Groundhog Day

Kezzamac

Registered User
Apr 28, 2015
31
Somerset
And so it begins again.....
'I've been thinking about packing' she says.
'Where are you going?' Says I
'I need to go home' she says, 'it's time to move on, I'll go back to my mother and fathers' (dead for 30/40 years)
'You can't go today dear, there's no one to take you' says I
'But my father could come and get me'
.....and on it goes, her thinking she's in the past and me trying to dissuade and distract and downright lie to get past it.
I thought she'd stopped the 'going home' thing. We've had a good few days of none of it. She started memantine last week and I was hoping this might help, although I know it takes a while to kick in.
I have tears in my eyes just wondering how I can cope. Then I tell myself I'm being pathetic.
Will it ever end??:(
 

lizzybean

Registered User
Feb 3, 2014
1,366
Lancashire
No, you are not being pathetic. Every aspect with dementia is hard & no bit is harder than another but this is one of the things I struggle with the most, the constant repetitiveness. As you say, groundhog day. Day in day out the same loops & it doesn't matter how hard you try distraction is hard to master.
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
Definitely not being pathetic, hun - I hate the word 'home' with a passion, these days. A good day for us is when we only get half an hour or so of it. A bad day is when it starts as she finishes the last mouthful of her evening meal, usually around 6pm. 'Right - I'd better be going home now. Its time I went home. Will you take me? Will you phone me a taxi? My Mum (her parents have also been dead for over 50 years) will be wondering where I am - I'll have to go home now. I didn't tell my husband (dead for nearly 20 years) that I was going to be late home - he'll be expecting me. My dad will pick me up and take me home. I'll get my coat, my brother will be here for me in a minute, to take me home. Can I get a bus from here? Are you going to take me home now?'.

I've tried 'later', 'tomorrow', 'when it stops raining','when the car is fixed' - nope - she has to go NOW. No matter what tactic I try, once it starts it simply goes on and on - the only thing that is sometimes successful is to firmly tell her "no more discusion" and asking/telling her to go to her room - that can often (but not always) break the cycle.

Its reduced to me tears on the very worst of days too - I really, really sympathise xxxx
 

Kezzamac

Registered User
Apr 28, 2015
31
Somerset
Definitely not being pathetic, hun - I hate the word 'home' with a passion, these days. A good day for us is when we only get half an hour or so of it. A bad day is when it starts as she finishes the last mouthful of her evening meal, usually around 6pm. 'Right - I'd better be going home now. Its time I went home. Will you take me? Will you phone me a taxi? My Mum (her parents have also been dead for over 50 years) will be wondering where I am - I'll have to go home now. I didn't tell my husband (dead for nearly 20 years) that I was going to be late home - he'll be expecting me. My dad will pick me up and take me home. I'll get my coat, my brother will be here for me in a minute, to take me home. Can I get a bus from here? Are you going to take me home now?'.

I've tried 'later', 'tomorrow', 'when it stops raining','when the car is fixed' - nope - she has to go NOW. No matter what tactic I try, once it starts it simply goes on and on - the only thing that is sometimes successful is to firmly tell her "no more discusion" and asking/telling her to go to her room - that can often (but not always) break the cycle.

Its reduced to me tears on the very worst of days too - I really, really sympathise xxxx
Thank you AnnMac :) It just really got to me this morning. Sometimes I just want to shout at her, then I have to bite my tongue - STUPID DEMENTIA!!!!
 

Kezzamac

Registered User
Apr 28, 2015
31
Somerset
No, you are not being pathetic. Every aspect with dementia is hard & no bit is harder than another but this is one of the things I struggle with the most, the constant repetitiveness. As you say, groundhog day. Day in day out the same loops & it doesn't matter how hard you try distraction is hard to master.
I know, the distraction and lies are so hard, because occasional she'll say to me 'I know that, I'm not stupid you know!!' :eek: