Guilt over bringing in carers

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by totallyconfused, May 17, 2019.

  1. totallyconfused

    totallyconfused Registered User

    Apr 18, 2016
    392
    though I know its needed. I feel I am letting her down.sounds so silly.I am realistic that we may not be able to continue and home may be needed but I know I will be sick with guilt the day that happens.We have done alot for her over the last few years and I shouldn't feel so guilty.

    My sister and I have done everything. The public nurse was of no help but she was replaced and in the last week, the new nurse has organised help-45 minutes 5 mornings a week to start with, a wheelchair in case her legs go quickly, a hospital bed as we need to move downstairs-stairs were becoming too dangerous-one of us was gonna fall, disposable pants as she was having more accidents.

    Its been alot of change and my mother is feeling the effects as there have been more callers like occupational therapist, home help co ordinator etc.

    the help is due to start next week, we haven't met carer yet.

    this year has been fast and we are expecting more decline. Her balance is going, shes more fraill, not talking as much, more infections.Shes just been down, saying her goodbyes, feeling fed up, sick of life, feels she doesn't deserve it.Perhaps another person might be good for her, who knows.

    I guess its the unknown as well, knowing the stress changes cause but also having a stranger in the house.I feel like I need to have the place clean all the time as they will be here!

    its silly but caring has such a rollercoaster of emotions.
     
  2. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,901
    Male
    Bristol
    It's a hard time for you and your mum, totallyconfused. The stress of all those assessments will fade in time, and having carers in has made a huge difference to us over the last 5 years. I hope you can get carers in who will strike up a good rapport with your mum as that definitely helps too.
     
  3. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    664
    Male
    North West
    Its is hard. I'm a nurse of 25 years so used to caring for people in my work. I also care for my mum who has advancing Altzheimer's and I can tell you its a different world to my work one. My emotions are all over the place. I recently had to get social services involved as I can't cope on my own anymore, that was a seriously bad guilt trip which has lasted for weeks. I have recently taken mum to a care home for day care (and eventually residential care), which she really liked but I felt terrible, as if I had failed or I was abandoning her. Despite who we are I can say heartfelt it is one of the worse experiences of my life, but a bridge many of us have to cross in the end.
     
  4. Blanco

    Blanco New member

    Apr 25, 2018
    4
    My OH and I have been married 62 years as she became worse with dementia our GP insisted
    that she went into a home for respite and then if she settled down to stay in permanently because
    it was proving a great strain on me. I agreed but still feel guilty although I know she is in a good
    home.
     

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