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Guilty not visiting mum

Helen red

New member
Jul 21, 2020
5
Worked all weekend feeling really tired but I feel I should be over looking after mum with early alzheimers said on the phone she felt lost in her own house the lock down has really lost her confidence and there are no groups to go to. Feeling really torn.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,420
South coast
Hello @Helen red and welcome to DTP

You cant do everything. You cannot split yourself in two so that you can live her life as well as your own. There will have to be compromises - on both sides. Her needs do not trump your own. The problem is the emotional blackmail from your mum who has no idea about your needs and cannot see any further than her own. Work out what you can do and then ditch the guilt.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
699
definitely ditch the guilt as it will grow if its not cut back and left to run riot. its like getting the priorities right each time
 

Sarah1208

Registered User
Jun 22, 2020
80
definitely ditch the guilt as it will grow if its not cut back and left to run riot. its like getting the priorities right each time
This is such good advice. “Ditch the guilt or it will grow”.....mine grew and took over my life, and taking all the guilt on has not helped mums dementia in the slightest. I love her dearly but I can’t save her from this awful illness.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
699
This is such good advice. “Ditch the guilt or it will grow”.....mine grew and took over my life, and taking all the guilt on has not helped mums dementia in the slightest. I love her dearly but I can’t save her from this awful illness.
i need to say that credit should go to canary post for inspiring my post.
 

Norfolk Cherry

Registered User
Feb 17, 2018
298
I was in the same situation. Looking back, the guilt would come and go, still does (mum's in a home now) but most of the time i feel I did my best with what I had. Canary is right, you have to be firm with yourself and recognise what you have done to keep her going, feel good about that, you haven't walked away.