Grumpy OH

[Beads]

Oh @MIA56 what else could possibly happen . The Drs performance is so like OH I also have to take over it’s like he is struck dumb so bliddy annoying. it’s 90 mins for gods sake not 90 days. What can you say nothing you bite your lip & carry on, because otherwise things are said in the heat of the moment that can’t be taken back. So many times I have been there . I do hope nothing else bad happens you have had your fair share & more. Sending (((hugs))) your way . Love A xx

 

[Beads]

There is only so much you can do @MIA56 before you have a physical or mental crash. As @margherita has said it’s all left for you to do. It’s too much. I hope after SS lady has been you possibly agree to some help . You could always give it a go you never know J might come round to the idea. You should just tell him you either get help or you will finish up ill as it’s all too much for one person to do. Just tell him then he would have to go in for respite , so which would he rather have. Hope I don’t sound also like I’m imposing but I’m just thinking of you my friend. Don’t want anything happening to you. Thinking of you . Axx

 

[Beads]

Very pleased with the idea of being dangerous.
Here in Italy we have a saying " let them hate you, provided they are afraid of you".
For those of you who know Italian " mi odino purché mi temano". Those words were probably uttered by Caligula , the Roman emperor, famous for appointing his horse as a senator.

Can I join in aswell @margherita could do with a bit of been dangerous instead of boring. Xx

 

[imsoblue]

Very pleased with the idea of being dangerous.
Here in Italy we have a saying " let them hate you, provided they are afraid of you".
For those of you who know Italian " mi odino purché mi temano". Those words were probably uttered by Caligula , the Roman emperor, famous for appointing his horse as a senator.

I LOVE that quote. I have never wanted anyone to hate me. Always complient. That’s probably why OH is not happy with me. I always did what he wanted. And It didn’t bother me. I go with the flow. Now he’s not getting his way because he simply can’t do what he thinks he can and he is getting that resistance from me. AND in regard to his daughters I realize I was afraid of them. Afraid they would hate me. So see, I have grown!!! Thanks for all the lessons that led me to this spot.

 

[margherita]

I LOVE that quote. I have never wanted anyone to hate me. Always complient. That’s probably why OH is not happy with me. I always did what he wanted. And It didn’t bother me. I go with the flow. Now he’s not getting his way because he simply can’t do what he thinks he can and he is getting that resistance from me. AND in regard to his daughters I realize I was afraid of them. Afraid they would hate me. So see, I have grown!!! Thanks for all the lessons that led me to this spot.

I no longer want to be loved at any cost.
I am pleased if people like me, obviously, but it isn't so important .
My husband has always been authoritarian, but until I moved to his house it was easier to deal with him, firstly because we lived together only at weekends and when we were on holiday, secondly because he was not so unreasonable as he is now.

I feel I have grown, too..A bit late, since I am 66. Better late than never.

 

[Rosebush]

Hi folks hope you all having a better day than me. Been with my pregnant daughter this morning to get last minute baby shopping as she is due any day. OH in bed when I left early morning so I left a note because most days he doesn't get up till 2 or later in the afternoon. On return he was usual place reading paper in kitchen. No speaking when we got in as usual. Never asks our daughter how she is , so annoying. He thinks I have to be just sat in the house go nowhere & that is it so once again in the grumps. Daughter goes home then he starts shouting because I asked him where some keys were , I am every name under the sun including an idiot with a f before that. Then he takes himself off upstairs . My friend comes up we have a bit chat she leaves he comes back down goes in kitchen reading the paper again. Omg I just want to scream I am so sick of this existence. I text daughter & said what had happened. I am honestly thinking of just going in kitchen & saying to him I want him to go to a day centre because I am fed up of the way he is. I need some space it is soul destroying. As I have said before he always was a bad tempered person I always had to be careful what I said to him .like walking on eggshells & now this dementia. To be honest the way he acts now is no different to the way he has been all my married life which is 34 years . Apart from his memory & mobility. Well folks that's my moan over. See what tomorrow brings. ...

Hi folks hope you all having a better day than me. Been with my pregnant daughter this morning to get last minute baby shopping as she is due any day. OH in bed when I left early morning so I left a note because most days he doesn't get up till 2 or later in the afternoon. On return he was usual place reading paper in kitchen. No speaking when we got in as usual. Never asks our daughter how she is , so annoying. He thinks I have to be just sat in the house go nowhere & that is it so once again in the grumps. Daughter goes home then he starts shouting because I asked him where some keys were , I am every name under the sun including an idiot with a f before that. Then he takes himself off upstairs . My friend comes up we have a bit chat she leaves he comes back down goes in kitchen reading the paper again. Omg I just want to scream I am so sick of this existence. I text daughter & said what had happened. I am honestly thinking of just going in kitchen & saying to him I want him to go to a day centre because I am fed up of the way he is. I need some space it is soul destroying. As I have said before he always was a bad tempered person I always had to be careful what I said to him .like walking on eggshells & now this dementia. To be honest the way he acts now is no different to the way he has been all my married life which is 34 years . Apart from his memory & mobility. Well folks that's my moan over. See what tomorrow brings. ...

Hi folks hope you all having a better day than me. Been with my pregnant daughter this morning to get last minute baby shopping as she is due any day. OH in bed when I left early morning so I left a note because most days he doesn't get up till 2 or later in the afternoon. On return he was usual place reading paper in kitchen. No speaking when we got in as usual. Never asks our daughter how she is , so annoying. He thinks I have to be just sat in the house go nowhere & that is it so once again in the grumps. Daughter goes home then he starts shouting because I asked him where some keys were , I am every name under the sun including an idiot with a f before that. Then he takes himself off upstairs . My friend comes up we have a bit chat she leaves he comes back down goes in kitchen reading the paper again. Omg I just want to scream I am so sick of this existence. I text daughter & said what had happened. I am honestly thinking of just going in kitchen & saying to him I want him to go to a day centre because I am fed up of the way he is. I need some space it is soul destroying. As I have said before he always was a bad tempered person I always had to be careful what I said to him .like walking on eggshells & now this dementia. To be honest the way he acts now is no different to the way he has been all my married life which is 34 years . Apart from his memory & mobility. Well folks that's my moan over. See what tomorrow brings. ...

 

[Rosebush]

Hi, Beads, I have the same problem with keys. Today we got up early about 6-30,oh seemed in a good mood, we had breakfast and then he didn't moan about having a shower, went into town yet again! Everything was going quite well we had lunch when we got home and then the post arrived , I have to get to it first because it is usually something that upsets him anything to do about the car or bank! so I locked the door and hid the keys suddenly he started shouting he was demanding the keys I said no so then he started calling me all the names under the sun I'm a useless f...... Cow, the dog was hiding and I locked myself in the bathroom. when I came back down I managed to talk him into going for a walk with the dog and of course he's forgotten all about it now. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Take care.

 

[Beads]

Hi, Beads, I have the same problem with keys. Today we got up early about 6-30,oh seemed in a good mood, we had breakfast and then he didn't moan about having a shower, went into town yet again! Everything was going quite well we had lunch when we got home and then the post arrived , I have to get to it first because it is usually something that upsets him anything to do about the car or bank! so I locked the door and hid the keys suddenly he started shouting he was demanding the keys I said no so then he started calling me all the names under the sun I'm a useless f...... Cow, the dog was hiding and I locked myself in the bathroom. when I came back down I managed to talk him into going for a walk with the dog and of course he's forgotten all about it now. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Take care.

Hi @Rosebush my OH misplaces all kinds of things his wallet keys etc. If i mention anything he just flies off the handle. It’s like walking on eggshells . As I have said he has always been a bad tempered person al lot of the symptoms that go with dementia he already had all our married life . Only now they are full blown. So I am used to his moods temper unreasoning selfishness etc. I think it was about 5 years ago I noticed things got worse . Losing keys leaving house doors unlocked blaming everyone else . I always remember one day I was washing my car & couldn’t get this mark off it. He went in the house & got a Brillo pad & used that , taking all the metallic off it. I knew back then something was wrong. He was just diagnosed last May with mixed dementia however I know he’s had this nearly 6 years. When was your OH diagnosed what stage is he at. Nice to hear from you as you will see on this thread there are so many of us in similar situations. ,,,

 

[margherita]

Dear @Beads,
I hope you can pluck courage and tell your OH you want him to go to a day centre.
Is there one near your home?
If he doesn't want to go, try to find any activity to stay away some hours .We need it to safeguard our mental health.
I have decided I will go to the local library to read every day.

Take care of yourself.
Let us know when your daughter's baby is born. I wish happiness to all of you

 

[Beads]

Dear @Beads,
I hope you can pluck courage and tell your OH you want him to go to a day centre.
Is there one near your home?
If he doesn't want to go, try to find any activity to stay away some hours .We need it to safeguard our mental health.
I have decided I will go to the local library to read every day.

Take care of yourself.
Let us know when your daughter's baby is born. I wish happiness to all of you

Hi @marherita hope you are well . That previous post was an old one off last year. Daughter had baby she is now nearly 9 months old. Doesn’t time fly. I would like to say when you enjoying yourself but in our case it’s not appropriate. There are a lot of day centres around us however he won’t even discuss his dementia let alone going there. Like you have said before as the disease progresses then we can make decisions. It’s the in between isn’t it . I know I do my walking when I can. We definitely need our own space even though OH doesn’t like it. He would prefer me just sitting in the house watching tv as he does 24/7. It’s not going to happen . I’m so pleased you have made your mind up to go to library. It will get you away as you say from house arrest for a few hours. Hope OH doesn’t want to go aswell. I have just dropped granddaughter at school . Not walking today need to wait in for parcel. OH of course is in bed . Hope you have a peaceful day & if today you are going to library (enjoy). Speak soon & take good care of yourself my friend . Love A. xx

 

[Beads]

OH not long been up he goes in kitchen I make his meal . The papers are on the table . The front page of the Sun it says Barbara Windsor has Alzheimer’s. He turns round & says “I see that poor lass has Alzheimer’s “ . Yes & so have you ,,,that’s what I felt like saying. ,,,,,

 

[margherita]

Hi @marherita hope you are well . That previous post was an old one off last year. Daughter had baby she is now nearly 9 months old. Doesn’t time fly. I would like to say when you enjoying yourself but in our case it’s not appropriate. There are a lot of day centres around us however he won’t even discuss his dementia let alone going there. Like you have said before as the disease progresses then we can make decisions. It’s the in between isn’t it . I know I do my walking when I can. We definitely need our own space even though OH doesn’t like it. He would prefer me just sitting in the house watching tv as he does 24/7. It’s not going to happen . I’m so pleased you have made your mind up to go to library. It will get you away as you say from house arrest for a few hours. Hope OH doesn’t want to go aswell. I have just dropped granddaughter at school . Not walking today need to wait in for parcel. OH of course is in bed . Hope you have a peaceful day & if today you are going to library (enjoy). Speak soon & take good care of yourself my friend . Love A. xx

Sorry Beads,I did not notice the date of your post before replying..
in fact it sounded strange that you were going to have another grandchild.
How are you doing with the wedding planning? Hope your OH will stay at home, so that you can enjoy the day without having to worry about him.

 

[Beads]

Sorry Beads,I did not notice the date of your post before replying..
in fact it sounded strange that you were going to have another grandchild.
How are you doing with the wedding planning? Hope your OH will stay at home, so that you can enjoy the day without having to worry about him.

The wedding plans are going well thanks margherita it’s only 9 weeks now. It’s really flying by. I knew you mustn’t have seen the date ha ha ha. When it gets closer will have to see because don’t want any upset. Did you read my previous post? xx

 

[Rosebush]

Hi @Rosebush my OH misplaces all kinds of things his wallet keys etc. If i mention anything he just flies off the handle. It’s like walking on eggshells . As I have said he has always been a bad tempered person al lot of the symptoms that go with dementia he already had all our married life . Only now they are full blown. So I am used to his moods temper unreasoning selfishness etc. I think it was about 5 years ago I noticed things got worse . Losing keys leaving house doors unlocked blaming everyone else . I always remember one day I was washing my car & couldn’t get this mark off it. He went in the house & got a Brillo pad & used that , taking all the metallic off it. I knew back then something was wrong. He was just diagnosed last May with mixed dementia however I know he’s had this nearly 6 years. When was your OH diagnosed what stage is he at. Nice to hear from you as you will see on this thread there are so many of us in similar situations. ,,,

 

[Rosebush]

Hi Beads, thanks for your reply. Yesterday w as a really bad day, I think we first noticed something was wrong when my daughters husband died, suddenly he started repeating himself that was 7 years ago, but the last 12 months has been really bad, he was diagnosed about 3 months ago because he refused to go to the doctors before, we've been to the memory clinic and he didn't pass any of the tests they gave him! My oh just like yours has always been selfish only ok when he gets his own way, I keep thinking when will it end sorry but that's the way I feel. hope your day is better.

 

[imsoblue]

Dear @margherita
I hope you can pluck courage and tell your OH you want him to go to a day centre.
Is there one near your home?
If he doesn't want to go, try to find any activity to stay away some hours .We need it to safeguard our mental health.
I have decided I will go to the local library to read every day.

Take care of yourself.
Let us know when your daughter's baby is born. I wish happiness to all of you

@margherita you have inspired me. Our neighborhood is having its first ever book club meeting tonight. I debated about attending. The book is [U]Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, [/U]about friendship and human connection. I think she lives in New York City. I have downloaded but haven't begun to read it yet. Meeting is tonight at 6! Anyway, this is a day with no sitter and I work so being out in the evening made him be alone a long time. After my morning with him, I don't care. No one will ever see how I'm treated as he knows boundaries with others, just not me. With your comment about the library, I'm glad I signed up this morning to attend. If anybody wants to read it with me I would be thrilled! It too has a movie pending. The rights were purchased by Reese Witherspoon.
And, I wish there was a day centre I could send OH to. Our local place does not allow wheel chairs. Really?????

 

[Grahamstown]

@margherita you have inspired me. Our neighborhood is having its first ever book club meeting tonight. I debated about attending. The book is [U]Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine, [/U]about friendship and human connection. I think she lives in New York City. I have downloaded but haven't begun to read it yet. Meeting is tonight at 6! Anyway, this is a day with no sitter and I work so being out in the evening made him be alone a long time. After my morning with him, I don't care. No one will ever see how I'm treated as he knows boundaries with others, just not me. With your comment about the library, I'm glad I signed up this morning to attend. If anybody wants to read it with me I would be thrilled! It too has a movie pending. The rights were purchased by Reese Witherspoon.
And, I wish there was a day centre I could send OH to. Our local place does not allow wheel chairs. Really?????

That is our book for July book club meeting so I shall be reading it by 10th July. Will keep you posted.

 

[imsoblue]

I WAS SO WRONG! It’s not in New York City. It’s in Glasgow I think. I’m the one pondering the places she visits and marveling at her diction. It’s not set in America. I’ve read Chapters 1 and 2 and was sorry I read the reviews. There are spoiler there. However, one mentioned it being “dark”. I figured our lives are in the dark so I won’t let this darkness of Eleanor stop my reading.

 

[margherita]

OH not long been up he goes in kitchen I make his meal . The papers are on the table . The front page of the Sun it says Barbara Windsor has Alzheimer’s. He turns round & says “I see that poor lass has Alzheimer’s “ . Yes & so have you ,,,that’s what I felt like saying. ,,,,,

My husband knows he has Alzheimer's , but does not seem to realize how serious his illness is. He is aware only of his memory problems and thinks the rest is OK ( his reasoning is so poor)
I sometimes wonder if I should ask him to sign a POA or something like that, but I do not know how to tell him. I am also afraid he would put it off until it is too late.
Once again I can only wait for time and life to make decisions about my future
I think waiting is the only thing I have been doing since OH fell ill

 

[margherita]

You NEED a day off...better a week or a month.
Take care of yourself and of your physical and mental health, at any cost.