Greiving before the final act


Registered User
Apr 21, 2005
Mum is 78 and is getting quite bad now,she wont walk,well hardly ever,and its a struggle to get her to eat,and she goes to bed fully clothed all day,shes in a care home,and we see her every day,well someone does,shes got a big family and we all love her loads.
I seem to be thinking a lot of losing her recently and dreaming of funerals and waking up sweating and breathing heavily,does anyone else get these feelings,I know its stress and Im worried,and I know Ive got to face up to it "like a man",but we have so much history,IM so close to my mother,I cant inagine life without her.


Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
Birmingham Hades
your feelings are not unusual,I am sure many on this site have have had the same.
You are under strain and pressure and it is only to be expected to dream,lose sleep and have panic attacks.
Ive got to face up to it "like a man",
I don't think so you will face up to it like a woman,woman are often stronger than men.
Post when you need


Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
Dear Sheilason

You're not alone. I experienced all of that. The sweating and panic attacks, the dreams. It's horrendous and I began to dread going to sleep. But eventually it passed. I found gentle yoga helped me (just stretching exercises) it must have helped release some of the pent up anxiety. (I bought an easy yoga video and just did the 10 minute warm up each day).

You are worrying and thinking too much (easy said!) and your brain is still working on the worry in your sleep. We all grieve before the person passes with this illness. I grieved much more before my mother died than after.

You will pass through this eventually, try to be a little easier on yourself and remember that there is very little in your control. Take one day at a time as Norman advises and share any worries or anxieties here on the site.

Hope you begin to relax a bit more and find some peace.
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Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
West Sussex
Dear Sheilason
You are not alone in these feelings and dreams.

My Mum too is similar to yours in that although still mobile eats very little and is going downhill quite fast now.I still love her so very much, why should we love anyone any less because of this illness.

I also feel I can't cope with the thought of losing her, but when the time comes, we will, because we have to.

As Magic says we grieve continually while our loved ones are slowly declining in front of us, as we are losing them in stages as the person we knew all our lives. It hurts a lot, but at least they are still there to hug and kiss and enjoy.

Hang on in there and enjoy each day you have her, you are still her son, as I am Mum's daughter and I think the child in all of us will always need our Mum and Dad, no matter how old we are.

Thinking of you



Registered User
Oct 29, 2005
Leeds, UK
I think since mum had her stroke or whatever it was I have been grieving too. The person I knew is virtually gone with only glimses left.
Grieving is part of the process, unfortunately for those with family with dementia, it goes on a lot longer than any other disease,
Day by day is all u can do, and if you're religious pray to whoever you do


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