Grief

jeannette

Registered User
Feb 27, 2006
55
I haven't been in for a while, partly because it's too painful seeing what you're all still up against, partly because I feel it's healthier for me not to keep checking in, partly because I feel a little like an interloper now that my mother's gone.
Actually, though, I missed having somewhere private but safe to visit late at night when the thoughts keep you from sleeping, so I thought I'd just check in and share a few thoughts and feelings.

I thought that grieving after Alzheimer's might be easier than this, thought that grief for a mother who'd lived for 96 years would be less profound. And of course it is infinitely less cruel than for a younger person, of course it is. Yet still, it's hard getting over it all. Hardest of all, the last period of pain and suffering in the hospital, and the inadequate treatment, but those memories are beginning to fade just a little, their onslaught coming less frequently, and eventually I hope they'll go almost altogether. Except they were the last weeks with her, and there were those precious loving moments to cherish, too, so I don't want to let them go completely.
Then the great slab of the Alzheimer years - and before that, the real person, the real memories.
It's kept hard, of course, because of the clearing out of her possessions and the selling of the flat and all the other stuff that has to happen.
We're going away for the weekend - no concerns about leaving, no worries about what to tell her or not to. All that freedom, but that doesn't feel as great as I thought it might either.
Time, of course, will heal, and is already doing that to an extent. And still, just a touch of that good old, damned old, guilt that so many of us experience. It makes me smile, though, the thought that I could be ridiculous enough still to feel guilt now.
Most of all, though, I do feel love, and a yearning to know that she's okay, perhaps with her beloved husband, being taken care of. Not for us to know, I accept that. But we can still hope.

I think I probably won't post any more. Too many of you with real, NOW, problems to talk over, and it's self-indulgent of me to take up your time. Yet I suppose we'll all come to this time sooner or later, so I hope you won't mind.

All very, very good wishes to you all.

Jeannette
 

noelphobic

Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
3,452
Liverpool
Jeannette, a new section of the site has been set up especially for the bereaved, in response to requests from members. That's not to say that you shouldn't post on other sections of the site but I thought you might find it helpful and be able to help others, going by what you say in your post.

You should find it here

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/Discuss/forumdisplay.php?f=21

I hope you have a good weekend away and don't ever feel that you shouldn't be here. If you don't want or need to then that of course is another matter.

Take care
Brenda
 

alex

Registered User
Apr 10, 2006
1,665
Hi Jeannette

Sorry to hear you are suffering, unfortunately, grief goes on for a long time........and as i'm sure you already know......guilt, regrets, feeling weepy, sadness.........its all part and parcel of the grieving process....................as already mentioned, there is a new section, which has been set up to help people like us who are dealing with the aftermath of dementia..............so, please do keep posting, i for one would like to know how you are feeling and how your coping with the many stages of emotions we have to go through after AD.

Your experience of dementia makes you a valuable asset to tp, so please don't feel excluded.

Take care
Love Alex
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
Then the great slab of the Alzheimer years - and before that, the real person, the real memories.
I do like the way you have express that also
We're going away for the weekend - no concerns about leaving, no worries about what to tell her or not to. All that freedom,
I wonder that now all that freedom thanks for shareing