1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. MITCH

    MITCH Registered User

    Dec 21, 2006
    12
    Cheshire
    :confused:

    Why is it that I can cope with the practical side of things - social services, emergency runs when they (parents) need help. But for the life of me I cannot seem to cope with the fallout of their emotions and mine.
    I feel like piggy in the middle when I deal with my brother - trying to keep the peace between Mum & Dad when Mum is having a bad day and Dad has lost his patience with her. I seem to be the brunt of his frustration these days - always trying to do the right thing but always failing.

    The feelings that I have are not ones that a loving Daughter should have - boy, does that bring on the guilt !!!

    My Hubby is a real gem - takes everything in his stride and keeps me calm - but sometimes it would be good just to be able to let these feelings out - hence me registering with TP.!!! Brace yourself !

    :p
     
  2. Jool

    Jool Registered User

    Apr 21, 2006
    13
    Kendal, Cumbria
    Welcome to talking point and feel free to air you feelings whenever you wish - don't hold back!

    My parents have been married for 53 years and dad has AD. They niggle on at each other mainly because Mam has to repeat everything 10 times and then he will tell her to stop being bad tempered and it goes on an on. However I know the strain you are under - practical things can be dealt with but dealing with AZ is a step into the unknown. After having my parents stay for a week recently, I ended up with migraine and high blood pressure! All I can say is try and take care of yourself and get as much help as you can from social services, whether is be respite care, or and sitter so they can have a little time apart.

    take care

    Jool
     
  3. abby

    abby Registered User

    Dec 19, 2006
    182
    West Country
    #3 abby, Dec 21, 2006
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2006
    Hi

    I just wanted to say I only joined TP yesturday and the support and advice I have had is overwhelming.........I have been more productive and gained more understanding in the last 24 hours than I have in 6 months..........

    Wonderful wonderful place......I didn't hold back btw.....when I found someone who would not only listen but advise and care....I just went blurbbbbbbbb and it all came out......I have never felt judged only supported.....

    Just wanted to say you are in the right place...that's all......
     
  4. sassycurls

    sassycurls Registered User

    Apr 11, 2006
    3
    cheshire
    I know how you feel!!!!I am having no support off my sister.

    I know how you feel I have the same emotions.I am doing everything for my mother.It is not enough in her eyes.But I am a single parent myself with no support.My sister lives miles away and I guess out of sight out of mind.There is usually one family member that takes the load on!!!! What a load lol.
     
  5. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #5 Margarita, Dec 21, 2006
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2006
    I do not like the over load of emotions, I am feeling since my mother got AZ 4 years ago as I am also a single parent , with 4 children who are all over 18 now & its hard , where your feeling so vulnerable so low anyway with what is happening within your family , you well take things personnel when your father take his stress out on you.

    My mother use to visit me a lot, before dad died and mum was in the early stages, dad loved it when she stayed over , drove me mad , we did not know then that mum was in the early stages of AZ . I am not blaming mum, mum stress my father out so much one day that it gave him another heart attack, because his blood purser was so high and had not taken his medication for it that it killed him.

    Now I do not want to worry you, as your father may have not suffers from heart problems, but I just wanted to share that, just that I use to feel like piggy in the middle also, but I could go home use to swich of when I got home , left dad to live within it .

    I could say Try stop making the peace between them, as your father is going to see it as your taking side, so will feel like taking his frustration / stress out on you, but its hard I know . but if you could control that emotion within you that making it reflect back on to you, I not sure how to say this , see your father frustration anger in that moment , as his own problem issue in not understand how it affect himself or you . anger from anyone is not at you but an unresolved issue from the past , you can’t change control help the way he reacts forward stress , you can only change control , the way you react with your emotion when he is giveing you his stress . I do believe in change the feeling change the thought .

    Someone said above about getting a social worker , so can organise AZ day centre for your mum , giving your father a break away from your mum , is that a possibility that your father would consider for your mother ? or does your mother already go to one ?


    PS Oh, how I wish my father would have got angry with me at least then he would of let it all out and not bottled it all up. He was such a quiet man, opposite to my mother who always let her anger be know
     
  6. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Welcome, Mitch.... from one who feels like world's worst daughter at times.... the world's worst mother/wife... shall I go on? :) .... we're all human ... doing our best under very stressful circumstances.... pure, loving thoughts 100% of the time.... ???? Sorry, can't do that..... and if I pretended I could I wouldn't even like myself....

    OK, I'm 'braced'!!!!

    Keep posting....

    Love, Karen, x
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,678
    Kent
    Hello MITCH, Strangers can deal with practical things, only family become emotionally involved, that`s why coping with emotions is the hardest. No-one is there to give lessons in coping, it`s trial and error, do the best you can and keep your fingers crossed that what you do is right.
    Keep posting on TP. This is the one place where we know we can get support.
     
  8. MITCH

    MITCH Registered User

    Dec 21, 2006
    12
    Cheshire
    Ta..

    Hi,

    Thanks to all for the replies - good to know that I am not alone with this wicked disease.

    I think that I am finding it frustrating that Mum & Dad just won't accept any outside help. We've sorted out Attendance Allowances but they simply won't accept that they need help with Day to Day living.

    Mum used to be so house proud - her clothes were always clean and tidy. Dad doesn't seem to notice the house or her state of dirtiness. When I politely suggest to do something to recitify this it is always answered in the negative - no we all right as we are !!! :confused:

    Meals are a problem too - she has lost so much weight - Fortunately this is being monitored by her Doctor. The last time I went to the memory clinic with them -Doc advised that they should be getting help with meals - after much humming and arring and protesting they agreed to have meals delivered !!!- Success so I thought ! Got them home and Dad announced that they would not be having the meals. I admit that I did lose it then and told Dad that he would have to make contact with the Doc and tell her why he was refusing to do this !

    They wouldn't even accept me going in everyday and preparing something. They are so independant - I honestly think it will be the undoing of them both.

    Yes - Frustration is playing a major role with me in all of this. The only thing that I can do in my own head is to say to myself - that at least we are on Soc Serv and Doctors radar. Funds are in place to kick things in when we need to - but in the meantime it's playing the waiting game. Be there as and when they need us - If I have been put on this earth to learn patience - I am being tested everyday !!!:rolleyes:

    We are at their house on Christmas Day - doing my Fanny Craddock routine - all without any alcohol - wish me luck !:p

    TTFN xx
     

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