Grumpy OH

Tinas7

Registered User
Jun 5, 2018
23
0
I wish I could say the same about my marriage.
Mine is a second marriage, OH and I have been together for 18 years and married for 9.
He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's two years and a half ago.
Before his illness he had a varnish of good manners and was seldom rude.
He was only very mean and very very selfish.
I can't remember an act of generosity towards me. I do not mean economic generosity ( he has never given me anything, I have always lived on my own income ), but generosity of feelings. He was and is unable to think of anyone else but himself. He has always had his way at any cost.
Now he is also rude and verbally aggressive if I dare to contradict him.
Therefore I speak to him as less as possible, which means I do not speak at all because there are only the two of us here in his home in the country where HE decided WE would live.

Hello All

I hope you all are well not been on for what seems like an eternity. Hubby has not been the best with this heat we are having at the moment. He has always worshipped the sun but he has had a few chest infections over the past few years as well as being asthmatic so now using inhalers on a daily basis. It is so true the saying that old age never comes by itself. His mobility is steadily getting worse so we have had rails put in throughout the house which makes me feel a lot more at ease knowing that he has that extra support (especially in the shower) as he loves to wander around the house. We laugh with him about this as he likes to check making sure everything is where is should be, but if you were to ask him about one thing he could not say what was in what room but you are guaranteed to have to blue air if he thinks something is different.

We were invited out to watch the world cup final a couple of weeks ago. I was unsure just because of all the noise when people start getting emotional over some games but my daughter said it would only be a few people. Well what a shock when we arrived. The garden was decorated, there was a double gazebo all set up the darker one had been set up with a massive TV for he football and the other was for my birthday. I won’t say what age (special one yes) but I had not said anything about it as hubby does not remember and we have always been lucky enough to be able to treat ourselves to what we want, plus who wants to be reminded of big birthdays? But the family did remember and it was such a beautiful afternoon, at one point I did cry as they had a birthday cake brought out and my Son-in law gave such a beautiful speech. One part was how they as a family where lucky to have someone with so much love for their father in their lives & how much love they have for me.

They had thought of everything while we were there and also for the boys who had a ball. The set up one of the bedrooms with a lovely comfortable seat and headphones for hubby to listen to music or have a nap when he needed some time away from it all. We only stayed for about 4 hours as that was long enough for Hubby.

Apologies I have went on and on, still crocheting and actually getting to be quite good.

God bless x
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hello All

I hope you all are well not been on for what seems like an eternity. Hubby has not been the best with this heat we are having at the moment. He has always worshipped the sun but he has had a few chest infections over the past few years as well as being asthmatic so now using inhalers on a daily basis. It is so true the saying that old age never comes by itself. His mobility is steadily getting worse so we have had rails put in throughout the house which makes me feel a lot more at ease knowing that he has that extra support (especially in the shower) as he loves to wander around the house. We laugh with him about this as he likes to check making sure everything is where is should be, but if you were to ask him about one thing he could not say what was in what room but you are guaranteed to have to blue air if he thinks something is different.

We were invited out to watch the world cup final a couple of weeks ago. I was unsure just because of all the noise when people start getting emotional over some games but my daughter said it would only be a few people. Well what a shock when we arrived. The garden was decorated, there was a double gazebo all set up the darker one had been set up with a massive TV for he football and the other was for my birthday. I won’t say what age (special one yes) but I had not said anything about it as hubby does not remember and we have always been lucky enough to be able to treat ourselves to what we want, plus who wants to be reminded of big birthdays? But the family did remember and it was such a beautiful afternoon, at one point I did cry as they had a birthday cake brought out and my Son-in law gave such a beautiful speech. One part was how they as a family where lucky to have someone with so much love for their father in their lives & how much love they have for me.

They had thought of everything while we were there and also for the boys who had a ball. The set up one of the bedrooms with a lovely comfortable seat and headphones for hubby to listen to music or have a nap when he needed some time away from it all. We only stayed for about 4 hours as that was long enough for Hubby.

Apologies I have went on and on, still crocheting and actually getting to be quite good.

God bless x
Hi @Tinas7 ,
I' m glad to read your news, above all that about your birthday party and your lovely family.
My husband too is not well because of high temperatures , he says he is dizzy. It seems to be due to him often pottering in the garden when it is too hot , but it is not easy to persuade him to stay at home.He says he doesn't know what to do and gets bored.
 

Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
Hi hope you all well. I am in France at the moment with all the family & OH. I hadn’t posted about going as I was undecided whether he was going but I thought going by ferry would maybe better than flying . As he won’t have assistance at airport & he wouldnt be able to cope with all the walking & hanging about. He was ok with the crossing we had to stop a lot while walking once we were out of the car on the ferry. When we reached our place he was absolutely shattered , I have found as others have said the confusion is worse when they are somewhere different. We have been here now a week we leave tomorrow. He still gets lost going to the toilet . He will ask me where do I go. I knew his short term memory was bad but this week has really brought home how bad it is. He doesn’t remember anything. We came over with our son in his car & OH was asking me where’s our cars gone it’s not outside. It was our granddaughters 1st birthday while we’ve been here I told him we were going to have BBQ later on he said that was a nice surprise. Just doesn’t remember anything been said just 5 mins ago. He asks me the same questions over & over again & if he has told me there is no wind look at them trees they are hardly moving again I will scream . Really had my eyes opened this week to his dementia. He hasn’t been goin* out with us he has just sat out in the sun but he says he has still enjoyed it. So that’s ok. He’s been going to bed at 9 & getting up quite late some mornings. Last night he wasn’t very well he was up & down quite a few times being sick . I think he has had too much sun. Been a nice break really enjoyed it & I know he has in his own way. However once we home Sunday by Monday he will have forgotten all about it. So sad really but what can we do nothing we are helpless & just wait for whats to come .
@margherita i hope you are well what’s happening where you are my friend. xx
@longlostfan how are you I hope your dizziness has gone. How’s things . x
@MIA56 I am really worried about you we haven’t heard from you for ages . Please just drop a post to say you are well .xx
Speak soon my friends take good care of yourselves. Axxxx
 

Mudgee Joy

Registered User
Dec 26, 2017
675
0
New South Wales Australia
Hi @Beads interesting to read your post - funny how we still enjoy the breaks even with the shortcomings - my OH sometimes has the repeat question - v. Short term memory- when he does I try hard to use my answer to bring up a new subject - doesn’t always work of course :po_O
 

Rosebush

Registered User
Apr 2, 2018
1,478
0
Hi Beads, so glad you are ok, I was wondering where you had gone, shame OH won't remember it, have you taken photos to remind him? Take care Lx
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,280
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Been a nice break really enjoyed it & I know he has in his own way.
I'm glad you have enjoyed your holiday in France, thank goodness you weren't alone to manage your husband (who seems to have been less grumpy than he usually is).
I have given up travelling with OH because I have not patience enough to bear his complaints and bad moods , which are even worse when we are not at home
 
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Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
I'm glad you have enjoyed your holiday in France, thank goodness you weren't alone to manage your husband (who seems to have been less grumpy than he usually is).
I have given up travelling with OH because I have not patience enough to bear his complaints and bad moods , which are even worse when we are not at home
Hi @margherita it wasn’t easy ,this holiday could quite possibly be his last one abroad. We had a few moments where things could have been a bit nasty. He did nothing different than he would at home really, he likes sunbathing so he enjoyed the glorious weather.He couldn’t walk about with us & as you know he won’t have a wheelchair so sun it was. He is absolutely shattered we are back in England now .so we have stopped over at hotel for the night as it’s a long drive home. He is in bed sound asleep & it’s only after 8pm.Think it has taken its toll as the least bit walking is really an effort, but he is too stubborn to have a wheelchair. Ye all the family were there & grandchildren which was a big help. I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of taking him away on my own.
How is your OH @margherita any different. Speak soon take good care of yourself my friend Axx
 

Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
H
Hi @Beads interesting to read your post - funny how we still enjoy the breaks even with the shortcomings - my OH sometimes has the repeat question - v. Short term memory- when he does I try hard to use my answer to bring up a new subject - doesn’t always work of course :po_O
Hi @MJ yes enjoyed it & I think he did too however I couldn’t do it on my own. Family were great. When I get sick of hearing something for the tenth time in half an hour I tend to talk about something else, but it always goes back to what he was on about . It’s like on loop. Axx
 

Hopeful123

Registered User
Oct 24, 2015
314
0
West yorks
H

Hi @MJ yes enjoyed it & I think he did too however I couldn’t do it on my own. Family were great. When I get sick of hearing something for the tenth time in half an hour I tend to talk about something else, but it always goes back to what he was on about . It’s like on loop. Axx
Hi Beads, glad to hear your holiday went reasonably well. As mentioned in another post, we have 2 weeks family holiday every year, Lake District. Needless to say, it’s not as enjoyable as OH cannot do the walking now, but we get by. Or did!, went on Fri., I came back home with him 2 days later, he never stopped going on about wanting to go home, why were we here etc, I didn’t want to spoil the hols for the family so gave in & brought him back home. Needless to say I will not attempt another holiday with him again, just got to work out how I can get a break. He has no recollection of being away, coming home anything. Sad isn’t it? Hopeful 123
 

imsoblue

Registered User
Feb 19, 2018
355
0
I have missed you Mia. You were one of my first reads. TP can be upsetting, but also reassuring. When my OH acts up, I remember that others have walked in my shoes so I don't feel like I'm the only one in the world that has experienced this.
Hope you'll stick around. Your experiences have helped me.
 

Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
Hi all well we back home safe. OH last night was getting ready for bed reallly early so I got his PJs out. He took off his trousers & then said to me ive got no underpants on. So I just said oh I’ll get some out of suitcase but he said no. I thought it funny at the time. As earlier in the evening he had gone to the bathroom & was in ages. Later on I went in bathroom & in the bin was his underpants absolutely soiled what a mess. This has happened a few times now . I never said anything to him about me finding them. In the past he has hidden soiled underwear . This is happening more often now. He obviously doesn’t remember anything about it . Also this morning he was saying how quiet it is on the site. I did say to him we are at the hotel now not the site he hadn’t a clue. Then again he was wondering where our car was thinking that I had drove there. His son from his first marriage rang last night & said about picking him up today to take him out I explained we had been on holiday & were at hotel . He woke while I was talking to him so I said I will put him on & you can talk to you dad but he said he didn’t want to talk to him. His son just laughed & said well that’s nice to know. He is supposed to be coming through the middle of the week . I think now & have done for a few weeks his dementia is advancing somewhat. He is really goosed will take him a week to get over this holiday. He has just gone up to bed. Gotta ring Drs in morning he has had two lots of blood tests taken each time they are borderline so he has to see the Dr. I said to the nurse when she rang me . Does that mean they are gonna review his meds she said no I don’t think so. So I don’t know what they will be doing. Well that’s my autobiography complete . Hope you all managed to reach the end without falling asleep. Bye for now. Take good care peeps. A x
 

Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
Hi @MIA56 so glad to see your post have missed you not posting. I know you have had a horrendous few months with bereavements & the upheaval of the two moves. It’s a lot to contend with plus Js dementia. The move was supposed to lighten your lot but obviously it’s not happened has it. Words are easy but to follow through is another thing. That’s so funny about Angela Rippon when they come out with it at the time you just grin well I did . The same happened here when OH heard about Barbara Windsor having Alzheimers. OH said poor lass she has ALZ . I felt like saying so have you but you won’t own up to it. I just grinned or was it a grimace ha ha. Yes Sunday mornings is the car & garden brigade. Do you think I should start a thread off for Grumpy Old Women ? That’s how it gets too us though. Keep posting & stay strong my friend we can do this. Axxx
 
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Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
Hi Beads, glad to hear your holiday went reasonably well. As mentioned in another post, we have 2 weeks family holiday every year, Lake District. Needless to say, it’s not as enjoyable as OH cannot do the walking now, but we get by. Or did!, went on Fri., I came back home with him 2 days later, he never stopped going on about wanting to go home, why were we here etc, I didn’t want to spoil the hols for the family so gave in & brought him back home. Needless to say I will not attempt another holiday with him again, just got to work out how I can get a break. He has no recollection of being away, coming home anything. Sad isn’t it? Hopeful 123
Hi Hopeful123 sorry to hear you had to come home . The holiday would have been good for you we need a break & when family are there aswell its a big help . What stage is your OH at with his dementia. Have you thought about respite so you can get away with the family . My OH is not at the stage where I could put him in respite he would refuse point blank he won’t even hear of day centre . He is totally in denial. Yes it is sad when they have no recollection of things. Will be the same here he won’t remember anything. Hope you can find a way round it so you can have a break cos this dementia lark certainly takes it out of us carers . Keep posting speak soon take care A x
 

Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
Thanks MIA56 . It’s good your back on here. Ye speak tomorrow Axx
 
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Beads

Registered User
Jul 19, 2017
544
0
Have a few more glasses MIA56 then you definetley won’t hear it . A x
 
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