Hi margherita how are you today hope you well. Thankyou I think I am beginning to feel bit better. Your right stress does make us weaker & we definitely have plenty of it. How's things at your end is OH being good. If u read my other posts you will see nothing different here I'm still treat like hired help to be used as & when needed & speak only when spoken too. It's like Victorian times. The weather here is wet windy & really cold. Suupposedly snow to come in next 24hrs. What's it like there have you had any snow. Well I think I've had my moan for a horrible Monday . Speak soon take care margherita.xxx
Grumpy OH
- Thread starter Beads
- Start date
Oh bless you margherita. I don't know if I should say this circumstances being as they are, but anyway Happy belated anniversary . I feel for you sending big (((hugs))) your way. Xxxx
Hi @Beads,
quite cold at night here, but some days are sunny and temperatures arrive at 10 degrees.
So sorry about your horrible Monday.
I am not "hired help "..as you say you are
I wish I were. Currently I am free help.
Once he told me I will be paid when he dies, because I will have a share of what he owns (to be divided with his son, according to Italian laws about inheritance).
I try to speak to him as less as possible.
Most of the times he doesn't hear (not his fault, but he has had hearing problems, even though he says he hasn't). After I repeat, he hears the words, but doesn't often understand their meaning. So I have to repeat, using the same words (as they suggest here on TP). When at last he gets the message, he is likely to get angry for the most unpredictable reasons.
Well, why should I feel like talking to him?
Thanks for your hugs.
Big hugs from me, too.
Good morning everyone.
None of you has posted recently. What does it mean? Is all ok? Are you too busy and tired? Or what else?
I have not been too well. I had a bad toothache. Went to dentist and had it pulled out. Had stomachache because of the painkiller I took. Cut my finger while getting husband's lunch ready..and the next day woke up to cough and sore throat.
I'm a wreck.
Well, OH didn't and doesn't care .
He goes on without noticing I am not well.
Speak soon
xxx
None of you has posted recently. What does it mean? Is all ok? Are you too busy and tired? Or what else?
I have not been too well. I had a bad toothache. Went to dentist and had it pulled out. Had stomachache because of the painkiller I took. Cut my finger while getting husband's lunch ready..and the next day woke up to cough and sore throat.
I'm a wreck.
Well, OH didn't and doesn't care .
He goes on without noticing I am not well.
Speak soon
xxx
Hi Margherita sorry you’re not well, tooth problems are hell aren’t they. Sounds like you need some tlc and since you’re not gonna get it from your OH here’s a hug from me (( )) and I do hope you feel a bit better. It’s a great shame that all of us on this thread have these feelings of despair - at least we can support each other. There’s nothing worse than being ill and feeling that no one cares. And the weather is so miserable here! I keep trying to find positives at the moment, without much success I’m afraid. Have appointment to take OH to the docs for routine check up tomorrow, which I am dreading as he won’t want to go and I will have to insist.
Shall have to get a taxi both ways as the car isn’t working.......
I do hope you can have some rest and start to feel better. Toothache and cough and sore throat are just what you don’t need. You have my sympathy anyway. And the same goes for everyone else on here. Xx
Hi everyone hope you all well .Oh @marherita I hope your tummy has settled now & your finger is on the mend You really in the wars . Lots of ((((hugs)))) coming your way. I have been really busy nothing changed here Grumpy still the same. Our daughter has returned to work after maternity leave so I am helping out as much as possible. I am taking my granddaughter Charlie to school every morning then picking the baby up from the childminders on the afternoon then her Daddy picks her up after work. I then go pick Charlie up from school . Keeps me busy so am loving it. All this going on long before OH even up out of bed. What's happening at your end margherita how's OH. Take care speak soon xx @MIA56 hope you feeling loads better &aback to your normal self. Not be long now till you on the move again. So have you definitely made your minds up to sell your new house & get an apartment. Don't be overdoing it when moving don't be knocking yourself up like the last move.Trying to be superwoman. Hope all goes smoothly for you & there is always another day for emptying boxes remember that. I sound like your mother Ha Ha. Keep in touch even if it's just Hi. So we know all is ok. Speak soon take care. Xx
@ longlostfan I hope you are well & OH not giving you too much grief. How did you day of freedom go at work ? If you have read the above I am been kept busy again Back to what I used to do only now seeing to baby aswell. Which I really enjoy. Fills my days in nicely & as I said most of this is happening before OH is out of bed. Tomorrow he will have to get up as we at Warfarin clinic. There will be such a lot of moaning & swearing going on. Like walking on eggshells . Asking him to have shower & change his clothes it will be WW3. Then after all of it he won't have had a shower or changed . If I say that too him he goes up like a rocket then his potty mouth starts . Can't win either way . Later on in the afternoon family will be here after work & for sure he will sit in the kitchen reading the papers . Nothing changes there. Well I better get myself ready to go pick baby up from childminders. Bless her she loves it there which I am so pleased about, because she was at nursery for a week & she wasn't looked after the way her mum thought she should be. So she took her out of there & she now settled with childminder which is great as she gets more attention as only 3 of them at one time. Ok you take good care of yourself longlostfan & speak soon. Xxxx
@ longlostfan I hope you are well & OH not giving you too much grief. How did you day of freedom go at work ? If you have read the above I am been kept busy again Back to what I used to do only now seeing to baby aswell. Which I really enjoy. Fills my days in nicely & as I said most of this is happening before OH is out of bed. Tomorrow he will have to get up as we at Warfarin clinic. There will be such a lot of moaning & swearing going on. Like walking on eggshells . Asking him to have shower & change his clothes it will be WW3. Then after all of it he won't have had a shower or changed . If I say that too him he goes up like a rocket then his potty mouth starts . Can't win either way . Later on in the afternoon family will be here after work & for sure he will sit in the kitchen reading the papers . Nothing changes there. Well I better get myself ready to go pick baby up from childminders. Bless her she loves it there which I am so pleased about, because she was at nursery for a week & she wasn't looked after the way her mum thought she should be. So she took her out of there & she now settled with childminder which is great as she gets more attention as only 3 of them at one time. Ok you take good care of yourself longlostfan & speak soon. Xxxx
Hugs have healing powers.
Thank you @longlostfan .
How did your husband's check up go?
Did you have hard times?
Hi everyone,
How are you all doing?
Yesterday I wanted to write a long complaint about OH. Before writing I started reading other threads and realized that mine are minor issues.
Sadly, the worst is still to come.
How are you all doing?
Yesterday I wanted to write a long complaint about OH. Before writing I started reading other threads and realized that mine are minor issues.
Sadly, the worst is still to come.
Hi @margherita hope you are well. I see on your other post that you were going to write about OH but changed your mind as it seemed unimportant after reading other posts. It is however to us at the time important no matter how small. As of what has gone before in our marriages we find ourselves looking after OH purely out of sense of duty & nothing more on my part. You should post how you feel it helps putting it on here as we are always here & we understand. I truly have admiration for so many carers on here when I read there posts & what they are up against. All of us on here are doing the best we can & we should never feel minor things that happen are insignificant. Too us as carers they are humongous. So keep on posting you always have support here. Huge (((hugs)). Take care speak soon.xxx
Hi @margherita I'd rather not think of what is to come. As now is intolerable. Yesterday was Warfarin day. Managed to get Grumpy out of bed he didn't have a shower barely splashed his face . Don't think he put any deodorant on. I laid out all his clean clothes sheer waste of time as they just stunk of well everything. if I mention a shower he goes mad . Called for a pub meal not any conversation at all. Only one word answers. Got home then the air was blue as usual I was anything but a lady , told to stay out of his way & not to bother speaking to him. He told me to just leave the house but not in them words . OH went on forever. This situation can't go on much longer like this as I am sick of walking on eggshells .He told me to shut my mouth or he would shut it for me. This mental abuse is no good at all. I just feel like leaving as I have had enough. I've said it before but I am going to have to do something about it. So none of what happens in our lives is minor margherita never think that. Others on here are looking after partners who can't do anything at all for themselves , however my OH can do things for himself however his mobility is limited & memory is shot. but his vile abuse towards me is certainly not lacking & never has been all our married life . Only now as I get older which shortly I will be 70 I keep thinking I can't take much more of this. That's why I don't like to think too far ahead . OMG it's grim. Sick is an understatement. Xxx
Your so right margherita love the grandkids to bits. I. So empathise with you just the two of you 24 7. I'm sorry but I couldn't do it. In your situation I would be back to my home in Milan. Your a martyr. Xx
Hi @Beads
What would happen if you left him?
Apart from the moral (I can't find a better word) aspect, would it be doable from the practical point of view?
I often wonder if I will ever have my life back with the simple things I have always enjoyed and can't have currently.
Will I arrive at the point when it is too late for me?
At my age (66 on March 2nd) putting off things to when it is possible, means giving up.
Hi a@margherita hope you well. Yesterday was a really miserable day for me. I know I say I feel like leaving but I don't think it will ever happen. He would finish up having to go into a care home . Well I am 70 on the 3rd Feb & I also feel the same as yourself. Life is just passing me by & I feel like I am in limbo. Plus when I am able to live my life again am I gonna be far too old & then possibly need help myself. It doesn't bare thinking about. Who looks after me then. It will be a care home because I couldn't burden my kids . It's a nightmare . It's like I'm living on my own anyway as he spends 80% of his life in bed. Then when he is up you can't speak to him without thinking first what you are going to say. As he goes up like a rocket. Xx
How are you going to celebrate your birthday?
With your lovely family? And if your husband doesn't join you...who cares?
Ye with the family margherita go out for meal just quiet affair. He doesn't know when my birthday is he never did. So won't be any different this year. Will enjoy myself more if he doesn't come for meal , will be more relaxed with family. What will you be doing when it's yours? Xxx
Hi all. Well I started back Monday gone with my friend walking again. We had our first serious walk of the new year. We did well really however we did call off at Weatherspoons for a lovely breakfast. Then walked back to car which was about 3 miles away. So I consoled myself that I would walk off the calories on way back. Ha ha. Really enjoyed the walk & felt really refreshed. Tuesday we were out aswell but today it is freezing blowing a gale & snowing off & on. So we didn't bother . Instead after I dropped granddaughter at school I went straight for food shopping couldn't get back quick enough it was Baltic.
@MIA56 I hope you are well & the move has gone ok. Don't b overdoing it & making yourself ill again. Post when you have a spare minute just to say all ok. Hope J has coped with move ok. Xx
@margherita hope you too are well anything different at your end. How's things with OH just the samexx
@longlostfan I hope you are well how is your OH any changes. As you can read from above everything is still the same here. Xx Speak soon ladies take good care of yourselves . Xxx
@MIA56 I hope you are well & the move has gone ok. Don't b overdoing it & making yourself ill again. Post when you have a spare minute just to say all ok. Hope J has coped with move ok. Xx
@margherita hope you too are well anything different at your end. How's things with OH just the samexx
@longlostfan I hope you are well how is your OH any changes. As you can read from above everything is still the same here. Xx Speak soon ladies take good care of yourselves . Xxx
Hi @Beads ,
nothing new here.
OH is on the hibernation mood. As selfish as usual, but less reactive to any "wrong" word I may utter.
Yesterday we went to the neurologist's.
I did not enter with him because I wanted him to be free to speak to the doctor without me listening to.
When the visit was over, the doctor asked me in and said his short term memory is not so good, he has to continue on Ebixa (memantine) and his MMSE is now 21 (in August it was 24).
His score is incredibly high, but as the previous neurologist said, they know things in everyday life are much worse .
Apart from his bad memory, what strikes me is his lack of logic reasoning.
I am glad you have good moments with your friends and family, far from your OH
Hi @ margherita i think it's that time of year when we all feel like hibernating it's miserable & cold. The logic reasoning will only get worse as time goes on . Dreading it it's bad enough now. My OH seems to be slightly more advanced than yours, When he was seeing the consultant I always had to go in with him as he wouldn't take in what was being said. He looks at me all the time expecting me to speak for him. I am glad for your sake that he is not getting upset with you for saying what you think. It sounds as though the drug Ebixa is doing some good then do you think. My OH would not have any medication so he was discharged from hospital hence there is no follow up. There goes his unreasonable self again wouldn't even hear of it. Is your OH memory really bad. I can say something to OH then 5 mins later he can't remember it. Plus he doesn't have a clue what year we in or month even though he sits reading the papers.
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