Guilty feeling leaving mum in care home

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Kingsbridge, Dec 14, 2019.

  1. Kingsbridge

    Kingsbridge Registered User

    Dec 8, 2019
    28
    I'm finding it very difficult visiting mum in care home I keep thinking I should look after her.she wants to go home this is her third week a review is due don't know what will happen then
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,554
    Merseyside
    I’m sorry you’re finding it so difficult @Kingsbridge. I hope the review goes well
     
  3. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    7,189
    Female
    South Ribble
    I’m so sorry you’re finding it hard and that your mum is finding it hard too. I found it very hard too when Mum went into a care home, initially for respite, but it became permanent. At first she did ask constantly to go home, but after a few weeks she became scared that they would send her home, and asked constantly to be allowed to stay. So, I’d say, hang in there, if you can, and see how your mum goes on. The review should be a process where people are well used to having people who are more slow to settle and they should be understanding.
    Having said all that, this is an incredibly difficult time for you, and I hope you’re taking some time to be kind to yourself if you can. You’re doing the best anyone could do, so keep reminding yourself of that. I do hope your mum settles and it puts your mind at rest.
     
  4. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,609
    Female
    England
    Moving into care is very difficult and disruptive to both the Carer and the cared for. It takes time for everyone to adjust to the new way of life. My husband struggled with being with so many people in the nursing home when there had just been the two of us and I struggled with being the only one left in the house alone.

    Slowly we both adjusted, didn’t like it but it was a necessary move as his care was now way beyond just one person’s ability. It’s far from easy and I’m sure many Carers wonder if it’s the right thing to do. I hope the review goes well for you both and you feel more settled too.
     
  5. Kingsbridge

    Kingsbridge Registered User

    Dec 8, 2019
    28
    Thank u so much for your replies it means a lot to me to know that I'm not alone in this x
     

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