1. faye77

    faye77 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2009
    11
    bolton
    Hi i have never posted on here before, but have read lot's of post. My mum is 64 and has frontal lobe dementia, she has been ill for 4-5 years now. Over the last several months i have noticed a decline in her condition. My dad is her main carer although i spend alot of time with her. I have a family of my own, etc. This may seem harsh but i feel resentment,anger, frustration and so on, but no one is to blame. This horrible disease is slowly taking my mum away day by day, i'm constantly crying, worrying, can't sleep thinking about what the future holds for my mum and family. I FEEL SO GUILTY that i have thought's of hoping mum would pass away in her sleep, knowing what the future holds for her. PLEASE tell me that i'm not the only one who has these thought's? My heart is truly broken and i don't think it will ever be fixed.
     
  2. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    2,951
    you are not the only one who has these thoughts. They are not comfortable thoughts but many of us have them. My own thoughts have changed from hoping mum's dementia would be over quickly to hoping she will live for a long time yet. I can't say that this will be how I feel in six months, it is all so unpredictable,

    But rest assured, you are not alone.
     
  3. loveahug

    loveahug Registered User

    Nov 28, 2012
    1,071
    Moved to Leicester
    You definitely are not on your own with this one. After my father died, my mother almost lost the will to live, he was her whole world. Four years on and the dementia is adding to her misery, she just wants to be with her husbad so much, her anguish is so painful for us all to bear. Many is the time I have wished her a fast and painless death in her sleep although it would break the heart of every member of our family to lose her, she is so precious and we all love her dearly.

    Don't feel guilty, it's your love for your mum that makes you want to protect her from the ravages of her disease, for death to bring her peace and bring an end to everyone's not knowing.

    Hugs x
     
  4. faye77

    faye77 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2009
    11
    bolton
    Thankyou for your reply x
     
  5. faye77

    faye77 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2009
    11
    bolton
    Thankyou for your reply x
     
  6. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,585
    West Midlands
    Just to reassure you

    What you are feeling is normal.
    Not wrong, not awful

    It's normal

    Tell the guilt monster to go away. you don't need them. There is no room for the guilt monster.

    And allow yourself to think and feel the way you do.
    Trying to be, and make yourself think differently is a dead end road.

    It will get in the way of what you can actually, realistically do, and think.

    Keep posting. We know exactly how you feel.
     
  7. Misprint

    Misprint Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    65
    Hi Faye77. What you are feeling shows that you are a very caring daughter. To see your mum suffer is like torture to you. Please don't beat yourself up for having these thoughts, if we all had a choice I don't think anyone would like to prolong agony although we do not wish to lose our loved ones. Life is so complicated sometimes.
     
  8. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    Faye77.

    You are certainly not alone. The guilt feelings can become very obsessive if allowed to.

    At times, knowing what was in store for Jean, it almost drove me to want to put her out of misery.

    But whose misery, hers or mine? Terrible decision and I decided that it was my misery, not hers and therefore I had no right to take any action and put the guilt on one side.
     
  9. dognecks

    dognecks Registered User

    Feb 11, 2013
    106
    bridport
    dementia is horrid and your feelings are just normal. dealing with a parent with this ,is the one of the hardest thing ive ever come across, its a slow torture , watching your mum slip away and theres nothing u can do. my dad was the main carer, it came to a head with a police call at 1am that my mum had gone to neighbours shouting dad was in bed with school children, mum was in the middle stages of dementia, got to dad and he was crying in the lounge with bruises all over him . so yes i had your feelings to the T. mum went into a home , dad died first after with cancer , mum lived another 6 months being violent in the home . big hugs i hope your dad and u are spared this from paul carer
     

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