Had a Full emotional melt down yesterday

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Quilty, Jan 12, 2016.

  1. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    Long story but here is the highlights. After 3 years of me taking abuse mum end up in hospital then care. She settled and was healthy and happy until she started falling a lot over the New Year. She hurt her back and we ended up in A&E. No breaks but chest infection and confusion and a lot of pain. She is now still very confused, very aggressive with staff and violent on one occasion. Back to her old self!

    When I went to see her last night she was totally confused, wet the bed for first time, and crying and saying she wanted to die. Crying out "take me home with you". I had to leave the room and then lost it. I cried and sobbed all over a carer for about 20 minutes.

    I have it so easy compared to so many of you I actually feel ashamed of myself. This is the hardest thing in the world. The last time this happened to me was when my dad was dying in The Beatson and Glasgow. Im not a crier.

    To all of you out there struggling with this terrible disease I salute you. Lets hope they find a cure for this before its our turn.

    Love to all. I feel better just telling someone. I feel as if I have been wrung out.
    XX
    Quilty
     
  2. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,097
    Male
    Bristol
    Between looking after your mum for 3 years and your dad dying of cancer I can't see where you have had it easy Quilty, just the opposite. We all feel like crying sometimes. OH sometimes asks me to take her home and we are at home. When she was having a fit in the back of an ambulance outside A&E, I ( a scottish bloke) had a wee cry.

    Wish there was something else to help you in your hour of need, but just get it off your chest and hopefully you will find some comfort here.
     
  3. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    It's never easy to see someone you love so distressed and in pain Quilty, and often it's just a build up of anxiety and sadness over a long time that tips us over the edge.
    I hope your mum settles down again once she is feeling better and the back pain is controlled.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  4. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,598
    West Midlands
    Rule 1) Stop thinking others on TP have it worse than you

    Rule 2) remember everyone who is a part of TP has it hard.

    Rule 3) remember someone's easy.... Is another someone's hard

    Huge squishy hug. You've had a tough time. Be kind to yourself as you would be kind to others when you read their posts of sadness xxxxxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  5. carol4444

    carol4444 Registered User

    Feb 5, 2014
    109
    So sorry Quilty. I know just how you feel. As a result of overdoing it, combined with the stress of Mum's hallucinations/moods/lies I am now too poorly to do any caring. One look at my poor Mum crying in pain because of her back and I berate myself for not doing my usual clear up/sort out visits. How can I be so cruel to leave a little old lady like that. Sometimes we have to look after ourselves or our parents won't be able to rely on us at all. January weather hasn't helped, if the sun shone we might feel a little better. Take care of yourself. x
     
  6. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    Hello Nae Sporran. So sorry about your wife.

    Scottish blokes are used to crying everytime Scotland play anyone! Its part of our National psyche now.
    Hope things are going ok for you, and yes, just telling someone who actually understands is very helpful. Thanks xx Quilty
     
  7. RedLou

    RedLou Registered User

    Jul 30, 2014
    1,162
    Anyone who is a carer should have a sign hung in a private space that he or she can read daily:
    "Be kind to yourself."
    Sometimes being kind to yourself means having a good loud sob.
    *hug*
     
  8. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    My darling Dad always said that no-one can expect better than your best. I guess we all do our best everyday. Sometimes it works and other times its just not enough.

    We soldier on!
    Thanks for the kind words
    Quilty
     
  9. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    I am an Irish/Scot so mine would say "Get a grip you big Jessie!" Thanks for the kind thoughts.
    Love Quilty
     
  10. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    Thanks Kassy, its good to know its not just me who has taken up crying. I read your posts and know how how hard things are you you.
     
  11. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,149
    Toronto, Canada
    Sometimes we just need to cry. I'm not much of a crier myself but I've been caught unawares at times and the floodgates burst.

    Oddly enough, we had our oldest cat put down last February and I cried and wailed for a day. I think it was more than just for my beloved old cat, it was a general catharsis.

    Crying can be a wonderful release but I find it hard to do, usually.
     
  12. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,097
    Male
    Bristol
    Thanks Quilty, it was a couple of years ago and she is a lot better now, even on bad days. Glad you have had a good bit of support on the forum. Awra best, Sporran
     
  13. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I used to just cry on my own, until people (professionals) actually started asking me how I was and saying how hard it must be, I wept buckets the first time someone said that. I think I've cried more in the last few years than in my whole life. As they say (in the song) Let It Go. Hugs to you xxxx
     
  14. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Quilty hope the cry has done you good.

    Really hope that your Mum's pain is being controlled now, and that she soon gets through the upset that the infections have caused.
     
  15. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,475
    London
    Quilty it's ok to cry each of us on here have been touched by this awful.disease in different ways and I am sure all of us have cried with despair it's so hard to watch our loved ones suffering so cry as much as you want my love.
    Hope your mum gets help with her pain xxxxx
     
  16. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Quilty you are always so lovely to everyone and this time it is your turn to have some hugs so here ((((((((((((())))))))))))))))) is another big SQEEZE to add to your collection xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  17. Hair Twiddler

    Hair Twiddler Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    885
    Middle England
    Sending you a hug - as lots of others have said (and thought if they haven't actually said) caring is hard, terribly hard sometimes.
    I'm not a crier either but tears do well up when a kind person gives me a few kind words when they can see I'm struggling a bit with mum. Silly me though - instead of smiling and saying "thank you" I mumble something, go red, shake my head and tears well-up - bonkers isn't it?
     
  18. velocity

    velocity Registered User

    Feb 18, 2013
    173
    North Notts
    Hi Quilty Dementia seems to have so many curved balls, we cant always hold our guard xx
     
  19. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    Thanks Fizzie. Its an odd one. I rarely cry myself but ALWAYS cry if someone else is upset. I cant let someone cry alone. Too much empathy!

    We all walk a rough path here. At least we walk it together. Thanks God TP exists. It has saved my sanity.
     
  20. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    I had a full sobbing snot fest. Your right about someone giving kind words. We struggle alone and the you meet someone who actually understands. It knocks you for six. I remember crying the first time I called the Alzheimers helpline, at my wits end. The kind lady on the phone totally understood, probably from bitter experience and pointed me here.
     

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