Hi everyone. I'm a newbie, although I've been reading TP for about a week now. It has given me so much insight and information about what I have been living through for the past year (to the day!) My Mum was already living with me and, approaching her 80th birthday last summer, was showing signs of weakening memory. Things took a major turn for the worse after an accidental bout of withdrawl from one of her prescibed meds. One day she was her normal self and the next she was confused, unable to find all of the right words and with very poor short term memory. AD was finally diagnosed at the end of January. When the CPN visited to do the 30 point memory assessment Mum scored 9 and we were told that she did not qualify for the drugs because her score was too low!!! I had some good advice about applying for attendance allowance and have a social services care assessment for me and Mum. This all went very smoothly and was all completed by the end of April. Mum declined going to a day centre. I was then left to my own devices and have been Mum's sole carer since on top of my full time job working long hours most days. I don't know how I've managed really and it has left me emotionally ragged. If my boss hadn't been so supportive, understanding and flexible I would probably have been fired for incompetence. I've also had my own health issues to deal with involving hormone imbalances and the resultant mood swings. There have been days when I have been a cross between a total basket case, a screaming harpy and a sobbing wreck. This has all added a profound sense of guilt at my inability to cope. Mum needs me now more than ever and I am failing her with each passing day, she deserves so much better than that. I feel that I can't go on but am too ashamed to tell anyone. I am alone in all of this, my brothers do not live nearby and for whatever reason are not able to contribute to Mum's care. When I read what some of you are coping with it adds to my shame because my situation is not nearly so bad but I'm still at the end of my rope. I have a week of respite coming up and can hardly wait, although I know it could be a real ordeal for Mum. How I hate myself!!!