRE
Glad you enjoyed your course Worrier. Did you get any good advice whilst there? Mum was like that last week but no UTI so maybe it's just dementia progressing. What dose do the GP say about your Dad only passing urine twice a day, I'm sure that can't be good for him he really needs to flush any infection out. Well SS are coming to assess us today and Mum as been not to bad now she is on meds, been sleeping through on a night which is marvellous. Today however a different story got up in mood and the crying and distress as started, just when I need her to be stable to be able to get her a place in day centre.
Hope she settles before lunch time when they get here! Hope you got a sample this morning, needs nipping in the bud if UTI as the weekend round the corner.xx
 

Aisling

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Dec 5, 2015
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Ireland
Glad you enjoyed your course Worrier. Did you get any good advice whilst there? Mum was like that last week but no UTI so maybe it's just dementia progressing. What dose do the GP say about your Dad only passing urine twice a day, I'm sure that can't be good for him he really needs to flush any infection out. Well SS are coming to assess us today and Mum as been not to bad now she is on meds, been sleeping through on a night which is marvellous. Today however a different story got up in mood and the crying and distress as started, just when I need her to be stable to be able to get her a place in day centre.
Hope she settles before lunch time when they get here! Hope you got a sample this morning, needs nipping in the bud if UTI as the weekend round the corner.xx

Hope SS meeting goes well today Jorgie,

Aisling
 

MollyD

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Mar 27, 2016
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Ireland
Oh, thinking of you today, jorgie. All the very best. Let us know how things go. Yeah, be prepared that you're mum might be the epitome of 'normal' and healthy during the assessment. It's not conscious on mum's part when she puts up a good show, it's a form of self-preservation and self-dignity. It's so annoying though because it potentially goes against us when trying to get help.

Spell it out to them; jorgie, in big, big capital letters. Maybe bring in the cat and leave the sun lotion near your mum ;). Hugs ♡.

Worrier, great to hear you feel a bit more supported. Getting upset sometimes reaches thru' the pen pushing if there is any humanity in the meeting. Sounds like you were heard. I do hope it comes good.
 
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