You are a generous person, but don't forget your needs and take care of yourself, too
Grumpy OH
- Thread starter Beads
- Start date
with you sweetheart, you are not alone. So good to hear from you. Thank you. with love, Geraldine aka kindred.xxThank you so much for that lovely message, it has genuinely made me feel less alone in all this. I have such feelings of guilt about everything and eve though I know I shouldn't, the feelings don't go away.
Against advice on here, I brought my Mum to live with us. Many years ago, we brought both my Mum-in-law and dad-in-law here when they were afflicted with Alzheimer's and looked after both of them for 2 years (MiL) and 10 years (F-i-L) but my husband was able to help then and we were much younger (40's instead of almost 70). I'm finding it much harder this time. I love them both, of course I do, but there are times when I could cheerfully strangle them both - this is when the guilt comes because I know they can't help it.
Until today, I've been able to leave Mum for a couple of hours while I shop but I was out today for 3 hours and she's gone through the house like a whirling dervish and moved stuff from one room to another. It's taken me ages to find things and put them back where they belong. She was like this in her own home, constantly cleaning and moving things, I don't know why I didn't think she'd do the same here
I'm sure you're right about the emergency services having seen it all before, thank you for the reassuranceMany thanks to all on TP for the help and support you give to one another - it really helps the likes of me who are floundering and left gasping at the speed of decline. OH seems to have slowed a bit lately but Mum is going 'off' at the speed of light. I'm hoping that it comes and goes and that it'll slow down again soon.
(((Hugs))) to all that need one
Thank you Margherita, it's nice of you to say but I think most of us just do what we can. My needs have taken a back seat for now, but I have two perfect daughters (and 4 super g/children) so I have people to help and keep me from falling to bits
x
Hi everyone,
I am quite perplexed after OH's medical examination at what here is called UVA ( Unit for Evaluation of Alzheimer's), which is something like a memory clinic.
They fix appointments every 20 minutes, so you can imagine how accurate their visits are.
This morning I had to take my car to the mechanic's and , since OH'S appointment was for 11.00 , I told him I would be at the UVA by that time.
OH can still drive locally and my presence was quite useless because no doctor ever asked me anything about him.
When I arrived at the UVA my husband was not there. The doctor he had the appointment with told me my husband had arrived at 9.00 and she had examined him "between a patient and another" . To my surprise, she also told me he is "stable".
I did not reply. Not only would it have been a waste of time , but it would have been also rude and arrogant of me to question a doctor's diagnosis.
But I couldn't help thinking " STABLE???"
When I got home, OH showed me the three papers the doctor gave him.
The first was the next appointment in six months.
The second was the prescription of memantine (Ebixa).
The third ( 4 lines) was the medical report, with the score of OH's MMSE :
25 (?!).
Last January it was 20 and he is worse now, I am sure.
What shall I have to think?
I am quite perplexed after OH's medical examination at what here is called UVA ( Unit for Evaluation of Alzheimer's), which is something like a memory clinic.
They fix appointments every 20 minutes, so you can imagine how accurate their visits are.
This morning I had to take my car to the mechanic's and , since OH'S appointment was for 11.00 , I told him I would be at the UVA by that time.
OH can still drive locally and my presence was quite useless because no doctor ever asked me anything about him.
When I arrived at the UVA my husband was not there. The doctor he had the appointment with told me my husband had arrived at 9.00 and she had examined him "between a patient and another" . To my surprise, she also told me he is "stable".
I did not reply. Not only would it have been a waste of time , but it would have been also rude and arrogant of me to question a doctor's diagnosis.
But I couldn't help thinking " STABLE???"
When I got home, OH showed me the three papers the doctor gave him.
The first was the next appointment in six months.
The second was the prescription of memantine (Ebixa).
The third ( 4 lines) was the medical report, with the score of OH's MMSE :
25 (?!).
Last January it was 20 and he is worse now, I am sure.
What shall I have to think?
Oh my dear. Oh lord. What to do now. I wonder what the examination consists of?
Maybe he had a moment of clarity. I have found that over the years...there were times when Nick would awaken in the early years. That really doesnt happen much any more. Maybe your hubby just had a good morning, which is confusing but only time will tell. Take care.
Apart from the MMSE and a short, superficial talk a five-year old child would be able to cope with, nothing else.
The doctor usually spends one third of the time filling in forms or reading the previous papers... We seldom see the same specialist, so each doctor has to start from the beginning. Even the UVA is not always the same..We have also been to those of nearby towns, it depends on where appointments are available.
He might have had a moment of clarity, as you say, but it must have been quite short.
When I got home, he asked me how it had gone at the dentist's, even though I had told him I would go to the mechanic's. Few minutes after I had told me it wasn't the dentist, but the mechanic, he asked me about the dentist again.
Really frustrating. But what can you do. If he puts on a good act in front of the doctors. I find my GP has never been that help and knows nothing really about the disease. But our neuropsychriatrist is so knowable and supportive, there is no fooling him. That is why my husband never liked either of the professors. (and the fact that they put a stop to his driving) They are confident of where he is with his disease. and they are supportive of me.
I haven’t posted on this thread before but regularly read other contributions. I look after a PWD and I’m finding as time goes on predicting the unpredictable is frustrating and upsetting. We are not married but have been together for 40 years plus. He is increasingly living in the past and thinks I’m his sister. He always wants to go home so at night I have to lock us in. He thinks he can drive but his licence was suspended. He no longer recognises his own home and announces hourly he’s going up the road to stay with his mother. His long and short term memory are pretty well absent so repeating over and over is the norm as is denying what he’s just said. It’s a depressing business. I have a carer once a week which allows me to get to my own flat. More and more I’m losing my temper with him which is not good for either of us. Is recording conversations a bad thing? Would it help to clarify things? Have others tried it?
I know he can’t help it but reconciling the fact that this person who looks and sounds the same but most definitely isn’t is a huge issue to me.
Platinum, welcome to the thread
Repeating a question over and over is par for the course. I just answer in one word if possible, eg: Q:- what time are we getting up? A:- 7 o'clock, said with a smile.
I can answer without having to think and it seems to satisfy my husband - for a few minutes anyway, then he asks again
Denying what he's just said can cause arguments, I find, and they tend to end in a shouting match which is no good for either of you. If it's possible, just nod, smile and say 'really'. I have found this works some of the time, especially with my Mum who talks such a lot of nonsense. The other day we were watching Supervet on TV and she said 'my Grandad met him the other day, he said he was a lovely man'. Now my Mum is 90 and her Grandad has been dead for about 70 years, but arguing with her would have distressed her so I just said 'oh, wow, I agree, he's lovely'. She was happy and it made no difference to me.
Telling 'love lies' is all in a days work when you live with a PWD
Repeating a question over and over is par for the course. I just answer in one word if possible, eg: Q:- what time are we getting up? A:- 7 o'clock, said with a smile.
I can answer without having to think and it seems to satisfy my husband - for a few minutes anyway, then he asks again
Denying what he's just said can cause arguments, I find, and they tend to end in a shouting match which is no good for either of you. If it's possible, just nod, smile and say 'really'. I have found this works some of the time, especially with my Mum who talks such a lot of nonsense. The other day we were watching Supervet on TV and she said 'my Grandad met him the other day, he said he was a lovely man'. Now my Mum is 90 and her Grandad has been dead for about 70 years, but arguing with her would have distressed her so I just said 'oh, wow, I agree, he's lovely'. She was happy and it made no difference to me.
Telling 'love lies' is all in a days work when you live with a PWD
That is so interesting, thank you. I have never heard of soak ups, but I have now!! And I didn't know about the adult greyhounds unhousetrained!!!! I adore greyhounds. Thank you so much for this post. I am giving a big smile here! Geraldine aka kindred.
Well, they are not pets when they’re raced. They are only trained to race, and then got rid of when they’Re injured and can’t race, Actually, they’re easy to train and make fabulous pets. They don’t need a lot of exercise and are very gentle.
Soak ups are very useful for any spilt liquid. They’re very absorbent, They’re washable, but not for pee!
Decision made about daughters wedding OH is not going. I have mentioned to him a couple of times about it & he has said he wasnt going he couldnt be bothered . This morning he is up early so i thought i will ask him one last time . He said yes then all i said was i need to explain to you . He didnt give me time to finish off saying what i was going too. As he lost it completely & told me to shut my ——-g mouth. He just went on & on then finished up saying no im not going. So thats it he definetley isnt going im not going to have all this upset before the wedding. He is so unreasonable & volatile . Ive already been through this at our sons wedding where he lost it & i had to bring him home.
Hi Grey1 , Thankyou,i will enjoy the wedding at least i wont be stressing over OH .x
Hi @margherita hope you are well. Yes im not mentioning the wedding too him again.
Hi @margherita i cant believe it ,all i can say is they have caught him on a good day. As others have said a day of clarity. We know different . xx
