My Mum passed away in April and the first couple of months I was in organisation mode and a bit in denial, I didn’t grieve and concentrated on my father that was left. I am now all over the place, crying at the slightest thing. I kept strong and arranged everything as Dad was unable to do as he was in a daze for the first few months. I am now feeling guilty that we allowed Mum to go into a Nursing home, looking back we thought we couldn’t cope but perhaps we could have tried harder and found ways to keep her at home. Mum deteriorated so quickly after she went into a care home and then a nursing home and I feel if we had kept her at home she wouldn’t have deteriorated so fast and we would have not had to deal with not visiting restrictions in the Nursing home and the latterly the hospital. Mum's quality of life was very poor towards the end and I should have fought harder to keep her at home. My dad is not coping well now and has said he might have to consider a home, even though he is active, still drives mobile, he is just so lonely, I don’t think that is right for him and I am there every day without fail and clean, cook and he comes to ours for some dinners. He thinks he is a burden, but he isn’t, he feels he is impacting on my life and that of my family. I have tried to set up broadband and a smart TV so he can access different online options for films and sport but he said it doesn’t warrant the money as he is not for this life for much longer. I said I would pay but he says it is a waste of money as he won’t live much longer. He admits himself that a home or sheltered living isn’t what he wants to do but at least he will have his meals got ready and take the burden off me. I have said I will help him in whatever way I can and ultimately it is his decision (I don’t want to impede his independence)
I am racked with guilt over Mum going to a care/nursing home and will feel the same if Dad goes. He doesn’t want to mix with any of his friends and other than me he doesn’t see many other people. I am racked with Guilt over Mum and though I must allow Dad his decisions in life I will live with double guilty if he does decide to sell up and go to a residential home. Dad has told my brother that he doesn’t want to go to a home but tells me another thing, I think sometimes it is for the sympathy factor. Dad says we should have never put Mum into a care/ nursing home and now advocating going there himself!!!
I am racked with guilt over Mum going to a care/nursing home and will feel the same if Dad goes. He doesn’t want to mix with any of his friends and other than me he doesn’t see many other people. I am racked with Guilt over Mum and though I must allow Dad his decisions in life I will live with double guilty if he does decide to sell up and go to a residential home. Dad has told my brother that he doesn’t want to go to a home but tells me another thing, I think sometimes it is for the sympathy factor. Dad says we should have never put Mum into a care/ nursing home and now advocating going there himself!!!