Hi,I am new to the forum today and my Dad has Alzheimer's,I live 100 miles from my parents,my Dad is 86 and my Mum 82.I am really depressed at the moment having lost my 29 year old daughter in extremely traumatic circumstances last year.I am finding it very painful and difficult to see the changes in my Dad,I am very scared and almost have a phobia about this.I don't want to be selfish,I want to help my Mum and I call her every day and have promised if she needs me I will go there.My Mum is very independent and stubborn and has only just got an appointment to see someone from the Alzheimers society next week.Has anyone else experienced this sheer terror of seeing the onset of worse symptoms every visit? Have you any advice how to cope? I have major surgery coming up on 13th January and my husband lost his Mum in September.I feel as if I am falling apart and today can't get out of bed for feeling sick and crying,which is not like me,but everything is just too much.I feel selfish and ashamed,does anyone recognise this reaction?