Hi All, my lovely Mum passed away earlier in the year after five years of living with dementia. The last two years were extremely challenging as I'm sure all of you have experienced and know only too well. When Mum finally passed after the end of life care (which our caring GP agreed was a brutal experience for all) I found myself extremely empty, hollow and 'shell-shocked', but strangely I never shed a tear, even at the funeral. This is in stark contrast to the sudden death of my partner several years ago, when she died I cried every day for at least three years - and a time that my Mum was an absolute rock for me despite the fact she must have also been in pain - it's something I never forgot. I made the decision to give up work 9 months before Mum died to that I could spend more time with her and help her in her time of increasing need - I recognised that she was deteriorating but didn't expect it to end so 'soon'. I am so pleased and consider myself extremely fortunate that I was able to do that, although many of those days were extremely challenging and often very sad. For the last three months of Mum's life she ended up in care which was something I had fought (myself) against as it wasn't what she wanted (my father had previously been in care and passed away with dementia). However, when she went into care she improved dramatically and was no longer frightened or scared, which she was increasingly in her own property with carers attending to her. I continued to visit her every day in care and I kick myself that I didn't organise it sooner as it was a richer life for her. A few months after Mum's passing I decided that I needed to visit my GP (something I never do). She took the time to call me the week after Mum passed away to see how I was getting on, which was totally unexpected and of course I said that I was 'ok'. When I visited the GP she explained that I was suffering from depression and suggested bereavement counselling. I have since had the counselling and it has helped me immensely, I have been able to understand the awful challenges and emotional stresses that I went through and the grieving that I have done over the years as poor Mum's condition deteriorated. I'm still struggling at times, especially as we are still trying to sell the property and going round to maintain brings back some quite painful and sad memories. I decided to share with you all as there is help out there and bereavement following dementia is unique and can be extremely confusing. I would also like to help others on this forum as I know how alone you can feel trying to navigate through the relentless dementia and care maze, where often you don't know what is the 'correct' thing to do. I'm afraid when I was in the eye of the storm I couldn't look at the forum as I found it too painful and frightening, it was like reading a story where I knew the ending but didn't want to read the plot - in hindsight that was a mistake, I shut myself off and took it all on my shoulders which wasn't sensible or helpful to anyone concerned. One day I'm sure the tears will flow in memory of my wonderful Mum. .