My grandma has had dementia for nearly 5 years now and is going into end of life stage. We have been extremely close since the day I was born 23 years ago. Throughout lockdown I couldn’t see her for 5 months as she is in a care home and because she is hard of hearing I couldn’t even talk to her on FaceTime or on the phone. I have now been able to see her a few times over the past couple of months albeit at a distance but yesterday was her birthday (she was 93) and seeing her really hit me hard that the dementia has completely taken over both hers and our lives and I don’t think she remembers who I am anymore. I am finding this really hard to deal with as I feel I am grieving my most loved whilst they are still present and the thought of grieving them all over again once they are gone is heartbreaking. I have felt like this for at least 4 years now and I have always tried to deal with it myself but now realising I cannot.
HI Sofie,my heart goes out to you reading this.To be close to a loved one all your life and having to watch them deteriorate is heartbreaking.I was with mum every day being her carer,but when she went into hospital this year,albeit for only two weeks,the restrictions meant she couldn't see me a lot and like your grandma,they get used to seeing us everyday in their dementia,so to not see her this long must be really hard for you and grandma,too,the separation just quickens the memory loss I think for her.I understand,we are are grieving for them even when they are still here,because we know the final stages and outcome are ever waiting.You are so strong and I think you have realised you need some help.I did,too,I knew a certain point would come one day when I knew I would need to ask.Grandma is a tremendous age,my mum nearly got to 92.They are a good,tough and honest generation.Deep down,she loves you for being there when you can.Mum at the end thought I was just her best friend,not her son,but I knew in her mind,somewhere,she remembered.Look after yourself