Hello all,
I hope everyone is having a good week, and finding some time and happiness for yourselves.
I am really struggling at the moment with guilt, resentment, and conflicting concerns for my OH, myself and my MIL.
My OH and I keep putting our lives on hold to care for my MIL - and I know that's the right thing to do - her needs are greatest and she is the most vulnerable. But sometimes I feel despair and resentment that it's affecting our lives so much - and start thinking that we should limit what we do. And then I feel so guilty and awful.
It affects my OH physically and mentally whenever he stays with her, which can be for weeks and months depending on what is happening, sharing a small space and well I don't need to explain what it's like living with someone who has dementia on here. It's even started to affect me now - I keep crying all the time and vomiting randomly which I think is the stress. We miss our home and friends and cats and privacy and lives overseas which we haven't seen for 3 months now and we just canceled our flight again yesterday due to another issue (a serious one so it wasn't a choice, but I feel like this will never end). My OH said I should go back without him but I see what this does to him and can't just leave him here again (we've done that a lot over the years, taking it in turns to come back, but more often him). I want him to do less, but it's his mother! How can I think of suggesting he do less, how can she go through this alone? It feels cruel and yet that's how I feel.
We have carers set up for medicine and food and for periods everything seems ok - but then something happens like the carers mess up or she has a new symptom - and we can't leave or need to come back. We've talked about a home - but she would be absolutely heartbroken as she loves her house and life here and honestly it would be more for us than for her at this stage, so that again makes us feel guilty. She's still mostly independent and with carers it is enough day to day, and she is actually happy most of the time.
I'm sorry to complain when I know people on this forum have it far worse and I have so much respect for those of you that are full time carers, I don't know how you do it.
Thanks for listening, J x
I hope everyone is having a good week, and finding some time and happiness for yourselves.
I am really struggling at the moment with guilt, resentment, and conflicting concerns for my OH, myself and my MIL.
My OH and I keep putting our lives on hold to care for my MIL - and I know that's the right thing to do - her needs are greatest and she is the most vulnerable. But sometimes I feel despair and resentment that it's affecting our lives so much - and start thinking that we should limit what we do. And then I feel so guilty and awful.
It affects my OH physically and mentally whenever he stays with her, which can be for weeks and months depending on what is happening, sharing a small space and well I don't need to explain what it's like living with someone who has dementia on here. It's even started to affect me now - I keep crying all the time and vomiting randomly which I think is the stress. We miss our home and friends and cats and privacy and lives overseas which we haven't seen for 3 months now and we just canceled our flight again yesterday due to another issue (a serious one so it wasn't a choice, but I feel like this will never end). My OH said I should go back without him but I see what this does to him and can't just leave him here again (we've done that a lot over the years, taking it in turns to come back, but more often him). I want him to do less, but it's his mother! How can I think of suggesting he do less, how can she go through this alone? It feels cruel and yet that's how I feel.
We have carers set up for medicine and food and for periods everything seems ok - but then something happens like the carers mess up or she has a new symptom - and we can't leave or need to come back. We've talked about a home - but she would be absolutely heartbroken as she loves her house and life here and honestly it would be more for us than for her at this stage, so that again makes us feel guilty. She's still mostly independent and with carers it is enough day to day, and she is actually happy most of the time.
I'm sorry to complain when I know people on this forum have it far worse and I have so much respect for those of you that are full time carers, I don't know how you do it.
Thanks for listening, J x