Great to see my parents but worst christmas ever for my Dad

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by gillian69, Jan 8, 2008.

  1. gillian69

    gillian69 Registered User

    Sep 7, 2006

    Have just come home from spending Christmas with my parents and sister. My mum was diagnosed earlier this year with mixed dementia, possibly Alzheimers! She has been prescribed Aricept which after seeing her is not really easing the symtoms( possibly because she's not taking them, will explain later).

    Arrived Xmas eve and spent the day with my sister, then arrived at my parents to my mum saying that "she needs to go home, cause hes fed up of her".

    I speak with my parents 3 times a week, and most of the time, my mum doesn't beleive that she lives with my dad, or the house she lives. Her attention span is very short too.

    Christmas day me and my Dad cooked lunch for 6, mum, dad, me,jon and my 2 children.

    When dad realised that he hadn't taken their pills. He went to the bedroom and gave mum 3 pills and a glass of water, and went back in the kitchen.

    When he had gone my mum said to me, i will take those two, but thats his tablet that hes making me take!!! And pushed it down the side of the couch.

    Later when alone with Dad i told him what she had done and he said that the tablet i had retreived from the couch was her memory pill, left him to sort out how to give her it.

    We then spent Xmas night and boxing night at my sisters with my mum and dad, and on boxing night she was aggressive towards my dad, who nearly left at this point. After a short chat he agreed to walk the dog and come back. We were all sat in the kitchen and as he walked in my mum pushed a piece of chocolate in his mouth, he was really mad and nearly lost it(temporarily i think).

    He went and sat down, and my brother went to talk to him, asking if he needed help, but still he refused.

    I know until he asks we cannot interfear but really beleive he is struggling now?

    Has anybody experienced a similar situation?

    Would love to hear if you have.:)

    Sorry if ive bored you.

    thanks for listening

  2. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Dear Gillian,
    You post has not been boring, you have come on to T.P. to get things of your chest.
    Does you Mother have a S.W ? Is there any help and support for your Dad ?
    There is always a Local Alzheimer's Branch, Age Concern, Help the Aged, Crossroads, Princess Royal Trust, all who can help.
    Unfortunately with this illness they do get very crafty with the medication.
    From a personal point of view, it really seems as if your Dad could do with respite break.
    I wish you all the best. Christine
  3. snooky

    snooky Registered User

    May 12, 2007
    Hi Gillian,
    My Dad has had AD for about 9 years now. I have not experienced the same as you have, but different problems. My heart goes out to you and I know it is difficult for any of us to try and understand the different situations and complications that come with AD (if this is what your mum has). I just want to say big hugs for you and I am sure others will give you lots of advice and support on here. I have found this site a godsend (especially this last week when things have hit an all time low after about 9yrs). My advice, as a daughter, would be to just be there for both your parents as much as you can, as they were there for you. Its all we can do and all anyone can expect. I love my parents unconditionally, although we have been through good and bad, as most have, and all I would ever want for my children would be to be there for me as well. Take care.
    Love, Snooky x
  4. galfa146@ntlwor

    galfa146@ntlwor Registered User

    Jan 8, 2008
    Great to see my parents but worse christmas ever for Dad

    ThThis was not boring at all Gillian I am going through the same thing! My poor Dad whom Im so proud of, is coping with my Mum remarkably well,same in you dont want to interfere but also it so difficult for him. Just been speaking to Dad actually on the phone and I mentioned him having a couple of days away at his brothers, he seemed really keen but only for a couple of days Im hoping to get some time off in the next week so we put this into action. what do you think about this idea for you?
    love Janette
  5. debby13

    debby13 Registered User

    Oct 15, 2007
    Hi Gillian

    Poor you how sad and awful it is to watch the people who have spent their whole lives looking out for us become completely different people. My Dad was ill for 3 years during which time I spent 80% of the time worrying about my Mum and 20% about Dad. I guess the sad thing was I realised that I had to try and look after Mum....easier said than done. I felt like I was nagging my mum to get help and to get respite etc etc and it really was like pushing water up hill. Then I came to the realisation that I could support her set things up for her but that ultimately it was her husband and her decision about what help she had. It was difficult to stand back but sometimes you have for fear you drive yourself mad with it. I am sure your children need you and you need to look after yourself. Try and perhaps get a break a couple of times a week for a few hours (you can get sitters who are trained nurses etc) then at least he could have a little time on his own. We did also try respite in a home and I am not sure to be honest how much respite this really provided for Mum. She spent the whole time feeling guilty and worrying about how they were looking after him.

    Sorry for the ramble but I guess my point is do what you can and make sure you look after your own wellbeing as well.

    xxx Debby

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