Registered User
Jun 2, 2003
I travel down to see my mum in Devon every few weeks and so I am able to see her deteriation, more than if I saw her on a more regular basis.

I visited her in July and she remembered me when I arrived at the home, but then after the inital hello she forgot who I was throughout the day. When I visited her a couple of days ago she was looking more frail and she did not recognise me at all when I arrived and as far as I am aware nether throughout the day - any type of communication is no longer possible.

Even though I am not surprised, it's still a gut-wrentching experience, what makes it worse, she has a freind whom she has known since she was a teenager (she is now 54) and who manages to see her most days, she knows who he is, and it is painfully obvious that he is 'her tower' and she relies on him totally. This is obviously good for my mum piles the guilt onto me.

I can not move her from her care home as the staff there are just so fantastic and really do care about her, so to move her closer to me just for my guilt would not be fair on her, so each month you just harden up for the feelings you know will rise to the surface again when I see her.

My husband is my tower of strenght and keeps my feet firmly on reality and reminds me that I also have a life and that I must live it as it is all too easy to become self absorbed in the guilt !


Registered User
May 28, 2003
Your honesty will keep you sane.
You keep on going with that last sentance in your mind!
There is nothing more that you can do....
Your posting really touched me. My Mum is also 54, and although she lives alone quite independantly, and locally, I can so relate to all you typed.
You said yourself you wouldnt want to move her, although it would be so easy for you to do so for your own reasons. You have your head screwed on through this hell you are living. Your husband will ensure that it stays that way.
Keep posting how you feel. Realise that whilst you sometimes feel so alone, your husband and we are thinking of you and hope you stay strong.