Hi, I am new to this forum. I have read some of the threads with interest. And I feel a bit of a fraud because my situation is nothing compared with what some of you are facing. However I would appreciate some guidance. My Grandma passed away this July after living with Alzheimer's for over 15 years. I was 13 when she was first diagnosed. Before this she had been exhibiting the symptoms for some time, then they worsened suddenly. I felt bitter and angry because I felt that my Mum spent all her time and energy looking after my grandparents (classic teenager), then very guilty because I knew they needed her more than me. And I still feel incredibly guilty that I did not do more to support my Mum (some would no doubt say, rightly so). In recent years my Grandma was moved into a nursing home as she needed 24 hour care. She was doubly incontinent and could not swallow. Whilst this broke my heart when I allowed myself to think about it, for the most part I shut myself off from it. I thought I was 'being strong'. How wrong, but I guess it was my way of coping. I could pretend it wasn't happening. Since she died the lid has lifted and I am a mess. Guilt, loss, anger, grief, yearning - all describe my feelings at present. I can't talk to my Mum because I feel that it's my own fault, if I had got more involved I wouldn't be feeling like this. I can't move on. Basically she was a beautiful vibrant selfless woman. That this happened to her is pure cruelty. She bent over backwards to help make my childhood the happy, safe, joyful and contented one that it was. I did nothing in return.