Great to find the forum today


Registered User
Nov 9, 2005
Just wanted to say hi to all. Am feeling at the end of my tether today after completely losing it on the phone with a social worker. Decided to search the net for any useful advice and found your forum!

I am seen as the main carer for my mum, although I have an older brother and sister. And unfortunately at the moment I feel unable to care for myself with everything else going on let alone look after my mum adequately.

I thought I had found a lifeline recently when my mum's doctor re-referred her to social services but it is proving hard work to get any useful help. Even something as simple as getting a carer to help with her medication is a struggle and appears to have endless hoops to jump through to get it in place!

Her doctor doesn't offer advice, social services don't seem to recognise the extent of her problem, the consultant she saw a year ago said she couldn't take the medication and we should just expect it to get steadily worse.

I just don't know where to turn if the recognised bodies can't offer meaningful advice and useful day to day assistance.

Any advice would be appreciated...



Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Dear Brenda, welcome to TP. First thing I would do is ask the helpline to find out where your local Alzheimers branch can be contacted. Then, ask to have a good chat with someone and pick their brains about all that is available to you locally. If the person you speak to does not have this to hand, there is a strong likelihood that they can point you in the right direction I found. Another useful organisation is Crossroads, also Age Concern and the Carers Association may be able to help a bit. Have you been asigned a Social Worker or Case Worker (CPN) from NHS and SS, if not, request one. It is your Mums right. They can fight her corner for and with you. It does take a while for it all to come into being, but don't give up. Keep badgering them till you get the help you need. Please keep posting. Love She. XX


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Dear Brenda, welcome. Please don't feel alone, we are all in this together. Post often, I have always found that this helps, not very positive maybe, but its easier once you get it off your chest. Regards, Connie


Registered User
Mar 13, 2004
Hi Brenda

Welcome to the TP family here.

Take Sheila's advice (she knows you know!) and I'm sure you'll get lots more replies and feedback too.

It's a hard road this caring lark. I too went ballistic at a CPN but it's all par for the course with the frustration and brick walls carers come up against. They expect you to do everything and you have to literally scream for help until you get it.

Post here often, you're among friends, someone will always be able to identify with whatever problems you're having as they're having them or have been through it too.

Best wishes


Registered User
Jul 2, 2005
Hi Brenda

Just to add welcome, and keep badgering. What you need to establish is exactly who is responsible for what - in my case the CPN is the person to ask about help, services etc. I don't know what your dramatic abilities are like, but throwing a bit of a wobbly can help, as all the authorities favour care in the community, and if the community member doing the caring seems at complete tether end help is more likely to be forthcoming. Don't be stoical and brave.


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Hi Brenda, would echo Roslinds words on being stocial and brave. It just does not work. You have to make the authorities see it from your point, so if that means throwing a tantrum, whatever, do it.

I tried to be so understanding of their viewpoint in the begining, but found then that it was all words and no action. Nowdays I am not ashamed to cry in front of the CPN and admit how hard life really is. I have found a difference. Connie

Anne Watkins

Registered User
Nov 8, 2005
help with your mother


It does concern me that you have said you are not looking after yourself. I apologise if I am out of place saying this but is there a branch near you for the Carers Association? They can often give valuable help and support to YOU so that you can support yourself and help your mother. They may also be able to help on a practical level with contacts to help your mother.

My brothers were less than forthcoming when I cared for my mother who had Alzheimers. Have you applied for Attendance Allowance on your mother's behalf? The first application is often turned down but you need to apply again. You may also look at getting a reduction in Council Tax for your mother even if someone lives in the house with her on the grounds of mental impairment if that is the case.

I hope I have not upset you by what I have written. I may not have answered any of your points directly but these are things that I found out about by shear bloody mindedness and persistance - I found the Citizens Advice Bureau very informative and helpful.
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Registered User
Nov 13, 2005
NE Lincs
contact sociaaal services asap

Your mother has a right to a needs led assessment of her needs. You has main primary carer are entitled to a carers assessment. Do not be put off by social services stating they have no money they always have a slush fund for crisis care. All to often social services failure to provide help to primary carers cost their department more money in the long run. You should be able to get attendance allowance for your mother, a long lenghthy form - get a benefits advisor to help fill it out. You owe it to your mother and yourself to get all the help you can to continue to be her primary carer.
Take care

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