1. blueviolet

    blueviolet Registered User

    Mar 1, 2015
    19
    My husband has had frontal temporal lobe dementia for over 10 years and unfortunately I had to put him into a care home 2 years ago. He is unable to communicate but when I visit him (usually 3 times a week) he grips my hand and wrist so tightly that I have now had to buy wrist supports. Occasionally he pulls me around and pushes me towards the window or wall. He has one to one care when I am not there and the staff admit he is very strong. His eyesight is weak and I do wonder that when he hears my voice he grabs and won't let go as a form of security. He is getting exceptional care at the home but I cannot bear to think of him feeling anxious and agitated. I would like to hear if anyone else has experienced this kind of behaviour with loved ones with dementia.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,674
    Female
    Scotland
    I often have bruises on my wrists and lower arms and my husband has no intention of hurting me. Sometimes he is protecting himself as I try to change him or wash him and at others he just doesn't want to do what needs to be done. Keeping calm is the only way out of these situations although at times I would like to do something drastic!

    I tend to speak in a very quiet voice telling him to let go and ultimately prising his fingers off once he is calm.
     
  3. Philbo

    Philbo Registered User

    Feb 28, 2017
    626
    Male
    Kent
    I have exactly the same with my wife - when I am helping her with going to the loo etc, she grips my wrists or lower arms so tightly. The same thing when trying to wash/dry her - she will grip the towel or soap, making it hard to get it done - sooo frustrating! So we can both end up with bruises and people often ask "what have you done to your arms?":rolleyes:
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,567
    Yorkshire
    hi @blueviolet
    do you think there's a reason your husband wants to be by the wall or window? does he want to sit to be able to see out ... or is this an aggressive move .. if he needs support with mobility might he have a walking frame (though not if it is wielded about to hit anyone) .. or if he is looking for a comforter, offer a blanket or toy to keep his hands occupied
    ask the staff if your husband is this way with his one-to-one, and what the carer does .. maybe even ask about meds to help anxiety
    I do worry about your safety, especially if you are alone in his room and not in a communal lounge ... maybe sit just out of reach and don't offer your hand or arm, at least until your husband is settled ... hard, I appreciate, as it's tough not to have contact with your husband .. or you hold his wrists so you have more 'control', he's less able to grab you and you can step away from him
     
  5. blueviolet

    blueviolet Registered User

    Mar 1, 2015
    19
     
  6. blueviolet

    blueviolet Registered User

    Mar 1, 2015
    19
    Thank you for your helpful replies. Today I visited my husband and spoke to the team about his agitation and restless behaviour and they are going to try him with a slightly higher dose of his medication to see whether that will help. I expect I have to acknowledge that this is just another phase of the disease but it is so hard when I am trying to find any solution to make his life more comfortable for the time he has left.
     

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