- though I know with this disease there isn;t any besst.
Dad is 91 with mid-term dementia. Still some quality of life, still recognises family most of the time but not always. Main carer is my Mum, 84.
I live in Bristol about 50 mins drive away from them. I see them twice a week (just reduced my days from 5 to 4 at work to help this).
When things were better Mum and Dad always came over to Bristol on a Saturday to get their hair cut and it was a really nice outing for them. Realistically my dad can't do this any more but Mum still wants to come and I want her to have the break. Most times I go over and stay with Dad while she comes over here.
I hardly get any time with my mum because when I'm at home with them I spend all my time with Dad to try to give Mum a break. So today we arranged that my brother (lives about an hours drive away) would go over and be with Dad while Mum came over so Mum could have her break and I could spend some time with her. Sorry, this is going on a bit!
Anyway, she rang earlier to say that Dad was very confused by all this (mornings are bad) and when she rang he had been saying he couldn't remember my brother - he didn't have children; how could he, he had never been married? That is something that happens quite regularly but - I have got to the point - I know feel terrible for (a) exposing my brother to the distress of my dad not knowing him - he doesn't see as much of Dad as I do - and (b) arranging all this anyway and getting Dad worked up which Mum will probably suffer for later.
She is still going to come over and told me not to phone my brother to warn him that Dad had had a bad morning. I feel awful. Upset for Dad, upset for Mum, upset for my brother. I feel I should have had the sense to say to Mum "we can't do this anymore" - but I wanted her to have a break, she is with Dad 24/7.
So that's it really. Not expecting any solutions - there aren't any! Just wanted to share with people that I know will understand, most of whom have it far worse than me.
Thanks.......
Dad is 91 with mid-term dementia. Still some quality of life, still recognises family most of the time but not always. Main carer is my Mum, 84.
I live in Bristol about 50 mins drive away from them. I see them twice a week (just reduced my days from 5 to 4 at work to help this).
When things were better Mum and Dad always came over to Bristol on a Saturday to get their hair cut and it was a really nice outing for them. Realistically my dad can't do this any more but Mum still wants to come and I want her to have the break. Most times I go over and stay with Dad while she comes over here.
I hardly get any time with my mum because when I'm at home with them I spend all my time with Dad to try to give Mum a break. So today we arranged that my brother (lives about an hours drive away) would go over and be with Dad while Mum came over so Mum could have her break and I could spend some time with her. Sorry, this is going on a bit!
Anyway, she rang earlier to say that Dad was very confused by all this (mornings are bad) and when she rang he had been saying he couldn't remember my brother - he didn't have children; how could he, he had never been married? That is something that happens quite regularly but - I have got to the point - I know feel terrible for (a) exposing my brother to the distress of my dad not knowing him - he doesn't see as much of Dad as I do - and (b) arranging all this anyway and getting Dad worked up which Mum will probably suffer for later.
She is still going to come over and told me not to phone my brother to warn him that Dad had had a bad morning. I feel awful. Upset for Dad, upset for Mum, upset for my brother. I feel I should have had the sense to say to Mum "we can't do this anymore" - but I wanted her to have a break, she is with Dad 24/7.
So that's it really. Not expecting any solutions - there aren't any! Just wanted to share with people that I know will understand, most of whom have it far worse than me.
Thanks.......
