- Mar 17, 2019
I thought I was doing fine. I knew that if mum had survived, it would have been horrendous, either looking after her at home, and worrying more than ever about her, or else not able to visit her in a nursing home, worrying myself sick. I managed to go out once a day, get in food, I was worried more about the virus than anything. Till today,maybe its because of having more time to brood, but I suddenly felt mum's loss more than ever. It's 4 month since she passed away, and I thought I was coping well. What triggered today's meltdown was thinking that I kept putting off tidying the house, getting rid of things I no longer need because mum is no longer here. Then the tears started. Somehow thinking of that only underlines the fact that she is gone, and I think I am still at a deep level denying that. I had intended to see about counselling but then the virus came along and I was concerned about that. Now I feel back at square one, even worse because of not being able to go out.