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Guilt

sford91

Registered User
Nov 4, 2015
112
I've spent the past few days at my mams house helping pack boxes and all I feel like I have done is snap at her through no fault of her own, generally standing in the way, leaving things on the floor( which is not her fault) which has resulted in one of us falling over. Just General AHHHH and I feel SOOOOOO guilty for snapping at her I apologise and she is always so thankful it breaks my heart just a little bit more. I know she is trying to help...its one of those things where I need to take a deep breath and walk away... Does anybody else ever feel like this?!
 

1mindy

Registered User
Jul 21, 2015
539
Shropshire
Think the answer from me is yes on so many levels. Packing to move, I pack OH gets it back out "just looking " . oh empties cupboard and brings me every little thing to check it is ours ( who else's could it be ) then puts it back. Gathers random thing together and puts in random places. We have a huge, oak carved chicken that sits on the floor in the hall. It is incredibly heavy and very chunky, just opened a utility room cupboard and there it is looking at me . How he got it in or why I have no idea, but it did make me laugh ( and then cry ) at the huge sadness of it all.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,524
North East England
When my mam first started with what later turned out to be Alzheimer's, I took her out one day to buy a birthday present for dad. She absolutely agonised over what to buy, dithering, picking things up, putting them down again, etc. Eventually she settled on ... a pack of underpants. It was such a huge deal and so exhausting that I was really cross with her and vowed to myself never to take her shopping again.

Long afterwards, when we eventually realised what was wrong, I felt so ashamed of myself.

You are not alone, please believe me, and be a little kinder to yourself. We are only human and sometimes it just all gets too much.

xx
 

AnneED

Registered User
Feb 19, 2012
80
East Yorkshire UK
It is really hard, even for the most patient person, which I am not. I have to leave the room quite a bit at mum's.

When she sees me doing something, as a mum she is programmed to want to help - the dirty pots go in the cupboard; the wet clothes get put away, along with the dirty ones; when the gas man was here trying to fix the lounge radiator which is behind her chair her chair ended up back next to the radiator with her in it every time we turned our heads.

Some things are worth avoiding now as they are insurmountable for me - I don't take her shopping, it just doesn't work; we do go out for tea and cake and meals, they work ok. I leave plenty of time for her to get ready although the other day we came back from walking the dog and she was ready to go out for lunch at 11.30. Just after breakfast.
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
67
Bristol
Every Sunday

My mum has Alzheimer's and is cared for primarily by my dad. They are both 81 and do very well considering but my dad still insists on cooking lunch for us all every Sunday! He's always done this and as grandchildren came along then they had children they joined in the gathering too. On average there are 9 of us most weeks, occasionally he will let me and my sister taken them out or come to our's for lunch but I have noticed my mum is particularly anxious on a Sunday and does lots of pacing, wants to close the curtains when it is still light outside and generally seems to get into silly arguments with my dad. She was always a bit controlling and my dad would often just give in but now he seems to want to dig his heels in! Causes lots of tension and we are all guilty of snapping at her when she doesn't deserve it. I come home every Sunday in tears at yet another stressful Sunday My sister and I both work full time, have our own homes etc, but do as much as we can to help like washing, housework and taking mum out to give dad a break, but it never seems to help these flashpoints every Sunday. We have tried to talk to Dad about it but he then gets upset too. We just can't win!