Dear Jennifer,
You have my immense sympathy. I cannot answer your dilemma but I can understand that it is making life pretty unbearable at present. Big {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}!
If you are not keen on the doctor / medication route, can you do a "life style" change that will (hopefully) help you to feel better??
Without knowing your life style or your personal situation, it is hard to know what to suggest. So I'll just tell you what works for me!
Plenty of rest
As little work as possible - both paid work and work at home
Eating really good food - as in fresh and nutritious
Exercise
"Treats" - massage, pedicure, new book - whatever makes you feel good / feel happy
Time with my dearest hubby that is without commitments - just being together.
Having said all that, if I'm in the grip of depression, I find myself unable to do any of it - or if I do something, unable to sustain it.
I "self medicate" in inappropriate and unhelpful ways such as:
"drown" myself in work commitments
take on a range of other commitments that allows me no time to think - let alone relax!
eat chocolate, cake, anything that sems to dull the pain for a short time.
avoid outings or pleasurable occasions
As you can see, it is a case of "Physician, heal thyself!" for me! So I'm not going to say I can do the "good stuff" when I need it - just that when I CAN do it, I feel better, calmer, happier - and more productive.
I wish you the best possible outcome to your present situation. It is hard to believe when you are in the grip of it, but "this too will pass". Remember that you are a very highly valued and treasured TPer and your whole virtual community is wishing you well.